To those who read about my f-Bomb,
My phone started ringing. Text messages from friends across the country began to pile in. Then, I saw for myself. My f-bomb became a national story. While you may have read in the paper or on the internet about my gaff on air, what reporters didn’t write is that the f-Bomb wasn’t just a headline in the news, it was a breaking story in my life.
Before and after the f-Bomb feel like two very separate lives – not just a different chapter but a new book with a unique cover.
I would entitle the first novel, “Thanks for the journey.”
When I said that inappropriate word across the airwaves, I was supposed to be giving the local weather forecast for NBC in New York. For 24 years, I was the local weatherman. But at that moment, I got lost in conversation about my late wife, Nancy. I was talking about how when she died a part of me had to go with her.
I told my co-worker, “It’s a f*cking weird thing.”
That’s the part you probably heard. That’s what the media wrote about online and in the paper.
Nancy and I met back in first grade. The love bug hit me at our eighth-grade graduation celebration, where we started to dance and never stopped. We got married, had two kids and lived an amazing life together.
My wife was a strong and liberated woman, but still very rooted in family. While she gave up her career as a CPA to raise our children, which she thoroughly enjoyed, her brilliance was still quite apparent. I took three years of calculus in college, but I probably forgot all of it once I got a diploma in my hand. Not Nancy. When our son needed help in calculus, she remembered it all.
Her mission was always to guide our children to be their best in life. We had honest conversations at the dinner table because Nancy was a straight shooter. Your head would snap because she would be so blunt. While shocking to some, it kept the channels of communication open with our kids and with ourselves. Nancy was the center of our family.
In 2012, Nancy was diagnosed with Myelofibrosis, a blood cancer. Cancer is very unforgiving. It was not only painful for me to watch the physical toll it took, but things like the loss of her hair seemed to rob her of her dignity as well. At work, I would do research, trying to find out if anywhere else in the world discovered an alternative method to treating her illness.
But I couldn’t find a cure. I couldn’t make her better.
On her last day in the hospital I noticed her body movement was strange. Her eyes didn’t move. She didn’t blink. When I spoke to her, there was no indication that she could hear me. Then, just like a Hollywood movie, I noticed the heart monitor. The beats were becoming more and more distant. She started turning blue. I laid down next to her, told her it was OK and that she should go in peace. I heard her last breath, as I held her in my arms.
Nearly three years later the f-Bomb hit. Between Nancy’s passing and the f-bomb, there were not only times of sadness, but some real ugly depression. At first, I tried to be dad and mom for my children, but that wasn’t possible. Also, there was a large sense of failure that I didn’t fix her. I couldn’t fix her.
I can remember finally starting to laugh, but even though I was physically laughing I was still dead on the inside.
When the f-Bomb hit I was removing pictures from my work computer. They were from the last trip we had as a family where Nancy was doing well. Three weeks after that curse word hit the air and then subsequently the entire internet, my bosses told me they weren’t re-signing my contract after 24 years at NBC. My bosses were ending my employment, but insisted their decision was unrelated to my slip-up. Nonetheless, the f-Bomb impact was still there.
I can remember finally starting to laugh, but even though I was physically laughing I was still dead on the inside.
The f-bomb was the true start of the second book in my life. While it is still being written, I would title this story, “The Sun Will Rise Again.”
My wife will be with me forever. The time I spent with her and the love we shared is ingrained in me. It’s a part of me. However, I continued to get out and socialize, which eventually led to me experiencing real joy again. I finally realized that I have to let go of the day-to-day emotional connection that I shared with Nancy. This is embarrassing to admit, but I never lived alone until my wife passed away and I didn’t know how to fill out a check until I was about 50 years old. I had to put on my big boy pants, paying bills and learning about our finances.
As I was forced to become more independent, I realized that, through the years, I may have lost a sense of self. My identity was tied to being a husband and a father but when I step out of those roles, there is still me. There is this core of who I am that I had lost touch with through the years.
My approach to life right now is much less conservative than in years past. When I am confronted with a challenge or asked to try a new task, I dive right in as opposed to shy away.
I started to travel, which led me to a new lady in my life. We’ve been to Singapore and South Africa, trying different foods and meeting people from all over the world. Traveling has opened my eyes to humanity, helping me realize that all of us are a lot more similar than we think. People create differences by drawing lines, such as religion and race.
All my new experiences are not only enlightening me about the world but they are helping me to learn more about who I am and what makes me happy.
Looking back, I wouldn’t do anything differently in my life, whether it be my relationships or my career. On the surface, I have been through some terrible and hurtful periods recently, but on a deeper level, I am evolving and I am growing.
These last few years taught me if you love someone, don’t bother complaining about little things.
I promise you, no one ever said to a person they loved on their deathbed, “Gee, I wish I yelled at you and busted your chops even more.”
Also, I have come to understand that life is truly a gift and I am going to enjoy it for as long as I have it. Right now, I consider myself in the bonus round. If it all ended tomorrow, I had an amazing life.
But to realize all of this – it took the f-bomb.
All of our experiences, good, bad and devastating, make us who we are today. And while in the news, my f-bomb was the moment I said a foul word, in my life my f-Bomb was the point where I freed myself to move forward.
With clear skies and sunshine ahead,
About the author:
Chris Cimino spent the last 24 years working as a meteorologist at NBC’s flagship station, WNBC, in New York City . He served as the early morning meteorologist for Today In New York, the newscast that preceded the Today Show.
Repost, React and Give Back:
Alyson Cohen, LCSW is a NYC based psychotherapist specializing in adolescents, young adults, families and couples. Alyson has successfully helped clients work through many life stressors and transitions, including the devastating effects of chronic illness and the tolls it can take on individuals and families. Alyson Cohen Therapy is donating $50 to Leukemia Research Foundation in honor of the first 50 shares of Chris’ letter. Alyson Cohen Therapy also made the donation in honor of Jim Brooks, who is battling stage 4 Non Hodgkins Lymphoma.
The Unsealed will match the donation if we get 100 new Facebook followers and 100 new subscribers by 10-17-19.
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I have learned over my Fifty-Eight years of life, and more specifically over the last 10 that FDR's words about fearing only fear itself ring true; to me, they do, anyway. And, at the same time, how the words of the 23rd Psalm comfort me and my abundant faith in G-d allows me to fear only fear, knowing full well that He is always with me. Growing up in a Non-Orthodox, yet Observant Jewish family nicely brings both together and not only makes me feel more protected but commands me to believe so. You see, I have lived a different kind of life, as we all have to some degree, but mine changes daily. Not that I am ANY BETTER than anyone else, in fact, probably less so... I stray from my stories often. I shouldn't, but since my Stroke in 2012, I have somehow developed some sort of ADD, so please bear with me, the end will justify the means and I will *try* to stick with my story; for you, my readers. I moved my family of the ex-wife and four children Cross-Country in 2002 to be closer to my dad who was turning 75 that year, and while I could not afford both financially as well as mentally to move back to Southern California (where he and my mother lived), I chose the Midbar (Hebrew for Desert) of Arizona. Within just a few short weeks of moving here, I woke up one day with some of the most severe abdominal pain I had ever experienced. I found a local doctor and made an appointment to see him that day. I arrived at the appointment and was ushered into an examination room by their PA (Physician's Assistant), who is supposed to be the same as a Doctor, but not really (?). I was examined and Prescriptions for a Pain Medication and an Antibiotic. They continued to treat me in a like manner for almost six months when I ended up in an Emergency Room, where a CT Scan was performed and Colonoscopy was scheduled. I was then diagnosed with a grapefruit-sized obstruction and abscess in my colon that would require surgical intervention. Surgery was scheduled for two days later, on a Friday in Mid-March 2003. I arrived at the hospital at the designated time, 5:45 am; was admitted to the hospital; told them about ALL my allergies (including a BIG ONE, an allergy to a particular anesthetic agent), and taken to a room where I was put into one of those awful gowns and told that they'd be "right back" to take me to surgery. They promptly came back at 10:30 in the morning and took me to yet another room... to wait some more. At 11:45 the Anesthesiologist came in to talk with me. He informed me that he was going to use Propofol for my induction and that he was planning on using the EXACT ANESTHESIA TO WHICH I AM ALLERGIC to maintain me through surgery! "NOT ON ME, YOU'RE NOT", I exclaimed! "I'M ALLERGIC!!!" On my wrist sat a red band that clearly said ALLERGIES: CEVOFLURAINE. I then proceeded to give him a list of anesthetic agents that I knew to be safe. He tapped me on the knee and said: Okay, Smart guy, put yourself to sleep and quickly left the room. I awoke from the anesthesia on the following Wednesday evening. In addition to the NINE small incisions from various attempts to perform the procedure of removing 18" of my diseased colon through a scope, I also had one 6" cut in my belly that began around my navel and continued to just above my groin. I also began experiencing severe shortness of breath. The staples were ripped out of my skin by the Butcher Surgeon two weeks later, but my breathing difficulties continued. After being examined by one doctor after another, I finally decided to be examined by The Mayo Clinic. Over a ten-day to 2 week period, I was examined by multiple physicians, underwent numerous tests and procedures and was finally ready for my Report Appointment. I would learn the results of all of the tests and procedures and hopefully have a clear diagnosis and prognosis. The verdict had come in. Diagnosis: Terminal COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease Causation: Bacterial Pneumonia due to Malignant Hyperthermia caused by induction of Detrimental Anesthesia Prognosis: 5% chance of Five-Year Survival I then took my report to a highly regarded Pulmonologist for Follow-Up Care, but not before enrolling in Rabbinical School in New York City. I had, (since age ten) always wanted to be a Rabbi. It was now or never. On the advice of the Pulmonologist, I began taking Prednisone (a Steroid) that would open up my Bronchioles and make it easier to breathe. The normal dosage for a man who is 5'9" and weighs 150 pounds (before I got sick, I weighed 174 pounds, all muscle, by the way) is <100mg per day. My STARTING dose was 100mg THREE TIMES a DAY. the dosage was increased every few months for the following THREE YEARS, when, on Sunday, September 9, 2007, at the weight of 340 Pounds (the Steroids had been increased to 250mg Four Times a day), I collapsed and at Mayo Hospital, was intubated where my organs began failing. Two nights later, on the First Night of Rosh haShana, the Jewish New Year, and while being mechanically ventilated, I went into Full Blown Total System Failure, and suffered a Cardiac Arrest for 14 minutes, followed by a Coma of several weeks duration. During my Coma, I felt as if I was in a box. The box had four dirt walls and smelled like the Morning Dew. In the upper right corner of the box sat a red square with a white X inside of it. "If only I could click on that X, I might stop this program", I thought to myself, but I could not move; I could not stand; could not reach, and could not scream for help. I lay in this place crying out in fear for what seemed like days and weeks and months. Suddenly, my cries were replaced by Psalms. I was reciting Psalms, some of which I had never even read before! And the Psalms turned into Prayers; The Kol Nidre, chanted at the beginning of our Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur; every other prayer recited on this Holy of all Holy Days; the Prayers for the Sukkot Holidays that follow the next week and the Readings for every single Torah Portion of the year. I somehow knew them all. By heart. Without hesitation of memory and obviously without any text to look at. I kept reading and chanting day and night; night and day and resting in between. Really resting. Sleeping... until one day, I opened up my eyes to see my beautiful son Zac sitting at my side on my bed. Covering the holes in my throat and on the side of my neck, I managed to spit out "C'était le rêve de dix minutes le plus étrange que j'aie jamais eu"! I told my son that was the weirdest ten-minute dream that I have ever had in FRENCH, my first language and native tongue. He then told me that it had been over two months, and I was in a Hospice Facility. The night before, I had begun to breathe on my own a minute or so after being disconnected from the machines that had sustained my organs since September. A few days later I was wheeled to an ambulance outside to be transported to the truly amazing HealthSouth Rehabilitation Hospital in Scottsdale. The sun kissed my face as I felt like I was pulled up into a body of love. It spoke. In Hebrew: Don't worry, it said. "You and I are going to be okay". I spent the next six weeks learning to do things like eating and holding a pencil; how to shower and dress. I learned how to return to life. Six weeks after leaving HealthSouth, my dad died. In July 2018, my mom joined him. I have had many trials and tribulations over these last twelve years. A Stroke in 2012 took my ability to project my voice loudly; I've been hospitalized many times and know how very precious time is. I do not live for today, rather, I live for tomorrow. I do everything I can do today to help others, and pray that I am again awakened tomorrow to do more good. And if so, great! And if not; if G-d decides to take me tonight, I will hang out with my parents and loved ones forever. I win either way. President Roosevelt was right to believe in only fearing fear. Psalm 23 is even more so, as Faith follows all of us.
Funny my mom passed in 1991 as a 13 year old it was hard but she was much more then beauty. She was a fighter from the beginning and I will never be able to explain her impact. It shows you came from a strong famiy and I'm glad you had both a mom and dad because a lot of people don't. I pray your truth can make a difference
This is trying to scare us with more misinformation then actual information but thank you for giving us your reality. I like it a lot.and people just wash your hand like you should be doing anyway 😂
Great discussion, as well as some interesting numbers which I'm not sure are meant to calm us, or install even more fear. I have many of your same concerns. Just yesterday I scheduled a work trip to Miami for late next week, but am unsure if it will happen or not. And while i say or act like i'm not concerned, sub-consciously, i am quite sure it is weighing on my mind each time i cough, or sneeze, or feel "a little warm", or if someone around me does. One of the biggest fears i have is that with all of the media coverage and the additional testing becoming available, the numbers are sure to skyrocket, and this is going to really set some people off. Our country is going to go absolutely bonkers . We are all guilty of taking limited amounts of information and either talking about it like an expert, or completely overreacting. Here's hoping that the number stat to level out, and then drop. Lets hope that the American people can follow simple suggestions. Lets hope that countries from around the world can work together to come up with a viable plan to slow this train down. And last but not least, lets hope our politicians can come together to provide our country guidance as we all try to get through this. Lets hope they can forget about the presidential race for just a minute to remember what their job really is; to serve the American people. And now is their time to really step up and lead by example.
Lauren, like you I have to balance my fear and confusion. I work directly with the public and I have an immune system that is partially suppressed as a by product of treatment for Rheumatoid Arthritis. I fear for my Father the most as his body is much weaker than even mine. I visited the Cleveland Museum of Art on Sunday just to learn three people were positively diagnosed on Monday in Cuyahoga county. You aren't alone in that fear. I think that we must turn to hope to keep us in this trying time. We have to...
Terry, As a man who has lived and breathed baseball, your letter was an absolute joy for me to read. What young boy wouldn't want to be in the clubhouse with his Dad? During your time as manager I've been to quite a few games in Cleveland. None though were as special as July 12th 2014. That was the day I celebrated my 30th birthday. Though the day centered around my birthday it saw me doing something for someone else. It was the day I took my Father to the very first professional sports game in his 59 years of life at the time. It was so touching the certificate that he got from the wonderful folks at Guest Services. And although the home team lost to the White Sox that day, it will always remain one of the best days in my heart. Letters like yours only serve to renew my love for the game of baseball. Thanks for sharing it with the little boy still inside of me wanting to throw that 0-2 curveball to the best hitter in the league.
[…] enough, in the email was your letter to your late father, former NBA basketball star Anthony Mason, talking about your struggles after his death. You wrote […]
Sweet Lauren, I agree completely with the promise that Brian asked you to make. Frankly, it is the only way that I know to love; totally, completely, wholly and unconditionally. You deserve nothing less, nor does your future love.
Wow. What a truly moving and powerful story. We often take for granted the small gifts we give each other just by being present. I'm sad for the heartache. I'm glad you stayed and became. Who knows what little girl or boy will be attributing their life's purpose to some kindness you shared. Peace and Sunshine
You’re welcome Lauren looking forward to all the future stories :)
Thank you Tony. I appreciate all your support.
Thank you Tony. I appreciate all your support.
I’m sorry to hear about Brian but he was right you are too beautiful to not receive roses Lauren:)
[…] Here is why you need to stop being nice and start being loud […]
Thanks for this! So what movie set did you get on?
So nice Roger <3
Pat, Your letter touched me in a very profound way. It left me in tears in the middle of my work day. It made me want to share something with you. On a July morning in 2007 a police officer answered a 911 call I had made when my Mother went into cardiac arrest. Between that officer, my best friend and the fire fighters who showed up minutes later they were able to restart her heart, however at the hospital she passed away an hour later. At the end of his shift that officer stopped by my home to check on the situation and cried when I told him the unfortunate news I received only 4 hours prior. He tried to apologize to me. I looked at the anguish in his eyes and asked him directly what for? He described the ways he felt sorry. What I want to leave you with was my reply to him. I told him he had nothing to be sorry for because he answered the call in what was the darkest moment in my life. I told him that he was a hero regardless because it takes a special person to answer calls like that. You are a hero to people Pat. No one can ever take that away from you. I understand the process you're going through as I've been there myself and like you I still struggle with it when no one is looking. You aren't alone in this. I hope your healing process continues on and you can regain the happiness in this beautiful life. You'll always be a hero to those people, because you were there when the call came Best wishes Roger Chamberlain
Ruth, your letter moved me to tears. Once upon a time I was very closed off about the LGBT community but over a course of several years, I turned my fear into understanding and I actively stand with the community for their equal rights because it is the right thing to do.