It’s craaaaaaazy to think how my biggest fear has become to never live a life without you. For 39 years, we’ve been in lock and step with each other. Like on some, “Heeeeeyyyyy Twin” type-ish. And no shade to you because I played my part too, but respectfully, I’m done with you. I see how you’ve kept me from not wanting to be seen, experiencing unconditional love, accepting help from others, and even asking for help. I see how you’ve kept me playing small, afraid to shine the light that is so bright within me. There have been situations where I should’ve popped out and showed […] but instead I remained silent, not creating boundaries or advocating for myself. You’ve kept me from the truth, seeing it and speaking it and from living a fun and spontaneous life. Your chokehold has stifled my creativity and made change feel cumbersome and challenging.

It’s been giving, very Scary Spice, very Keeping up with the Joneses, but also very do you not know who TF you are?!!

The codependency of our relationship has made “letting go” some of the toughest and hardest pills to swallow. It’s kept me around people I had no business being around, questioning my own abilities and intellect and making me emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially insecure. Our relationship has made me untrusting of others, but more importantly of myself, leaving me in a constant state of survival.

Last summer, my therapist asked me do I love myself? And as hard as it was for me to admit, I had to say, “No.” Admitting that cut me the deepest, because our relationship and my fear of abandonment made me believe I’m not loveable and good enough just the way I am. It made me believe people-pleasing, and being agreeable, never bucking the system, and always compliant, made me deserving of love and acceptance. I believed I was keeping myself safe when, in reality, I was dying a slow death, trying to show up and give others what I so desperately needed to give myself—LOVE.

We’ve literally been through it all. And I love you, because you have been a part of me, and I’m learning the importance of loving all of me, but today I release you with love. We go no further because just having this attachment is keeping me from being who I’m supposed to be—HER.

I’m writing you this letter, not to shame or guilt you but to liberate myself by choosing to release any residual anger for all the times I did not choose myself. To manifest the type of person and life I want to live, continue to heal and alchemize the pain I have endured and turn it into purpose.

You see, God has been reprogramming my mind and spirit to know and believe in something other than you—ME! She has been showing me the covering and protection over my life and how divinely guided I truly am. And through this unveiling, it has taught me how to trust in her divine plan and timing over my life. I believe when God has a specific calling over your life, it’s going to keep chasing you until you surrender to it. God’s been trying to show me why nothing else is going to work, no matter how hard I try. Our souls already have its divine purpose, its divine assignment and when you’re walking in your purpose, you don’t have to do anything but BE.

Now I’m going to be honest; I still don’t know the direction in which my life is headed. God has kept me cloaked from previewing that information, and I’m okay with that. Excited and anxious AF while waiting for it all to make sense, but still okay; and let me tell you why. I’m okay because I have worked diligently to make amends with you by digging deep and going into the depths of my shadows to identify the origin of your birth so I could heal every part of me affected by your presence. I’m okay because as I’ve gone through my isolation phase and endured every tower moment thrown my way, I see how God has been preparing me to step into a higher timeline by cultivating this unshakeable confidence, Omarion-like unbotheredness, and a magnetism only a Goddess in her divine femininity can create in me. He’s been developing my main character energy so I can be FREE to show up unapologetically as my authentic self. God said, “Genét, you are HER! And I chose you to be her because I’ve put a light and love inside of you to inspire and encourage others to see the same in themselves. But I need you to choose you too because you can’t choose you and fear? Not where I’m trying to take you. So, who is it going to be?”

And I chose me.

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