Dear Death;
My life has rapidly changed since suffering a fall in my classroom back in the Spring of 2022. I was preparing for our school’s Open House, placing student artwork on my classroom walls when I fell backward and hit my head with such force that I broke two molars. I ended up in the emergency room with a diagnosis of a concussion and also a back injury. The exam was not very thorough because two days later, cracks in my teeth finally gave way while I was eating; I ended up spitting out broken pieces of two teeth.
For me, that accident truly changed my life forever. Eventually, I received a diagnosis of Post-concussional Syndrome. I often felt loopy, my back continued to cause pain, I frequently suffered headaches, I was often quite irritable, and I was always tired. In time, I ended up on disability, although I recently retired from 20 years of teaching.
Fast forward to the Spring of 2024. After several falls and other minor symptoms, I received a diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease. I was worried about that diagnosis, but then I knew I could live a long time with Parkinson’s symptoms, which seemed scary. I was prepared to fight, but then as the summer continued and my symptoms got worse, my original diagnosis changed to Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, a disease I hadn’t ever heard of. Unlike Parkinson’s Disease, PSP is a rare, incurable neurodegenerative disorder that, in time, will damage brain cells, causing issues with movement, balance, vision, speech and swallowing. A PSP diagnosis is terminal. Shortly after receiving this news, the idea of death seemed too great, too painful, too real. Surprisingly, the thought of death crept into my life. However, early on, I decided I would not allow the complications from this debilitating disease to control my life. So, death, I have decided not to welcome you into my life.
I have gone from a non-disabled person to someone who now relies heavily on my husband to take care of everything–but we’ve been together since we were 14 years old. For 50 years, he’s been by my side. We both know the reality of my prognosis-but we both need to live with hope and lots of love–because really, what else is there?
This past year has been an exciting one! One year ago, we bought a cabin at Lake Almanor. This purchase followed two previous home losses. You see, in 2018, we lost a home we owned for 30 years in the Camp Fire in Paradise, California. Tragically, 3 years later, our beloved lake house burned down in the Dixie Fire. The purchase of our new-to-us 75-year-old cabin has been such a wonderful project to work on—a labor of love. My husband, who has his contractor’s license, completely tore the cabin down to the studs and has completely rebuilt every inch. The only outside help was the hiring of an electrician and a plumber.
This project has allowed us to focus on our future, which includes a gorgeous view of Lake Almanor from our deck. We spent the last year buying furniture and decorations to fill our new home away from home. All our furnishings are in a storage shed we purchased to store the collection of special items. I bought two sleeper sofas, an antique Hoosier, and a vintage table and chair set. I purchased an antique entry table, two side tables, and a beautiful electric fireplace. My collection also included several paintings and antique knick-knacks. We are ready to move our belongings in–I’d probably say that I was ready the moment Randy finished hammering the last nail! There are still a few last-minute tasks from Randy’s punch list to complete. Those will not take long.
There is one purchase that I’m eagerly waiting to take up to the lake: a newly reupholstered chair that at one time belonged to my momma, who died of metastatic breast cancer in 1997 at the young age of 59. When I sit in the chair, I feel my momma’s essence–it was her absolute favorite chair to sit and ponder life. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do–I’m going to ponder my life and its greatness. I will contemplate how crazy and sad it can be, but I will certainly spend more time thinking about how wonderful it has been. This message is for Death; you are not welcome in my home, not now, not soon. I have way too much to live for. In my life, it’s Lake Almanor or BUST!!!

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