I used to have one million goals; now I have one goal with a million little steps.
My goal is to be free and find a reason for being, a reason for loving, a reason for learning, a reason for growing — a reason to be.
I have lived all my life afraid of the possibilities of life.
Afraid that If I stepped too far from the cage of my home, I would one day find out that I’ve always been right in my fear of stepping into the unknown.
But the older I grow, the easier it is to see that If I hide in fear, I will never be who I want to be
And who do I want to be this year? I want to be the best version of myself.
When I walk into a room,
Instead of my first thought being
‘How do I look?’,
‘Why does it feel like everyone’s staring at me?’,
‘Why does it feel like they want me to leave?’
I want my first thought to be:
‘Who can I meet, and what version of me do I want this room to unleash?’
When I work on a project, I want to say:
‘I am so happy that I get to learn today, and I am so excited to fail so that I can improve and get better the next day.’
Instead of:
‘Why do I bother to try something new when I don’t have a clue what it is I’m meant to do? ‘
When I talk to a friend, I want to think what I think and say what I say without worrying if the end of our friendship is on the way.
I want to speak freely and know that if the conversion dies, the anxiousness will eventually subside and we can continue talking until the end of time.
I want to be okay with saying no, not because I am sick or because I am busy, but because I simply don’t want to go.
I want to know that the people who matter will never let me go, just because of a simple no.
I want to find joy in myself and understand that I will be okay without having someone constantly in front me.
I want to know that I can be happy in the comfort of my room because I am interesting enough to bring color into a world that feels like it is filled with impending doom.
I want to choose me, every time that I find myself with someone who lies to, disregards, or derides me.
I want to love myself so strongly that I would never consider giving my all to someone who could never give me peace of mind.
I want to be so grounded in my faith that no matter what anyone says, I can reply:
‘ Your belief is your belief, and that’s okay, but for me and my house, I choose to follow a God who knows my name.’
I want to wine and dine myself and find the time to love someone else. I want to save up towards my goal of independence and be myself without worrying about defending it. I want to stand firm with my convictions and circumvent all the little addictions of this world. I want to make a difference, even if that difference only affects one soul, and that soul is mine.
I want to be free and I want to be me in 2025.