My grief began on January 20th, 2020, the day my dad passed away unexpectedly. His death shook my world to its core. Before he passed, I was on a journey of self-discovery. I was losing weight, exercising, building routines, and trying to figure out who I was. At the time, I was still in a relationship I knew I needed to leave, and I thought I was getting closer to freeing myself from it. But when my dad died, it felt like a part of me died with him. I had never been without him, and I didn’t know how to live without his presence in my life.

Instead of facing my grief, I did what I always did: I went back to work two weeks later. Work became my way of coping—a distraction from the deep pain I didn’t want to confront. This became a pattern in my life. Whenever tragedy or loss struck, I buried myself in work to avoid the pain.

After my dad passed, I ended a long relationship with someone I deeply loved—the first person who ever loved me correctly. From there, I found myself in relationships I never should have been in, all while grieving and ignoring the emotions I desperately needed to face.

Then, on December 10, 2021, I faced another devastating loss: the baby I had prayed for passed away. I woke up that day with my baby still inside me, no longer alive. I had to go to the hospital to have my child removed, and after that heart-wrenching experience, I went right back to work—this time at the prison where I was employed. That environment was already filled with stress and negativity—not just from the inmates but from the staff as well. Yet, I threw myself back into work instead of confronting my grief.

More loss followed. My dad’s brother passed, and once again, I buried the pain under work. But this year, God made me sit down. He placed me in a season of isolation where I couldn’t run from my emotions anymore. I had to deal with everything I had been avoiding: the grief, the unhealthy patterns, and the trauma I had been carrying for years.

I ended a three-year relationship, began setting boundaries, and started addressing the pain I had ignored for so long. Day by day, I’ve been working through it. It hasn’t been easy, but with each step, it’s getting better. I’m learning that healing is a process, and I’m finally allowing myself to feel, to grieve, and to grow.

This year has been about progress. While I still have a long way to go, I know I’m moving in the right direction. And for that, I am grateful.