At 11 years old I wrote my first suicide letter and attempted suicide for the first time at age 16. Throughout the years I struggled with suicidal behavior and attempted suicide many times. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, social-anxiety disorder and PTSD. This resulted in me self medicating, with alcohol and prescription drugs that I used to numb a very wounded journey that was often judged, misunderstood and never discussed in my family. In December of 2009, a high school classmate and close friend, Stepf Hiser, took his life just a few weeks after our high school reunion. I did not attend and regret till this day, missing seeing him that last time. It was so devasting for everyone because very few knew he struggled, yet we had been soldiers in the trenches of our mental health battle together, my comrade and confidante. Then in 2012, I lost yet another dear loved one to suicide. In 2014, Stepf came to me in dream, put his arms around me and we talked about helping others in the struggle to avoid such a painful existence and exit. I awoke from that drean visit with a promise in my heart, yet that would not reach fruition until after seasons full of many losses sealing my commitment to being sober and to one day help others who struggle with mental health. I started walking and volunteering with AFSP since. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, domestic abuse, community violence, addiction, who has a mental health condition and suicide attempts under my belt; I use to be ashamed to feel or be viewed as this “Posterchild of tragedy.” But once the most high gave me the strength, I finally found the courage to #BeTheVoice to share my story with others to promote healing, bring awareness and love. I then humbly became a “Posterchild of testimony.” It’s been a challenging journey of tenacity; yet since 2017, with a group of other survivors, I am one of the co-founders and President of Project W.I.N.G.S. Our mission “We Inspire Nurture Guide and Support anyone affected by a mental heart disorder and/or a mental health crisis within our community.” I am so grateful to be here to represent not only Project W.I.N.G.S, but every suicide attempt and suicide loss survivors everywhere. You are never alone and you are forever loved!
My, Our and Their story is not over ;