Awoken by the phone,
Heart races, stomach turns.
Speeding home through salty tears.

Flashing red lights, sirens.
Plain white walls, nurses, doctors.
“I’m sorry. We did everything we could.”
“Know that he didn’t suffer.”

You can’t be gone.
There must be a mistake.
How could you leave me?
Who will walk me down the aisle?
Does everything really happen for a reason?
Will I understand someday?

Tears stream for days.
Days into weeks, weeks into months.
People show their true colors.
“It’s been months, why are you still crying?”
I pack my bags; I’m all alone.
The colorless world gets darker.
I retreat to my cocoon.

In the darkness, a moment of clarity:
I am existing.
I am surviving.
I am not living.

You exist in memory; I exist in flesh.
You are gone; I am here.
You are not alive; I NEED to live.

I was a caterpillar.
Predators feasted on me.
I survived. I formed a cocoon.
If you hadn’t left,
I never could have transformed.

Now I emerge with beautiful wings.
Now I understand.
Now I can soar.