My Dearest Sweet Tiffany, 

It’s 2017 where you are. I know right now you are secluded in your closet, your knees are folded beneath you, buckled in fear; while your hands clasped together, crying out to God, praying He will somehow stop the pain. Even from nearly a decade away, I can feel the hopelessness reverberating through you, penetrating the time capsules of life. I feel the salty tears you let drip from your red enflamed cheeks as well as the bruises that you hide through your clothes and makeup. Your body, aching from the blows. Your throat sore from the pressures of having been squeezed to breathlessness, quite often. Your scalp sore to the touch and migraines unending from your hair being yanked every 4-7 days or even as long as two weeks, if you’ve been lucky. Your mind is  disheveled, nearly detached from reality as a way of coping with the abuse you keep enduring. After 5 years of this, you are in complete disbelief that this is what your life has been reduced to; or that your life doesn’t even matter. My dear Tiff, you weren’t supposed to hurt this much! I wish I could hold you in this moment so you did not have to feel so alone. 

In time, you will see the truth as it comes to light and begin to understand the world around you. Don’t continue to believe the lies he’s fed you. He lied to you when he said you’d never be anything more than you are in this moment. He lied to you when he said you should unalive yourself or that you were the reason your father took his own life. He lied to you when he said you weren’t beautiful or smart or courageous.  He lied to you when he said he’d murdered someone once before. He lied about the inheritance he blamed you for him not getting. He lied when he said he never cheated. He lied when he said he stopped using drugs. He lied to his family when he told them you were the abuser. He lied to make everyone discredit you. He lied to make everyone hate you. He lied to isolate you. He lied when he said no one would believe you. He lied! He lied about everything, Tiff. But the worst lie of them all, was that he loved you. A man who loves you would never be the same man to try and take the breath of life from you. 

I know you are tired. I know you feel as though you can’t possibly make it one more day. I know you feel extremely weak and frail from simply surviving what has become the mere existence of life. My heart aches for you in this moment, knowing all you ever wanted was to be loved unconditionally, accepted for who you are, and supported.  Love was never meant to hurt like this my dear. What you are equating love with right now, is not the love God meant for you to experience. You will see. You are remarkably strong, courageous, resilient, and so much more! 

You will soon meet a couple that will give you back your life and lead you to the path of a better you. They will be strangers to you, but that September night will change the direction of your life and the lives of your children forever. They’re going to take you in and provide the one thing others couldn’t. Security. You may worry and even be afraid for them, but God has given them a spirit of protection that will keep you all safe. You will attribute your successes to them and the gift of life they gave you and your children.  They’ll be the reason you are alive and thriving in 2025. You will cherish them always and carry them in your heart where ever life leads you. 

The amazing things you are going to go on to accomplish can’t compare to the pain you feel right now. You will move to 2 new states, Florida and Ohio. You will earn multiple technical certifications in your field and become a trusted technician within the company who nurtures your career. You will enjoy the beaches, visit Alaska, Put-N-Bay, Bimini, the FL Keys, and travel back home on the road trips you love so dearly. Your circle will stay small, but they are absolutely big in your new life. Your children will learn from them watching what you couldn’t hide. They will stand for what they believe in and make their voice heard. They will make you proud. You will go on to love once more, but that love will teach you to limit the sacrifices you make in relationships. It will cause you to be firm on your boundaries and begin doing the things you want to do that you long sacrificed yourself for. You will learn to love yourself the way you should have all along. You will meet a gentleman that will give you the keys to your new home. Yes, YOUR home and yours alone. He will give you the gift of nature and this will be the beginning of your desires coming to fruition. The scenic joy you will experience will only enhance the work you’ll accomplish. You have so many things you are going to do. Like enjoying your first Ballet, going to a comedy club, visit museums, seeing an orchestra, and begin writing your first romance novel. You have so much to look forward to, Tiff. 

I cannot wait to see you here, a newer, brighter version of the amazing woman you are becoming. So keep pressing forward my dear; laughing and loving yourself to the amazing life you’re going to have in 2025. Sometimes, the best life, is just a couple of heartbreaks away.

Be sweet. Keep smiling. And I’ll see you soon my beautiful Tiffany Anne. 

Love you more, 

Yourself