Much bravery, much conceal.
The shameful life of a once teenage girl,
An innocent heart, left unguarded.
Experiences you should’ve never had to feel.
If only childhood was satisfactory and in things pure.
Too eager to live life much more mature.
I’ve contemplated time after time,
if I could go back. Press rewind.
I would save you from these heart aches,
Reroute the pain, ultimately creating even greater mistakes.
Instead for this life ado,
I won’t complain, sneer or grunt,
I will declare, I truly thank you.
For not throwing in the towel.
You continue to press through.
You don’t give in when it gets tough,
when your head is bowed, overshadowed,
the crowd shouting, “say you’ve had enough!”
Off the ropes you fly believing in promises of victory.
Though the evidence, with a naked eye, I cannot see.
I’m glad you fought for a baby that would one day break your heart.
Only fit to offer prayers and bitter tears. Groans and weeps because words were ripped apart.
Numerous broken hearts you’ve tasted, the tears they stain never the same.
Yet you choose to continue breathing.
Each comes heavy and shallow drenched in grief, bound with pain.
Your eyes fixed on Heaven, awaiting revival, for there is strength calling on His name.
I admire your pursuit of love, when all turn aside.
Peace has become the gift well sought after, the perfect place to hide.
Holiness, a tapestry well worth its design.
Embroidered with hope, in charity is lined, ever so divine.
Thank you for getting up and getting out of there.
Thank you for standing up for her, ridding your lives of such rage and despair.
The undertaking of miser, Finally choosing to love yourself.
Instead of waiting for guilt and hurt to transform to love and good health.
Finally realizing the definition and understanding you were caught in a loop of insanity.
You learned to love yourself regardless of others. No need to make plans for you and me.
School stayed a priority. I know it was, has, can, and will be a muddle of time and testation.
Tales fail to express the search for someone who’ll lend consolation.
Keep looking to Heaven. God is near, and understands your heart’s meditation.
We’re 35 now, soon to enter 36. 20 years has passed.
You have survived. She is still alive. Both of you have made it.
Many of your fears have subsided. Hopelessness has faded.
You’re a nurse now! And still delight in simplicity.
You’ve done well keeping up with broken parts. Enough remains to still recognize “me.”
Many nights you were afraid, but life hasn’t trampled you under.
Everything is alright, we’ve made it through clouds, rain, and thunder.
Thank you for praying that night, God heard us, and gave what we needed so we wouldn’t fall.
Your heart was softened, and you answered when he called.
For choosing to live everyday, and not loosing your mind when Grandma and Grandpa passed away.
Not drinking this, and smoking that.
For putting the knife down, not swinging that bat.
For not buying a weapon, for putting her first.
Not marrying him, giving him more babies, making matters worse.
Thank you for freeing us from the claustrophobia of that long hall leading to an end dead.
A rotten routine of being alone, with only eggs, bologna, and bread.
She’s 19 now, and has no memory. The hard times had no effect.
One day she’ll appreciate. Then will reveal reasoning for your high level of expect.
You finally learned who is and has always been your best friend.
You’re finally brave enough, stand up for her, love, protect her, and defend.
You taught me memories can be released. It’s okay to forget.
You don’t have to allow it hurt anymore. You can let go of regret.
I can now fight the qualms that wrestle every morning in my head,
They seek my life, desire to drown me leaving my corpse in bed.
I’m so glad you learned how to be a mom, and you finally learned, “NO!”
I’m glad you heard that song, and finally said, ” I have to go!”
And fear became a stepping stone.
I know its not the life you wanted, tattered remnants stitched and re-stitched.
Brava! You finally say what no one else will say to you.
You’ve given me permission to not impress the unimpressible.
I find ways to make myself swoon!
You’ve given me permission to be weak and sorrowful,
because life is disastrously cruel.
You’ve shown loneliness is a strategy to confound inner peace.
Rather, its a golden ticket when your heart is raging and your mind is crumpled and needs release.
Finally we see that it is impossible for a size 12 to fit into a size 8!
That is the most bizarre expectation any man could expect.
Such a requirement, no one should ever create.
Most of all: I thank you for not mistaking this knowledge and understanding was all of your own.
For God held these plans for me. Forever shall I be thankful.
For He remains forevermore answering me from, making a way from His throne.

Disclaimer:
This is a warm drink, sip slowly.
Appreciate the notes hidden within the ingredients.

Hey, You…or shall I say Me?

In correspondence with Myself, I offer this Memoir.
The singing of an unsung dedication.
Merits to You; I declare to also be Me.

I’d like to open this letter of appreciation, connect various clues,
While Journeying amidst the gratitude.

You accepted a mission, the lively hood of enduring,
As if it were some kind of trend.

Here in this place, I attach my fist pin, on the day the bronco ride of your life began.

Beyond 4lbs. and 11 oz, You prevailed,
Eluding the proclamation to be “the weaker twin.”
From Struggling to live, to living to defend.
You stood up for Her. Your other half from the womb, Your best friend.

CHEERS!
To making laughter the language I deeply comprehend.
A Smile from ear to ear is always a Means to soothe, express delight, and to amend.

Full is my heart!
Melodies escape the chamber guarded by Your lips.
Melodies made to worship, mourn, and to uplift.

“Hear Hear,”
To Your wanting of more each day.
Reaching higher is a gift. Allow Yourself to imagine, to dream, and occasion to drift.

I concur
Desiring discovery, You inquire with persistence, uncovering one thing and another.

Prompted by a basic, “What if?”

I thank You for being the person that those leaning on You can depend.

Standing Ovation, BRAVO!
You offer presentation of Yourself unapologetically. Classy, Brassy, and Tiff.
Shamelessly portraying yourself, unaware of how to be anyone else.

Much oblige
Clinging on to The Most High,
Resting on assurance of a VICTORIOUS WIN He promised to provide!

Now, Concerning the dreams You were unable to apprehend.

I sigh at the thought of you being given unto love.
A devoted characteristic of You;
Even when they treasured it with the underside of their shoe.

PERMISSION GRANTED
Relieve the reservoir.
Release built up pressure,
Allow the dams to overflow.
Rushing down the mural of your face.
Liberate the pain residing deep within.
Mourn those No longer counted to be a friend.

You chose life when poisonous thoughts lusted for an end.
For this I thank you Most of all, you didn’t bend.

I salute Your courage
Being fluid when things got stiff.
You came out swinging. Never considering,
against the wall Your back would be pinned.
deemed unable to recognize the future you had planned.

LOOK AT YOU!
Picking up the pieces and creating a new outlook;
Although the image held up before You had shattered when shook.
You persevered Searching for a line of silver, covered in soot.

CONGRATULATIONS!
No looking back
Once the foot met the pavement, that was that.
Bravery made room for love again this time it fluttered, lingered, and did transcend.
This Love Granted strength,
In turn, advancing Me beyond barriers placed by those who hardly dare to dream.
You have become Immune to the projections of doubt and self-limitations.
Heroically we display our talents
Ever pursuing of The Summit, You were said to ONLY “hope” to reach.

You REFUSED collapse under pressure,
RELUCTANT to buckle,
RELYING firmly on what You believe.

When Deterioration was Determined to Dim my Light.
You were Indestructible, Thank you,
I know you’ve had many rough nights.

I Wish I had the power to step into a memory
Giving appeal to Deja Vu
I’d Place my hand upon your shoulder
Illuminating the illusion that had trapped you

Although adverse,
Possibilities may yet be obtained.
You are a Beacon of inspiration to Me, the future of You.
Thank You for holding Memories as passwords, that unlock the secrets of this constructed identity.

I RAISE A GLASS!!!
Even though the experience tasted sour, I applaud You for making the attempt.
I must say we aren’t half bad considering the story we have lived.
So Here’s to learning from the past, mistakes are the Alma Mater.

Dear Ashley,

I never told you this, but I appreciate your endurance. I wanted to write this letter to thank you for showing me that heartache and pain doesn’t last forever. Back then, he took away our innocence and caused us to be in a dark place. He left us unprotected, alone and afraid. For years we looked over our shoulders and hid from our nightmares, afraid that the boogeyman would come back for us. Somehow, one day, the nightmares faded until they disappeared. Each day since then, you showed me how the pieces of our life should fit again. I remember the fear and terror in our eyes, but it has been replaced with the glimmer of hope shining through.
Thank you for teaching me how to fly. When the heat is rising, all we have to do is spread our wings and fly above the fire. I won’t burn because of you and my scars have healed because you learned how to overcome it. The song that’s written in my heart can flow freely.
Thank you for liberating my mind so I am no longer a slave to the prison of my imaginations. I can exist in a space of wholeness and peace. There is hope here, and fear cannot abide.
I’ll wrap this up by saying thank you for giving life a chance, when the opportunity came to give up and end it all, you pressed through and gave us another chance. Thank you for enduring until our last breath.

Sincerely,
Me