Hello! Good Morning! Welcome awake!
She says to the world as she takes her place
She grins and smiles up at the sun
The journey begins, it’s 9:01
It’s a new day and the search begins
She’s looking for something she’ll find within
She looks under the tree where the faeries go,
Then by the lavender flowers that make her potions glow
Papas truck bed will make her fly
she’ll look all through the stars as she soars through the sky.
She’ll find it in the fort she and her sister made
Or maybe on her mother’s chest, where her head is laid.
She has it when she dances, spins, in the rain
It comes when daddy kisses away her pain
With a heart so big and a mind so wide
Her happiness is never hard to find
An amazing little girl the world gets to know
Just remember to keep looking for it as you grow.

Dear Former Self,

You will have many bumps and obstacles as you continue through life, but just remember your resilience and determination has gotten you to where you are now are key things to getting through turmoil in the future.

You have had Epilepsy since you were 1.5 years old and instead of hiding it from others and being afraid of it, your approach was much different. You wanted to educate yourself about it, advocate for the Epilepsy community, and adapt your lifestyle due to side effects of medicine and Epilepsy. For example, through school, you created your own test and did in parts, with repeating of various parts, over multiple days. You did not let Epilepsy hold you back. You averaged a B no matter the subject, course difficulty, or what else was going on in your life.

Some things you did as a child, that some might not do if they have Epilepsy or another disability, are you at some point or another played almost every sport, you travelled on a bunch of mission trips to places like Wyoming and Honduras that were not right next door, and you did water rides and amusement rides.

Your Seizures had been dormant for almost 8 years and then re-emerged at the end of your first semester of your Senior year of College. Through your resilience and determination, you still graduated on time, kept your grades up, and you stayed an officer in 3 different clubs.

Then you decided to get brain surgery. After you had brain surgery, your neurologist told you that by looking at your brain, he was surprised that you had made it as far as you had and as successfully as you had. Your approach after brain surgery was, like the rest of your life, to not throw in the towel. You did a lot of volunteer work in your community and then went to two part-time jobs and then went to one full-time job in another state.

Things again seemed dormant. You went almost 8 years seizure free again, you lived on your own, you were driving, you were working full-time, and then things changed. You had seizures re-emerge and had some other things happen in your life. You did not give up though. You kept working full-time, volunteering for organizations at a local and national level, and figured out many methods of transportation.

You have always been determined not to let Epilepsy defeat you. Keep it up.

From,

Matthew Steele

Feral and ferociously free.
Feet calloused from barefoot treks.

Hair matted with strawberry knees.
Climbing any tree limbs within reach.

Paying no mind to outward beauty.
Dwelling only in excitement.

And when the rains come.
It’s welcomed.

Grinning ear to ear.
Stomping through the mud with glee.

No fear, no bitterness.
Just feral and ferociously free.

The little one in me.

Dear Kelsey, I saw your tears,

In times of doubt and valid fears.

This letter is to show you how

Your tears have built what you have now.
They told you not to cry, to keep

Your tears for something more deep.

But still you cried, out of sight,

And used tears for your dreams’ delight.
Remember when you ran that race,

you went to the bathroom to have some space.
On the way back you were met with disdain,
You let their words fuel your pain.
A friend who turned her back so cold,

Her words, the sharpest, loudest bold.

Each bullet word, it pierced you through,

Yet stoic, strong, you never withdrew.
You took that hurt and raced ahead,

With lungs on fire, eyes seeing red.

You came in first, with pain as fuel,
Transforming hurt, your special tool.
Transmutation is your super power,

From tears, your strength blossoms like a flower.

Abuse, rejection, hate, and scorn,

All turned to love, a new you born.
What I love most about you is this,
You take pain and make happiness.
Your tears now form a mighty sea,

Of justice, love, and harmony.

You honor body, spirit whole,

An inspiration, from your heart and soul.
Fearless, towards your dreams you run,

With love, your journey’s just begun.

Authentic, true in all you do,

Forever, always, Kelsey, you.

Not a big deal, she said
Everybody does this she thought
But being creative is one of the biggest blessings
It means winning every school project
Escape with my aunt
Be proud of my accomplishments
The excitement of start to finish
The chocolate piano making music sing
The t-shirts of Percy Jackson fighting high in the sky
The valentines boxes impressing the judges
The special birthday cards for special people
The constant inspiration
The constant smiles
The constant love
The constant people
The constant showing off
Impressing the crowd

My Sunshine, I know it’s been a while.
I hadn’t have the time to see you.
I hadn’t have the time to listen to you,
Or watch you play.

My Sunshine, you’ll still light up my world when I see you next.
You’ll laugh like the tinkling drops of a sunshower against my dry skin.
You’ll sing like the scissortails playing across the grass fields of my lonely home,
Or you’ll give me gifts of hopeful flowers when I can’t bear to keep on marching.

My Sunshine, there’s no telling when we’ll see each other, maybe never again,
But wait for me one more day, one more week, one more hour. I’ll see you someday.

To little Cher:

I loved you young.
I love you now.
And I’ll love you old.

Every single version that has brought me to where I am today.
Where I was yesterday.
Where I will be tomorrow.

I love you.

Your unapologetic way of being you.
Each version of you.

From the first word I spoke to the word I am re-learning now…

“No.”
The word is “no.”

It shaped me.
It made me.
And now it’s changing me…
reverting me back into who I was.

I am becoming more and more me than I’ve ever been.

Full circle.

I am me re-becoming me.
Being born again into myself.

Re-learning how I unlearned boundaries.

I said “no.”
Did you hear me?
No, I don’t want it.
No, I don’t like it.
No, I don’t approve.

I protected my own peace.
I drew a very straight line with my “no.”
With my decisiveness.

Somewhere along the way I started to say “yes.”
Yes, even when I didn’t want it.
Even when I didn’t like it.
Even when I didn’t approve.

I tried to keep the peace.
My line was blurred by indecision.

By keeping the peace for everyone else I broke my own.
I destroyed myself pleasing everyone else.

No.
it came around again,
full circle.

My first word that later on I forgot how to say.

Return to your childhood self.
Become the real you.
The you that you were before the world changed you.

And I have.
Thank you little me.

I’m 30 now and I’m learning to say it again.
It gets easier every time.

You find your inner peace again.

Thank you little Cher, for the wisdom you’ve brought back.

~ Older Cher