You are always too critical of yourself! You have struggled with this your entire life! Throughout school and into adulthood, you were your harshest critic.You always believed yourself to be unintelligent, unattractive,and awkward. By age 50, I thought you would be done being so hard on yourself. But here you are, still listening to the negative voices telling you that you’re not enough.
You were always quiet, and afraid to speak out in front of people. You were called shy and backward, because you kept to yourself. You kept a small circle of close friends that you liked to laugh and joke around with, a group of people with similar interests and the same goofy sense of humor. You always liked people you could be yourself around. Even as an adult, you were called a misfit.
As you grew older, and gained more life experience, you learned to open your mouth more. You learned you had to stick up for yourself. You worked many jobs over the years, including a factory, fast food, retail, and healthcare.You took college courses, and several classes for advancement in your work place. You raised a family. You suffered many loses, you went through a separation and experienced the deaths of family members and friends, as well as had many wonderful experiences, and made many lovely memories.All the experiences helped you become the person you are today. You started opening your mouth, sticking up for yourself, and started loving the woman you were becoming. Your life has been full of goodness and love.
But now, here you are at 50, and even with all those experiences, you still, at times, struggle with negative voices telling you that you are not enough. The voice points out mistakes. It tells you everything you messed up, how you could have done things better, and you feel judged.
And now on your job you are struggling with the negative voices. Your healthcare experience spans almost 20 years,with CNA certification earned around 2 years ago.Every day you go into work and pour your heart and soul into your job. You try to do everything possible to take care of your residents, and to make them happy, safe and comfortable. Love and respect for your residents and their families keeps you coming back even though you feel overwhelmed, underappreciated, and burned out at times. You try to do the best job for your residents, always keeping in mind their needs. Sometimes you go home after a long shift, feeling exhausted, drained and feeling as if your work was insufficient, as if you could achieve more, or improve on the things you have done.Sometimes you go home and stand in the shower and cry, listening to the negative voices that tear you down.
One of the things you do to relax, release stress, and helps you feel better about your self is expressing yourself in writing, something you have always enjoyed, but unfortunately you let yourself get preoccupied with other pursuits and you put your writing on the back burner. Well now is the time to get back into it. Keep writing, keep expressing yourself, keep fighting the negative voices and keep moving forward and improving. Because you are good enough, you are worthy of good things, and something will come out of your writing!