Deary Body,
We have not always had an easy relationship. When you were first hurt and violated, we were young I didn’t know it wasn’t our fault. I’m sorry I thought there must be something wrong with us. Thank you for helping me when I sought to become physically strong, thinking that would prevent us from being hurt again. Thank you for responding all the times I pushed your limits. I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t listen to the signals you were sending me. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to interpret them. Thank you for showing me when I needed to slow down and even stop moving. Thank you for healing so well every time my desire to constantly move without rest and proper care forced something to break.
I’m sorry for the times I don’t drink enough water and fuel us with caffeine. I’m sorry for the times I don’t let us get enough sleep. Thank you for carrying me on adventures, running through forests, up mountains, across streams. Thank you for being able to carry heavy weight when I packed my fears on hiking trips, and in life in general.
Thank you for the glory you’ve enabled me to experience. The glory of being a left-handed softball pitcher. The glory of simply being left-handed among multitudes of right-handed people. The glory of sprinting across a rugby pitch alongside teammates who have become life-long friends. The glory of being able to dive for volleyballs, to be part of sports teams. The glory of lifting heavy weights and facing our fears in competition.
Thank you for your ability to translate my creative thoughts into words, drawings, knitting, baked goods. You are so wonderfully capable, and you have enabled me to enjoy life.
I’m sorry for all the times when I felt like I was not enough, that I took it out on you. It was never you who was not good enough, nor was it me. We were always enough. Thank you for bearing the pain of my emotions and for my defiance. Thank you for having the strength to match my spirit, even when I was so courageous I was foolish.
I’m sorry that I spent so much time letting myself believe that your curves were dangerous for us; that I had to hide them in order to stay safe. I’m sorry that I didn’t let myself see your true beauty and I thought your shape was what prevented us from being loved the way we wanted and more importantly, needed.
I’m sorry it took me so long to learn to listen to you, to truly see you and admire you. I’m sorry it took me so long to learn to love you. Thank you for continuing to be your beautiful strong self this whole time. Thank you for showing me how feminine we truly are.
Thank you for the adventures we have yet to embark upon. For the beauty we will experience together. We will still have days of stress, of tension; but we will also have days of joyful movement outdoors. We will have more moments of feeling the ocean breeze in our hair and on our skin. We will taste the salt of the ocean and feel it on our skin. We will be relieved from the sun by cooling waters. We will be sheltered from storms. We will be warmed by blankets and fires on cold blustery days. We will languish in the afternoon sun on the couch or on the deck from time to time. We will try new recipes and taste new foods. We will see many more beautiful sunrises and sunsets. We will hear much more birdsong, the buzzing of bees, the whirring of hummingbirds. Our eyes will feast on the beauty of wildflowers. We will listen to beautiful music that helps us to heal and music that makes us move. We will experience the loving embrace of strong arms around us. We will experience the love we deserve.
I am trying to honor your needs more, trying to find stillness and ease. We will have soft days of comfort. You are safe now; there is no need to hold onto the pain you’ve endured.
I love you.