I understood you to be my security. I understood that you wanted me. I understood that life without me was void of all possibilities. You said you loved me, unlike others. When you gave me visions for the future, you helped me see all your potential. I knew what was normal for me was not normal for others, yet I did not understand why. When the negatives came, I knew it to be my fault, for I had no other knowledge. I questioned how I could have made this happen. My perfection was not good enough to deliver the future you desired. Upon realizing what the future had to hold with my marred life, you tossed me aside.

Disfigured in disgrace, I got up again and was ready to move forward when blow after blow you knocked me down. Again, I realize my responsibility in not delivering your future to you. I look at my open hands and wonder why did God make perfection with a flaw. Perhaps you did, perhaps I did. You made something so perfect on the outside, but when you look into the center, everyone can see the imperfections, the damage, the hole.

What is left to do from here? The flaw is unmendable. It is now a part of the perfection you created, and like a crack in a windshield, the shattering is starting to spread across the entirety of the being of who I am. I wonder if others can now see the flaw in my perfection, as I can no longer hide the shattering. I should have been able to stop the disfiguring. I should have been able to be strong enough to stop the shattering. I should have been able to be more, but alas, the flaw has overcome me, and all that is left is a disgraced life. Others will be affected by the flaw, not the perfection. Others will have to see the weakness instead of the strength. Others will see a future so twisted by the past that they have to look away. Thank you for my flaw. We shall live together in harmony forever.

We fix things because we cannot part with them.
We sew. We stitch. We glue. We nail.
We part with things we cannot repair.
We toss away. We grind up. We wash away.
But some things never go away.
We hurt. We love. We grow.
Some things have a bind greater than can be discarded.
Some things we question our motives in keeping.
Some things we question are the desire to part with.
Some things we cannot live without.
We go through life collecting and discarding as if we own the world.
And we go through life collecting and discarding hope, love, and growth.
I loved you even after the moment you left.
I still hope that you will always take space in my thoughts.
I grow from every moment you give me on this earth.
I will repair from the experiences.
I will sew a patch on my heart.
I will stitch all the bad memories closed.
I will glue together the spaces where anger lies deep.
I will nail closed the door so that others can no longer see them.
And after the repair, I won’t hurt anymore. I won’t hurt others anymore.
I will grow and allow others to gain from me.
And I will love those you put in my life that I have shunned because of the hurt.
I will repair what has been tossed away.
I will love them without barriers so they may learn to love without barriers.
Together, we will repair this family so younger generations keep love in their hearts.

You died today. You never even said goodbye before you left. Now, I am left here alone. How do I go forward in this physical plane without you? Life seems cold and stiff. What would the future hold without you? I am lost. You died today.
My physical senses must be off. The words I hear are foreign. They lack texture and the ability to paint a picture through their fluidity. The things I see are without shape. Color has lost its brightness. People appear muted and void of hue. There is an inability to communicate and speak clearly. You died today.
The road is coarser, even with appropriate tread. They no longer have direction. Landscapes no longer have horizons. The moon cannot rise, and the sun will never set again. You died today.
Plants no longer have roots and no way to thirst, hunger, or thrive. People are adult and ageless. Faces appear upside down.
Life is void of emotions. No love, no kindness, no depression, no anger. Is it not worse to be void of emotion than to be in anger? You died today.
No one will ever dance again. Lips of people will never touch. The touch between the two will never connect. Embraces have become non-existent. You died today.
I will continue to be in the physical reality. But when you died today, you took the best part of me. You took my heart.
Hope died today, and humanity has gone away, too.