Hey you,

I’m almost certain that the memory of me has faded by now, but I often think of you and how your smile would light up a room full of shadows and anguish. I recall that if anyone could turn anything into an inquisition, it was you. With your coarse hair, knobby knees, and fire-filled personality, to me, the only thing that could stop you was God himself. The way your feet would pitter-patter down the street to hustle the neighbors for money so that you could buy a treat! But don’t worry, your entrepreneurial journey was only beginning, my friend.

Are we still friends? They say relationships are give and take, but while you gave, I turned my back and walked away.

I didn’t think I needed your lying tongue, naive antics, sad thoughts, and broken heart. It was all too much to carry, or so I thought. The part of you that I judged was exhausting, and life seemed to go on exceptionally well without me burdening myself with your pain. However, I write this letter not to condemn you but to beg for your forgiveness. This vain, shallow heart didn’t realize that the parts of you were where I drew my strength.

I am sorry I never told you that I love you. That your laugh reminds me of Bob the Builder and your fierce sense of justice is my moral compass. That your inability to be a “yes man” was my only protection. I am sorry that I took your heart for granted. Your ability to forgive is unmatched, and your view of love is out of this world. Your family and friends viewed you as unstoppable, while I viewed you as a liability.

I am sorry that it took me so long to realize your worth. You are perfectly imperfect in my eyes. I don’t expect you to welcome me back with open arms, but I am committed to mending our relationship because you were the best part of my life.

Love,
You

All those lonely nights, know that you are not alone.
You have people who love you dearly.
You are their home.
You’re still growing up.
There are reasons why
you should give yourself some grace every night you cry.
Take a look back at yourself.
You are not where you used to be.
Thank God for the glory that only you can see.

You are strong and resilient.
Every obstacle you go through, is a test of your strengths.
If there’s anything I can tell you, I will tell you this…

Life for us is not fair.
We have to worry about our tone or appearance
and our hair.
All of it is beautiful. All of it is wonderful.

Dear little black girl, I know we think we’re grown, but there is so much growing that we missed out on.
It’s hard to catch up. It’s hard to keep up,
but don’t let that keep you from growing up.

Dear little black girl, it’s tough.
Even when your growing, sometimes all the frustration is showing.
Showing in your choices, relationships, and bonds.

Dear little black girl, I love you today, the same as I did when you were little, and misunderstood. Look at us now!

You’d watched her do it for years with envy. Turned on the switch that illuminated a dozen eggs scattered about a styrofoam oven. Instead of two neat rows of 70 calories, these misshapen, feather laden, orphans lay dormant in my mother’s 1st grade classroom until they pecked their way through birth only to be “set free” and dead before their 6 year old foster parents started the next school year.
So when I, crossing the farm across the street, stumbled upon a nest without a mother, took it upon my 12 year old self to clutch the only child from its cold next and cradle it within my hoody as I entered my first month of motherhood. I found the incubator, covered in the amniotic fluid of this past year’s open-house-show-stopper, and quietly brought it upstairs to my closet. I plugged it in and placed my single egg within its synthetic worming haunches. A few weeks later, my pubescent closet was filled not only with American Eagle sale items but the warmth of newly hatched killdeer. It was an endangered species. I fed it worms and it died. I felt proud. But now, filled with regret.

Don’t lose that twinkle in your eyes.
The urge to create, art from within.
Daydreaming…lost in the skies.
A life without sin.

Oh, just look at that smile.
So happy, so sweet, so naive.
Why don’t you stay awhile?
You don’t have to leave.

Hold on tighter, don’t let go.
Just breathe.
I’m not ready, no, no, no
Please don’t leave.

Numb, can’t feel a thing.
Get out of my head.
I can’t breathe, do something
At this rate you’ll end up dead.

Breathe.
Get up, you’re not done.
Breathe.
Staring up at the sun.

You’re not done yet.
You still have work to do.
Wanna make a bet?
The gods are watching you.

It was right here.
Where’d you go?
There’s no need to fear.
Just go with the flow.

Breathe in, breathe out.
Stop overthinking.
You’re protected, without a doubt.
Start manifesting.

It only gets better from here.
Watching yourself heal and grow.
There’s no need to fear.
Trust your intuition, you know.

Breathe

The only thing that Lauryn Grace couldn’t make was her bed. She’d rather slay the fearsome dragon snarling underneath instead. Too many rocks that need a-chucking. Too many comics to be read. Too many rings that need collecting, gotta help her hedgehog friend. Then there’s the concert coming up, she’s got a wicked tune to shred. Yeah, the guitar’s a broom. So what? Brushes aren’t just made for heads. Singing straight into the bristles, loose hairs standing up on end. Who’s got the time for tucking sheets when there’s a party to attend? The finest mud pies in the city. With pinecone tea, a lovely blend. Then there’s of course the playdough spaghetti, which we highly recommend. Then after every stuffy’s stuffed, and after every friend’s been fed, a-tinkering we’ll go and build a fort in Grandpa’s shed! Not a single wall left empty, doodles decorate the stead. Christmas lights and LEDs a plenty, disco ball dangling by a thread. But chillaxing to the max can get old fast, and oh, the dread! To the water tanks it is, over desert sands we’ll tread. In a-billion degree weather, hot enough to bake some bread. Where the cactuses are jumpy, and the wildfires spread. Home of scorpions and snakes, and UV rays that make you red. The perfect place for children. Dunes were made for kids to sled! But when nighttime rolls around, and the stars are overhead, time to head on home; there’s a sleepover case that must be pled! Scary stories about monsters, Grandma’s teeth, and the undead fill the room with screams and giggles, followed by a, “GO TO BED!”. Well, the night’s not getting younger, and you heard what Sargent said. Time to head on down to Dreamland, far too weird to comprehend. And that’s exactly how she likes it. Every moment, time well spent. Among the viking werewolf pirates, where her soul’s truly content. In the morning, they must bid farewell their sensei president. Kung Fu politics will have to wait, she awakes a master chef! Bacon pancakes flipped with precision. Three gold stars, and each are Michelin. When the feeding frenzy’s finished, not a single crumb is left. With the dawning of a brand new day, she starts upon her quest. There’s a big world to explore, who knows what to expect? But whatever comes her way today, she’s ready for the test. She finds the magic inside everything, and leaves out all the rest. Now a decade and a half’s gone by, and my, the time flys fast! That’s over five thousand four hundred sunsets, and over 15 birthdays passed! Much had changed, yet much has stayed the same. Some things good, and some things bad. But despite the growing pains, she made her way and here she stands. Head still high up in the clouds, with countless dreams so big and grand. So much older now. Back then it would be hard to understand just how special, bright, and loved you were, the world inside your hands. I’m so very proud of us, there’s nothing we cannot withstand. Despite the odds stacked high against us, we braved the storms and we found land. And it’s all because you stayed with me, through fire and dark of night. You were the still, small voice inside that’s whispered, “it’s gonna be alright.”. You who view the world excitedly, through graceful, loving eyes. You who beacon me to silence when I need a place to hide. And you meet me in the middle, you remind me of the light; ever present, ever growing, radiating from inside. I see you there in every belly laugh, in each expression shaped in art. I feel you spark a child-like wonder when a song touches my heart. I sense you guiding me to truly be myself, and love each part. Thank you little me, we’ve truly been amazeballs from the start. ❤️

To the girl I once knew well whose laughter rang like a soft bell, whose eyes held dreams unbounded and free, there’s so much that I love in me.
I love the way I Dare to dream and chase the world with a hopeful gleam, an open heart so pure, and a spirit so bright I filled my darkest days with light.
My kindness is like a gentle breeze. I could calm the wild and restless seas. I give my heart without a pause. I love deeply, even knowing loss. 
I dance in the summer rain and find joy within the pain. The courage I have when storms roar shows strength; I cannot help but adore.
My young curiosity and wonder I now explore; my heart I always feared to ponder, each question in my mind explores. I love the way my soul sores.
At times, I stumble, yet I stand tall, willing to give it my all. As I face each twist and turn with every step, I see I learn.
For every smile, every tear, for every joy and every fear, all the dreams that I hold tight, I love me in the morning light.
So here’s to you, my younger self, a treasure worth more than all the wealth. For all you are and all you’ll be, there’s so much that I love in me. 

Your innocence shines through the cracks of my skin,
Like rays of sunshine beaming through to remind me that you’re still here.
You sit in corners with your piano,
Your imagination dancing.
I hear your silence singing to me,
See your eyes filled with hope.
I couldn’t heal until I looked within and saw you sitting alone.
You never asked for love,
And you seldom cried.
I carry you with me as I go.
You’re a reminder of the light I still hold inside.

So young yet so old,
You are more powerful than you know.
From time to time,
Tears trickle down my cheeks.
We’d been left alone before,
And I was wondering if it was me.
But my sweet girl,
I didn’t get to hear my tears hit the floor.
I took my eyes off of you for a second and found you holding me.

Your love is potent.
You are wise beyond your years.
I carry your light with me.
I will always take care of you and wipe your tears.
My sweet girl, the world is something you may never understand,
But I’ll be here for with you.
I’ll never let go of your hand.
When your light beams through,
I’ll know that it’s you.

My sweet girl, my love is with you.

To my younger self:

It’s sometimes hard to say “I love you,”
But know, I always do.
You shine bright in a world full of darkness,
with strength and resilience when most would give up.
You possess beauty inside and out—enjoy it, because it does fade 😉
But know that no matter how hard you try to be perfect, you already are.
Made in God’s image,
a princess immaculate in design.
Wise beyond your years,
funny even when you don’t mean to be,
and smarter than you will ever know.
You have a heart of gold—something to be proud of and cherish.
Through pain, you push through and triumph, which is tough at such a young age.
You may not have had the childhood fun some kids had, but you do have love.
You are a leader,
A champion,
A survivor.
You make the world a better place, and your smile lights up every room.

Remember, you are loved deeply and valued beyond measure.
Keep shining bright, for you are destined for greatness.

Love you truly,
Kristina

To the little girl smiling,
I admire the beauty that you see in everything.
To the little girl smiling,
I admire the good you try so hard to find in everyone.
To the little girl grinning from ear to ear,
I can’t help but be envious of the TRUE carefree life that you live.
To the little girl whose cheeks are sore from the smile that never leaves,
Don’t be afraid of your kind soul-
for you’ll learn to love it.
To the little girl smiling despite her scrapes and bruises,
and is unsure of what she has to offer the world-
I’m proud of you for keeping on.
To the little girl whose smile never left
I love that you make sure the smiles stay on the faces of whom you love.
To the little girl smiling,
you have taught me more than I could ever express.
To the little girl smiling,
you have taught me… how to love
you
me
and every version of us
that comes to be.

I miss the way you believed in the stars,
how you sent them your wishes
and forgot all your scars.

I miss the way you would bask in the sun,
hiding from the darkness
replacing it with fun.

I miss how you loved with all your might,
and believed you were worthy
of a love just as bright.

I miss how you held the belief
that the world was good
and she had no teeth.

But I have grown and forgotten,
allowed my pain to fester
and turn the world rotten.

I have succumbed to my scars:
no longer dancing outside
and wishing on stars.

I no longer bathe in the sun’s light,
but hide in the shadows
to stay out of sight.

My love for the world has been altered.
I cannot see past my pains;
my wonder has faltered.

But, I promise to be better for us.
to remember your smile
and regain your trust.

To look at me the way
you looked at the stars.

I was visited by love today. She showed up out of the blue, like a familiar face that I never knew. She said, Anna, is that you? I replied, yes, love, it’s me. With the biggest smile on her face, I was held in love’s embrace, like the clouds over the moon. A rush of heat went through my body like a fever coming through. I softly whispered, thank you, love. I’ve missed you too. I went to step away, and there she was again. She said, where are you going? I’m not finished with you yet. I looked at her, surprised, wondering what she meant. She said I’ve been waiting a long time to tell you what your purpose is. She said you have a heart to help those in need, not just physically but spiritually; indeed, you have a calling on your life; your feet are firmly planted on the ground. Your wings have fully grown and have spread out.
You no longer live in fear but trample it at your feet. Your head is held high, and you let love speak. Love pours out in all you do; you are no longer a songbird caged but free to let your voice ring. Love then looked at me and said, you’re so beautiful. You have heart to help people and a voice that rings true. I sat there, overwhelmed by the grace that love has shown. I held her tight, and at that moment, she was gone. I was visited by love today. How I never knew the love I carried, even when I was blue.

If I had all day, the list would never be complete

All the things I love about, that little mini-me

The little girl who laughed so hard,

But cried all through the night

Not a shadow on her heart, but plenty in her eyes

To my inner child, that darling little girl

I’m sorry she couldn’t love you, the way you so deserve

But I try to make up for it, loving us as one

And here are just a few things I love about

That unique little one

I love your infectious laugh, Your quick wit, and your joy

The way you inspire healing everywhere you roam

You’re the reason we’re still standing, you fearless little thing

For that I thank you, you’re stronger than you know

We survived the storm, all thanks to you

And now we fight for others, my darling little girl

To the six year old digging for rollie pollies in her neighbor’s backyard,
never lose that hope.
Keep searching for the smaller pictures,
and you won’t find an end to the rope.

Fight the rules if you think they’re cruel,
let yourself cry when things are unfair.
Be prepared for duels,
and feel the wind through your hair.

You may be called weird or crazy,
and some may not be kind to you;
but if you feel alone,
feel the grass between your toes,
and remember there are two.

We feel all things deeply,
it’s a beautiful way to live.
So care for every creature and
always be willing to give.

Dance like no one’s watching,
explore the things you love.
Do not seek approval-
you can find it in the sun.

And please always remember,
you were born a wild one.

Let’s have a chat and sit and talk for a while, as I bring forth a profound truth. The awesome part of this chat is that I will detach myself from you, but we will still be one. The blood that runs to your veins is the same as mine one heartbeat. As I look in the eyes of myself, I give notice that the decisions and choices that I chose will have a profound effect on your life for years to come. They will affect my children and my grandchildren. I can’t see it now because I’m young and in my foolishness, I don’t have the concept of time coming to an end , it’s not always about the clock on the wall. It’s when time simply runs out. This life you’re living is filled with destructive behavior. I was given the opportunity to speak to my younger self, and the one word that keeps coming back is stop, but knowing you like the way that I do , you won’t stop you will take it to the limit. One day years from now you will find peace in your solitude. You will have built up a strength and resilience that is unimaginable. What I love about Anita is she is able to adapt to any situation, she is like a chameleon ever changing to suit the environment that her trials find her she has ability to face struggles and trials and never give up, not that Anita has anything to prove, but it is her grit. Her ability to re-create to be put in any situation and survive and flourish, and always trying to become the best version of myself daily .