TO. My Younger Self

Dear Roxanne,

The time has come to write to you regarding the impact of the challenges faced and are ahead. It seems since our mom decided that she needed space from us, her five children’s life has surely been hard. Even though meals were scarce, and baths were far and in between we were all together. I believe that I mentally blocked this part of our lives. For I don’t remember anything before this. We were now placed in the system of the Department of Economic Security. The Division for Child Protective Services now orchestrated our lives and luckily family members and friends stepped up to claim us.
Fortunately, the kind elderly lady, who you were very fond of living across the street, opened her doors to you. She had helped feed all of us when mom could not provide and now, she was stepping in to be guardian over your life. Life was moving along and at times mom would show up and check on you. You were growing up now and began to excel in school and at sports. After all, you had a bed to lay in at night and every meal was provided, including when at school. This lady loved her community and people and opened her to many people. This is where life changed for you and the great challenge that formed the woman you became and are today.
A family friend moved in, an older gentleman known to the area and knew your mom as well. He saw that you were growing older and would state from time to time how pretty you are and were going to be. The flow came that summer and the body changes began to change from little girl to young woman especially in the chest area. He recognized this and began to secretly comment about them. The discomfort you felt and fear that set in when you were left alone in his presence. Yet, you told no one out of fear that no one would believe, or this could disrupt the home graciously gifted. Thankfully sports kept you away from home most days and some days there was no appearance of him.
The dreadful day that caused so many challenges ahead had come and life took a drastic turn. You were alone in your room, just straightening up and he quietly appeared behind you. He had shut the door behind him and blocked you from moving toward it and safety. You could feel his breath on your neck and instantly he grabbed your face and slipped his hand under your blouse. He turned your face and began to kiss your face and onto your lips aggressively. Your heart rate was so high, and fear caused you to whimper, and this caused him to release and flee from the room. You were only twelve years old now and a grown man was interested in molesting you. The challenge caused you to form ideas for creating more distance between him and staying away from more than usual. It was noticed and finally a grown-up (your mother) asked for your welfare. And without hesitation you spoke of the instances that had led to him finally groping and kissing on the mouth. Your mother was upset and went and discussed it with the guardian and assured you he would be handled. Yes, it was handled drastically by an uncle who had an issue with this man sleeping with his wife. Yes, there was a gun involved, brief hospitalization and jail but most importantly this man was never seen again. Months later, this uncle ( after being released from jail) gave assurance this man would never touch or harm you again.
The challenges of your youth went from an absent parent to being molested by a family friend. Yet, life went on and you were an Honor Roll Student, awarded athlete and great participant in your local church and other community entities. So, to you I say, keep pressing forward life has many challenges. Yes, Roxanne, there will be setbacks, losses (great losses) and hardships as well. Believe me, there were times when you felt broken, abandoned and suicidal. But in the end, you did overcome the childhood challenges to become the woman lively and vibrant today. Let me tell you this, time revealed that your name is really Roxanna.

Take care always, Roxanna