Dear Pregnancy,
This has been the most intense nine months of my life. I have never grown so much as a person so quickly. From my body, to my relationships, all the way to the way my mind works, you have taught me so much about myself. I won’t lie there has been times when I’ve seriously not liked you, but at the end of this long journey I’ve never been more grateful for an experience more than this one.
At first you were quite a head rush. Everything about you seemed exciting. I told everyone about you. Every person in my life was excited for me. In my mind, I had always wanted this. There was nothing that could break my happy high. I started planning as soon as you arrived. Some could even say I got a little ahead of myself with how quickly I moved as soon as I found out.
Then suddenly there was all the bad. The sickness all day every day. The hatred for all the foods I once loved. The sleepless nights of insomnia. The absolute shame I felt looking into the mirror. The amount of friends I lost. Last but certainly not least, the dread of feeling like there was no way in the world I could ever be a mother.
Slowly but surely, you taught me the reverse of all these things. Like how the sickness was my body starting the creation of my little boy. The fact that losing my favorite foods meant temporarily enjoying all the weird and fun cravings. Even some things I never liked at all! All the sleepless nights made me be so much more appreciative of my rest and how important it is for me, because before I took my rest for granted. I also have a beautiful new outlook on my body image because of you. I grew a whole human! Do you know how insane that is to wrap your head around? I may have a tummy and definitely no thigh gap, but I have the most wonderful little man in the entire world. I also learned that some friends are meant to be left in the past. There are some who are behind closed doors super fake and are not deserving of my love and devotion. There are also some who I had to let go because they were not healthy for me and I would have never seen that without you. Lastly, I was so scared of being a mom. I did not think I had what it takes to be one. Maybe I don’t, but now I know that there’s nothing in the world I would not do for this little guy. I have learned that I am going to make so so so many mistakes and that sometimes my belief in myself is going to shake. That’s okay. This will make me stronger and will help me grow and learn so I can do better for him.
So I guess I’m just trying to say thank you. Thank you for all the bad that I did not understand was all the good. Thank you for teaching me to grow as a person. Thank you for pushing me to learn so much about myself. Thank you for seeking out my genuine friends. Thank you for making my relationship with my partner blossom in new ways I didn’t know to be possible. Most importantly, thank you for my little boy who I can’t wait to watch grow, and learn, and love. Thank you.
Our time seemed long while it was here. When in reality it was quite short. I look forward to visiting you in the future again. I cannot wait to see what else you will teach me then.
Love always,
A first time mom……
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