Life has been complicated ,complex and a Joy.
It seems like death has always been part of my journey
I only knew one of my grandparents. My Mom’s Dad died the year I was born.
My Dads parents were already deceased.
It was a good childhood until my Dad died in 1968, three days after Christmas.
As Langston Hughes said as a family we kept “climbin…”
Mom was our Angel she kept us “climbin”, growing ,showing love and compassion.
Through juvenile delinquency, drug addiction, single motherhood ,financial crisis and anxieties.
Mom use to always say when times are hard remember your pass victories.
Times when you didn’t know how you would make it but you did!
Life lifed and I’m still present, standing and struggling because of Grace and Mercy!
I have faith and confidence in the assignment that’s still unfolding.
Looking forward to living in Retirement & what 2025 will bring.

Amen.

These last few years have taken a toll on you mentally and physically, but I am proud you didn’t give up on yourself like others did. Even though you questioned your sanity at times, you prevailed and paved a path through mucker and mud. Even in the darkest hour of contemplating your life, a voice said no – you need not do this; you need to take care of yourself, and I will guide you. Your voice was silenced for a moment, your pen stopped writing, and songs no longer came to you, but somehow, you found it all again. Through the tears, the heartache, and the pain, you managed to press through and reinvent yourself. You discovered that you were stronger than you ever knew. You learned that one person’s rejection of you is another’s prize and value. You learned that you are not alone if you open your mouth and share. Because others are struggling too, I like that you declared this summer the summer of “me” to get your mental and physical self back. You lost 15 lbs, finally went to therapy, and found that being selfish about you is okay.

Dear Younger Me,

Yes, it is me, or you, the older model. I know this is weird and has a “Back to the Future” vibe, but it is me, older me, or you. I have been pondering lately, for a few years, about the past, my journey, and how I got here. I look back and see how I grew, stumbled, got up, and not only survived but thrived my way through. While my life may not seem spectacular it has been a journey worthy of appreciation and thanks. That’s why I am writing this, to tell you Thank you!

Thank you younger me for not giving up when life threw you unexpected chaos and trials. Thank you for learning to evolve as life changed for you, you changed, and you helped others change. Thanks for never stopping to look for answers even when there seemed to be none. Thank you for keeping the faith, for building on the rock, for believing God had you and never left you alone, He didn’t, and He still carries you.

Thank you for not settling for the abuse, for the obstacles that appeared to be insurmountable. Thanks for not ever buying into the idea that you “could not” and fought to be and do. Thank you for being strong enough, and for fighting to make things right. And especially Thank you for not lowering to the level others play from.

Thank you for listening to your grandfathers, grandmothers, and Mom and Dad. Thank you for holding on to their advice, stories, and the faith they helped you to build. The morality and the inspiration that those who raised you shared with you helped build you. You may not understand it yet, but you will. You grew up in the best time, maybe the last of the best times. Savor the time you have, things change later. You will be okay, just enjoy the journey.

I am older now than I ever imagined being, you never really think about age the way it comes. Some days I sit and wonder how I got this old, and how and when the time slipped by. I would love to tell you that I am older and wiser, but I feel like I am older and more learned. Ahhhh… the things you will learn, the epiphanies, and sudden realizations will be sprinkled throughout life as you grow. At this stage of our life, I often feel at times as if I have lived too long, life has become surreal at times. But your foundation is strong. Thank you for that, for believing, for trying, for giving yourself grace and mercy.

I just wanted to say Thank you for it all. You will feel as if you can’t go on, but you will not falter in the end. You will keep going, you will hear your Daddy in your head and heart… “You can’t stop, you have to keep moving and work through it,” is sage advice for sure. You will see the wisdom in things as you pass through life, it may not seem like it but you will. Life at his stage is still full of surprises and realizations that come with a need to evolve, accept, and find the path forward again. But you younger me, you built a foundation on the rock, you evolved through life fearlessly it seemed. I know there were so many times when fear and anxiety tried to steal your power, your ability, and your drive. Thank you for never giving up. I don’t want to spoil things for you, just know that whatever comes, you will survive it.

Again, thank you younger me, You are amazing… Keep going.
There is so much ahead of you, I look back and smile more often than not now. It all works out, so far anyway, just keep going…

Older Me/You

Dear Me,
Today, I pause in the stillness of my existence to pen a letter not to the world, not to its chaos, its demands, or its endless expectations, but to you. To the one who has carried me through every triumph and trial, every joy and sorrow—myself.
Thank you for every breath you’ve taken when life felt suffocating. For each moment you chose to inhale hope and exhale despair. You have been my anchor in the storm, standing firm when the waves of doubt and fear threatened to sweep us away. You are the lighthouse guiding me back to shores I forgot existed, reminding me that home is not a place, but the most sacred temple within.
Thank you for your resilience, that quiet, unyielding strength that whispers, “Keep going.” For the way, you’ve stitched together broken pieces of our heart, over and over, with threads of courage and self-compassion even when our hands shook with weakness. You have faced the darkest of nights, knowing that the dawn would come—even when you couldn’t see its light.
Thank you for choosing growth over comfort, even when it hurt. For diving into the depths of your soul to unearth truths buried beneath pain and shame. You’ve embraced the messy, the imperfect, and the flawed parts of yourself, not as weaknesses, but as reminders of your humanity.
Thank you for the love you’ve given, to yourself and others. For the way you’ve learned to hold your own hand when no one else could. For the nights you cradled yourself in arms of forgiveness, rocking gently in the rhythm of grace. For the boundaries you’ve set, the “no” that meant protecting your peace, and the “yes” that opened the doors to possibilities you once thought impossible.
Thank you for every risk you’ve taken, for every dream you’ve dared to dream aloud. For every time you’ve leaped, not knowing if the net would appear, trusting that your wings would learn to fly on the way down. You are a testament to bravery—bold, unapologetic, and relentless.
Thank you for the softness you’ve allowed yourself to feel. For crying when the world told you to be strong. For laughing even when the weight of the day felt like too much. For seeing beauty in the ordinary, in a sunrise, a song, a small act of kindness. You have taught me that life is a mosaic of these tender moments, and they are worth cherishing.
Thank you for forgiving yourself—for the mistakes, the missteps, the times you didn’t know better. You have shown me that perfection is a myth and that every stumble is a lesson, every fall a chance to rise anew.
Thank you for believing in yourself when others doubted you. For holding onto the vision of who you are becoming, even when the road is unclear. You are the architect of a future that shines brighter because you dared to lay the foundation today.
Most of all, thank you for choosing to love me—the real, unfiltered me. In a world that tries to shape us into what it wants, you have fought to remain authentic, to honor your truth, and to celebrate your essence.
You are my hero, my safe space, my greatest companion. Together, we have survived, thrived, and become a story worth telling. And while the journey ahead may still hold challenges, I know now that with you by my side, there is nothing we cannot face.
So here’s to you, to us—to the warrior, the dreamer, the healer, the creator. I love you. I am proud of you. I am grateful for you.
With infinite admiration,
Me

I Hear Them Singing
by Olivia Colette Lee

The friends I love
I carry in my heart
As a piece of me
I’m grateful
as a locket that’ll never fall off its chain.

The leaves of the fall….
the number of my friends
I hear them singing
beautiful as an empty vase with wind inside
You make me feel loved
calm
The leave on my ear
I hear them singing
The friend I love in my life
I am grateful
Singing I my ears as the leaves of the fall
They will always be in my life.

I hear them singing.
I hear them singing….

Thank you for showing up here
Thank you for the laughter, pain, frustration, love, and joy that formed every tear
Thank you for continuing to fight when you really wanted to give up wallowing in fear
Thank you for releasing the trauma
Thank you for no longer ruminating in your own drama
Thank you for the courage you stand every time you write and speak
Thank you not abandoning me in the valley and carrying me to the peak
Thank you for allowing ease, nurture and care for your entire being
Thank you trusting your partner instead of fleeing
Look at that you’re thriving and married now
When years ago you didn’t think you were worthy of a vow
But you trusted in divinity when you couldn’t see where, what or how
I admire how brave and resilient you are
The power in your creativity makes you a star
Even through years of feeling invisible, unworthy while isolating in shame
You learned through your own healing that you gain nothing when you blame
So cheers to living in your truth, slightly chaotic and delightfully untamed

Reaching back
To hold your hand
Realizing
you’ve always been there
Waiting
to be everything to me

Now your laugh echos
Reminding me of joy
Your wonder persists
Reminding me to dream
Your sweetness permeates
Reminding me to love
And your courage rings
Reminding me to be strong

You exist
within me
Guiding me
Loving me
Cheering for me

Because I love you
I am never alone
Even in the dark
I feel your warmth

I look in the mirror
And see that little girl
I wrap her in love
and I watch myself grow

It’s only possible
Because of all we’ve been through
So the thing I’m most grateful for, every day,
Is younger me,
Thank you.

I thank you Lillian for simply being you. I am proud of all your hard work and accomplishments. Thank you for finally taking care of you. You have been about other people for so long now, you lost yourself for a second. Thank you for being so forgiving. Even though it may have seemed impossible, you did it. Thank you, Lillian, for finding God and allowing yourself to walk by faith, not sight. It was the best decision you made. Thank you, Lillian, for remaining calm when exploding would be acceptable. You finally understand that no one is worth the anger, sadness, or irritation. No one is worth your peace of mind. Thank you, Lillian, for standing in your truth, and simply being you.

Thank you, my soul,

Thank you for getting through this moment, now. Thank you for everytime you said “I can’t do this anymore,” yet persisted.

Thank you for allowing yourself the time to let yourself truly rest. From finding your own way to stay in recovery, how to be at peace with yourself. How to not need approval from others. Thank you- for learning and working to remain to be grateful to be grateful.

Thank you for finally prioritizing your health and expressing weakness. That has turned to strength for you. Staying open minded has taught you how to be resilient. You are modeling clay for yourself.

Thank you for trying in your marriage, instead of leaving when it got hard. I know you have regrets about letting things continue, yet you did what you thought was right. I appreciate the way you let your love shift to pain and know what boundaries are. I also appreciate the way you can shift pain to love. You’re an alchemist. I admire that.

The way you overcome your phobia of the highway after all those car wrecks, the way you didn’t go back to using after you used, the way you got pregnant over and over slowly losing hope with each test with two pink lines. Thank you for making peace with your pain- for taking the best of all the people you’ve loved and lost and doing your best to emulate the admirable characteristics they had. Thank you, for staying malleable to yourself.

For learning to own and to be your own your space. For being brave enough to try everything you desire, so that you can pursue your passions. For not being a slave to fear. For becoming water, for touching my core and trying to swim into deeper waters. From the bottom of all that I am, the depths of my soul, thank you. I am eternally grateful that you didn’t give up on you.

Yours truly,
You.

Dear Survivor,

Through storms I have persevered with humility and grace.
While waiting for each rainbow to appear and the sun shining upon my face.
Whether tear streaked in sorrow or smiling with pride, my eyes reveal a testimony.
Be it for fun or to help others in their afflictions, I use my storms to tell a story.
Of tenacity and resilience, for a survivor’s tale is often not just our own
We are called out of our struggles to be an encouragement for fellow spirits to make them strong.
From childhood trauma to overcome and complicated grief to navigate through.
I’ve done more than survive but have thrived in this life as a true conqueror must do.
As I speak to the trauma and dreams that seemed to go neck and neck
I’m grateful for the healing and recovery journey that derailed my life’s train wreck.
Out of all the struggles and storms, I’ve learned that I can overcome and still press on.
Out of the bed of afflictions I rise,
claiming the blessings that I was born.
For I have my purpose to fulfill in this life
Let not one ounce of my pain be in vain
I have each guided step to still take
and lessons learned that I will gain.
Conqueror and prayer warrior I’m made to be,
for The Most High makes no mistakes.
Every roller coaster ride, I take in stride
For it is in the living that makes us great.
I will stand in the word that uplifts and carries us all,
I will always fight to be the voice of change and answer the call.
And each time I feel that my spiritual light is growing weak or dim,
I will call upon Yah, angels and ancestors to fill my heart and spirit to the brim.
As I walk on with my head held high, stepping off on faith and not by sight.
May I always feel hope despite life storms to be a vessel of light.
So today I’m saying thank you to the little brown girl that I carry inside,
the one with the big heart and whose love flows like the tide.
Whose dreams are profound and her journey ordained,
Let joy fill your heart for the Lord knows and loves you by name.

In a fit of disillusion as I stare at my reflection,
The man in mirror disappeared.
Was there ever a man, Or even a reflection?
Or just at man at face with his fear.
You were there for me when no one else was.
I’m so grateful you made my mirror clearer.
I’m thankful for who you are to yourself,
and how you fight for light when times are dark.
Even when times feel like everything is ending,
You remind me that that this is just the start.
I just want to shake your hand and tell you thank you.
Without you,
I wouldn’t be who I am after everything that I’ve been through.
Joshua, I love you more than you’ll ever know.
I want you to smile more in that mirror of yours.
You will learn to see your glow.
I admire your ambition through hard times and tribulations.
Just know I’m always be here for and will offer my congratulations..
For being you.

-Joshua

Look at how well I’ve done and how much stronger I am. For all the second guessing I did, I figured it out on the first try, which tells me to follow my heart and head. For all the heartbreak that seemed to just keeping coming, I thank me for finding the strength and the courage to let the love and light in. Everything I’ve done has turned out better than I expected. I know it wasn’t easy and I sure wasn’t easy on myself either. I thank me for not giving up on me. I’ve done good – really, really good!

Love Me Always!

I think phrases like “I’m sorry” and “thank you” are the most powerful, yet the most overused. I say “thank you” to the barista when I get a morning coffee, I say “thank you” to the cashier when they help check me out at the grocery store, I say “thank you” when people go out of their way for me. I can’t remember when the last time I said thank you to myself was. And when I truly meant it. So today I say thank you.

Thank you for trying to find even a sliver of gratitude in a seemingly thankless time. Thank you for the power behind your words, and for the truth you put behind them. Thank you for reclaiming everything you never thought you’d be able to do again, and doing it for yourself: Thank you for holding anxiety’s hands when it comes to you full force. Thank you for not turning cold in a world that was bitter to you. Thank you for remaining kind when all you’ve known is abuse and judgment. Thank you for being a warm smile on a winter’s day. Thank you for putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how small the step. Thank you for buying the fancy shampoo and doing your hair when you don’t feel like it because you let it be a mess the first half of the week. Thank you for not judging yourself – because maybe that’s what you needed at the time. Thank you for holding on – even if by the tiniest thread. And thank you for never giving up.

Dear Pretty Dee,

I want to give you your flowers.

It’s so amazing how you were once so unaware but still walking in your power. You thought you were never worthy of anything good because of your past. You thought you had ran out of time, until you learned that you have the power to turn the hour glass.

I see you shedding new skin and you being free at last. You carried so much pain and now you’re finally shedding your past. Like a beautiful butterfly, you are freed from your cocoon at last.

I just want to thank you for rocking and rolling with life’s punches. You know how to transmute your strife and allow beautiful things to grow. You are a hero not just to your kids but to me. Even on the hard days you rise. I should call you and Phoenix; with how you burn in the fire just to ride from the ashes each time. Baby, you are a star who shines. And you never let it go out. Even when you were in darkness and filled with doubt you were still shining ever so bright. No matter how hard you used to self-sabotage, you couldn’t even dim your own light. I am so grateful to know you and to see you in every single season. You lived to tell the tales of why you had a 13th reason and how you beat it. You are more than a conqueror and patting yourself on the back doesn’t make you conceited. You thought you took some losses but really it’s a flawless victory. Because the things you release and let go of catapult you into your destiny. The better you are the best me. You ooze authenticity even when you try to hide in the shadows. Baby you are a sunflower and you will never be a rose. You really keep people on their toes. I am glad that you have learned to love being hated. Because now love grows in the places where you were jaded. I might be biased but I think you are the greatest thing that God could have ever created.

You learned to stop over-giving and watering others. And pour into you. I love the peace you have because you are more into your self-care. I love how you are so aware. I am thankful that you started implementing boundaries and you let them stay there. I thank you for allowing me in your space. I know i haven’t seen anything but your are giving me a taste. The endless love and gratitude that I have for you is unconditional and cannot be counted. I love that you over came the mountain that was you. I thank you for staying true even when you were lost. I’m so grateful that you realized that you are the boss. I can give you thanks and gratitude for ages but I might run out of pages. Because I am not worshipping just you but the Holy Spirit of God within. I am thankful to know that in you I will always have a friend and you got me where I lack.
DeAndrea, I honestly just want you to know that I am grateful for you and I love you to the next universe and back! You finally love yourself and stop waiting for people to water you back and get their approval. It’s the best thing you could have done. Taking care of you. So no matter what always stay true because your kids are becoming better people because of you.

I love you,