In 2024, a moment shone bright,
A day when everything felt just right.
The classroom buzzed with quiet pride,
As understanding grew from side to side.

A breakthrough bloomed, soft and clear,
A quiet smile, a spark of cheer.
A student reached a place so new,
And in that moment, strength just grew.

The hard work paid, the effort true,
A bond of trust in all they knew.
In that small moment, a world was changed,
And everything felt wonderfully rearranged.

A memory to carry, warm and near,
A reminder that growth is always here.
2024 brought joy anew,
A year of progress, of dreams in view.

Rolling them dice
In this world of mine
Gambling at loves price
Yes, I am fine!

Read between the lines
Cause, I will not say
What my mind confines
Please, will you stay?

Must I tell you a tale
Or tell you how I really feel
Instead, I could run and bail
Or make love an ordeal!

Maybe I will give you a clue
The chaos I have become
Just to be true
What a sacrifice to come!

The love between us
Could be a distant memory
Is there any more to discuss?
Oh quite contrary!

Each year’s a fresh collage of memories,
most blurry, insignificant, and pale—
but some recur as vivid reveries.

Please.

Of those, I cannot choose a favorite tale.

How could I rank a moment as the one
I’d save to an impenetrable drive
if suddenly my brain became corrupt,
deleting every snippet of my life?

No love is more important than the next.

I’d sadly watch each pixel fade away
from Betamax home movies in my head,
all color leached, my screen a snowy gray,
still hanging tight to this year’s bonus speck—
the extra day of Mason loves Mammay.

Dear Unsealers,

2024 has had a lot in store for many of us, I am sure.

It is nothing compared to 2023, which shattered some hopes and some dreams for me.

In 2023, I said goodbye to past versions of myself, but with them went parts of my little family. They passed away only one year ago. It took some time to process all that, and I’m not quite sure I am done at this point.

In 2024, something different in me woke up. I saw things differently, new things I hadn’t felt, old feelings too. PTSD does bring its blues. I may not be great, at least not just yet. But I’ve told myself again and again that I’ll spend my life trying to be the best version of myself.

2024 is my favorite memory.

I’ll feel this one for sure because it has given me the space to address some old wounds and heal. It’s given me memories and moments an old me would have wanted. 2023 was filled with a lot of pain for me—many times tested, many nights alone. Everything will all be worth it in the end.

So today, when you ask me what my favorite memory of 2024 was, I’d say every day, in every way. But if I had to choose just one, it would be when I turned 26. I’ve never liked my birthday, and I probably never will. But when I turned 26, something in me clicked. I was so sure I’d expire before the age of 25, so sure, in fact, that it was hard to imagine myself past my 20s. But I made it to 26, and some days past that.

2024 is my favorite memory of 2024.
I wouldn’t say this year is easy.
But it hasn’t been the most challenging year yet.

2024 has been such a blessing to me both creatively and personally. I have been performing poetry since January 2023 and its been such a fun ride. 2024 has been such a rewarding year due to the growth I’ve seen in myself. I am naturally a reversed and socially awkward person but this year I’ve learned to be more social. Networking with artist and platforms created alot of opportunities with featuring in open mics. One of my favorite memory of the year was doing my first video shoot (acting /extra role) which was because i reached out to peer that was looking for extras. Another memory was participating a podcast called first date questions which i was vulnerable about my dating life. I am so proud of myself because i have met so many cool people and people i’ve been fans of for such a long time and its really incredible that they appreciate my work as much as i appreciate their work. Not sure what 2025 has for me but i am very excited in what paths open up to me.

Dear Unsealers,

My 2024 was a whirlwind of life events.

Losing friends, though keeping a few close.

Turning 40 years old while at the psych hospital.

Losing my favorite cat – my reason for living.

Getting denied for long-term disability pay a second time.

Continuously struggling to survive.

Finding a new reason to live.

It is so easy to lose sight of the good things in my life.

There is, however, one process I began this year that overshadowed this seemingly never-ending shitstorm –

Changing my identity.

I realized that I am nonbinary in 2022.

I discovered a new name for myself – Blue Sky – in 2023.

I started stepping into that identity in 2024.

I got a new haircut.

Adopted a new aesthetic.

Became more true to myself.

In August, I petitioned the Superior Court of California to have my name and gender identifier changed.

In November, I legally became Blue N Sky and nonbinary.

I get to change my birth certificate.

And now I realize that I have always been Blue Sky.

My parents gave me my previous name.

Society gave me my previous identity.

I broke out of societal expectations of me.

I feel more authentic.

Living closer to my values.

Blue Sky is a beautiful extension of my creativity.

Blue Sky is a reminder that no matter how stormy my life gets –

Blue skies are always on the horizon.

And now I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Still far away.

But the glimmer is blue.

The glimmer is me.

Life sometimes is uncertain, we can’t control the circumstances that comes along into our journey as a mother, as a human beign raising a kid.

One of the best memories of this current year 2024 it is related to one of my 3 kids, my oldest daughter, she is an incredible, dedicated, stubborn, sometimes a little obstinate kid, she is the proof of perseverance and successful.

She is 10 years old now, but at the time when every just started was on 2018 when she was 4 years old, by that time she was at preschool and she was sent to get evaluated to a professional IEP team and she was immediately eligible to get into the IEP at her school, I really struggle to get her the right IEP teacher at that school, so I decided to changed it to a different school where resources were more accessible, she got into the IEP, we found amazing teacher, we have great memories of them, she got the help she needed, most of this successful of being out of the IEP now, it is because of those teachers that initially helped my daughter to acquire the confidence that she got now in order to be out of the IEP.

My daughter had to changed again of school, but luckily we found another great teacher who treat my daughter with love, patience and she trust in my daughter in being out of the IEP one day.

And the years passed, my daughter continued into the IEP, but God had another plans for her, u remember one year ago, I met the different teachers, social worker, psychologist and everybody involved in my daughter IEP yearly meeting evaluation and God put me into my mind to express in that meeting that I wanted my daughter so badly to be out of the IEP sooner than expected, and I took a leap of faith and I suggested the school team that I wanted my daughter to spend more time in her regular classroom than in the segregated IEP classroom, everybody agreed on push my daughter a little further to obtain greater results, Thank God, my daughter never gave up and she was adapting so well into her new classroom transition.

All this previous story is because it has a happy ending, a new start for my daughter to demonstrate that with conviction, effort, and enthusiasm everything it’s possible.

In this 2024 something happened that I will never forget, I just had the yearly meeting evaluation to see if my daughter still need the help of the IEP, and guest what? My daughter was declared completely out of the IEP, she doesn’t was found eligible for the IEP anymore, those days are gone, they were in the past now, but thanks to those days we as a mother and daughter learned the importance of concentrate in the good thing that we want to happen, but nothings comes free, it is a matter of perseverance, consistency, praying, faith, trust in ours, and always giving the best of us.

One of the best memories of this current year 2024 it is related to one of my 3 kids, my oldest daughter, she is an incredible, dedicated, stubborn, sometimes a little obstinate kid, she is the proof of perseverance and successful.

She is 10 years old now, but at the time when every just started was on 2018 when she was 4 years old, by that time she was at preschool and she was sent to get evaluated to a professional IEP team and she was immediately eligible to get into the IEP at her school, I really struggle to get her the right IEP teacher at that school, so I decided to changed it to a different school where resources were more accessible, she got into the IEP, we found amazing teacher, we have great memories of them, she got the help she needed, most of this successful of being out of the IEP now, it is because of those teachers that initially helped my daughter to acquire the confidence that she got now in order to be out of the IEP.

My daughter had to changed again of school, but luckily we found another great teacher who treat my daughter with love, patience and she trust in my daughter in being out of the IEP one day.

And the years passed, my daughter continued into the IEP, but God had another plans for her, u remember one year ago, I met the different teachers, social worker, psychologist and everybody involved in my daughter IEP yearly meeting evaluation and God put me into my mind to express in that meeting that I wanted my daughter so badly to be out of the IEP sooner than expected, and I took a leap of faith and I suggested the school team that I wanted my daughter to spend more time in her regular classroom than in the segregated IEP classroom, everybody agreed on push my daughter a little further to obtain greater results, Thank God, my daughter never gave up and she was adapting so well into her new classroom transition.

All this previous story is because it has a happy ending, a new start for my daughter to demonstrate that with conviction, effort, and enthusiasm everything it’s possible.

In this 2024 something happened that I will never forget, I just had the yearly meeting evaluation to see if my daughter still need the help of the IEP, and guest what? My daughter was declared completely out of the IEP, she doesn’t was found eligible for the IEP anymore, those days are gone, they were in the past now, but thanks to those days we as a mother and daughter learned the importance of concentrate in the good thing that we want to happen, but nothings comes free, it is a matter of perseverance, consistency, praying, faith, trust in ours, and always giving the best of us.

Stepped outside of my comfort zone
I tried something new
At first I was scared but happy it’s something new
I agree to a date, Not sure if I’m ready
It went so well I’m in love, Already?
A few years later we’re here again
we make some jokes
we play some games
we’re on a beach like we were on our first date
he asks if I’m ready
the sun has set
he takes my hand and bends to say
we were here before and I have to tell ya
He says all these beautiful things, I love him too
He says you ask how much I love you, let me show you
He pulls out a box on one knee
I smile so big, through tears, I try to see
A huge rock shinning under a light
He says will you Marry me
I say yes and squeak!
I never knew someone could ever love someone like me
Anxiety, depression, goofy, and all the odd things about me
People love my light so they cling to me
but I’ve been hurt so much from people trying to dim me
He came into my life and lit me back up
I can’t believe next year
We will become one.

In this golden age of technology and social media, there are many things I am grateful for, and others that I could go without. I love sending people funny videos, but I despise the hateful comments underneath some. I love being able to recline the seats on a Costco leather couch, but when the seats get stuck, you’re left with an incredibly awkward positioned chair that requires a skillful maneuver to sit in it. No fun. But one thing I am incredibly grateful for is the feature on my phone that will send me “1 year ago, today” memories throughout the week. I scroll through and giggle at my antics or mourn the loss of my once long hair that nearly touched my bum less than a year ago. But those little slide shows and still moments invite me to reflect.
In those pictures, I see a girl who has no idea what is in store for her yet. She likes herself but isn’t ready to spend a night out alone with herself yet, or even 10 minutes in still silence for that matter.
In meditation, I visualize myself sitting down with her. We sit on my bed in the same places I always sit in with my friends when they come over. I tell her about my favorite moment I’ve had this past year, and she starts to look worried. She’s in disbelief that she would ever be able to muster up the courage to play out this memory I’ve described. But we did it, and there is no doubt in my mind that we’d do it again.
I used to say I had horrible social anxiety. Then my explanation turned into I am an introvert. Then it changed into “but those people are probably going to be there so I can’t go”, then it turned into, “I don’t have it in me to go,”. And those are the self-fulfilling bullshit prophecies I told myself for years every time there was something that I wanted to attend. But one night I saw a flyer for a concert that was going on. I liked the bands that were going to be playing, I had been to the venue before (a small little club with blue lighting and a Neapolitan style pizza by the slice Walk-up-Window right next door), and it was a themed concert. I adore any function that has a costume mandatory dress code. I looked at the date on the flyer to see if I was free. To no avail, the concert was that evening. I instantly jumped to “Well that’s a bummer, I guess I can’t go,” and went on with my day. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how fun it sounded. So, I texted my friends one by one asking if anyone wanted to go with me. But no one was free to go since it was so last minute and on a random weeknight. So once again, I excepted my defeat and tried to get excited for another mundane night in. But something in me just wouldn’t let the idea go.
I looked at the flyer once again and read that the theme was Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Like, come on. How could I pass up the opportunity to dress like a whimsical being and dance my little butt off to some punk music. The idea of going alone made me want to throw up. This was an incredibly social scene. It’s a college town so that means everyone usually came to these things in groups of four to five people. A duo was even a little rare let alone someone standing all by themselves. The fear of perception began to wrap it hands around my throat, and I nearly muttered another pathetic, “I don’t have it in me”, but I just wasn’t buying what that prophecy was trying to sell me. So, I put together a costume with approximately an hour before I had to leave, did my makeup, ate a quick snack, and said a prayer asking for courage and safety as I left my house and made my way to the venue. My stomach churned the whole way there. I couldn’t tell if it was excitement or nerves. But as cheesy as it was, one powerful and annoyingly catchy Chaka Khan song revealed to me that what I was feeling was excitement and equal parts empowerment. “I’m Every Women”, came on and I danced in my Subaru like I had tinted windows and an MTV music video appearance. I realized that it didn’t matter what people thought about me when they saw me standing alone in the club, I was going to have fun, and I was going to grow while doing so.
It was probably the most fun concert I had ever been too. I danced so hard my skirt nearly fell down and I was 99% sure I had whiplash. I had also talked to a lot of new people that were super fun and nice. I guess when you’re alone, people are way more likely to come up and talk to you. A lot of people even admired that I had come alone, saying things like “Wow, I’d never have the guts to do that,” or “My social anxiety could never,”. It made my entire night knowing that I got a taste of true confidence, but I also inspired other girls to give it a shot. Life is too darn short to not do what you want to do, and I am way to incredible to not become my own best friend. I think that is why this was my favorite moment of the year. I was there alone and there wasn’t a minute where I felt lonely. I whole heartedly enjoyed spending that night out with myself and letting go of anyone’s perceptions or judgements.
So, I learned I don’t have social anxiety. I am just on a journey of finding my confidence. I also learned I am not an introvert. But it’s also totally okay to honor when I need a break, and my social battery has run low. And yes, the world is small. Sometimes people who don’t like you are going to be somewhere you are. But as hard as it is, I am learning to release the fear of their judgement and hate. But most importantly, my “I don’t have it in me to go,” prophesy has now turned into a conversation that goes a little something like this. “Hey body. How are you feeling. Do you feel healthy and strong enough to go to this? Do you want to go to this? Is there anything stopping you? How can I support you through that?”, and I don’t think that would’ve been the case if I hadn’t shown up for myself and took myself out dancing on that random weeknight in October.

i see the manger
By: Jim Kellogg
(The Queer Poet)
11-15-24
(a great day — seeing the manger for the “first” time)

i see the manger
through the eyes of…
the broken
shards of glass
stuck in their eyes
blood-red tears streaming down
their faces

i see the manger
through the eyes of…
the refugees
no place to call home
just like the holy family
far beyond
a strange new world

i see the manger
through the eyes of…
the queer
rainbow blood
flowing through their veins
are they a part
of the covenant

i see the manager
through the eyes of…
the abused
battered bodies
battered souls
battered spirits

i see the manger
through the eyes of…
the poor
the ones without
i was naked
i was hungry
i was sick

I see the manger
through the eyes of…
the illiterate
those who cannot
for whatever reason
closed minds
vulnerable minds

i see the manger
through the eyes of…
the “unclean”
deemed so
by the plaster prophets
and the pew warmers
hypocrites

i see the manager
through the eyes of…
the children
laughter
tears
wonder
pain

i see the manager
through the eyes of…
the words
spoken
sang
signed
left unsaid

i see the manger
through the eyes of…
the shade of gray
the in between
fresh perspectives
blended thoughts
the impolitically correct

i see the manger
through the eyes of…
the marginalized
those on the edge
no way in
no way out
trapped

i see the manager
through the eyes of…
revelation
shaking with
sadness
joy
hope

i see the manger
though the eyes of…
the mighty counselor
the son of god
the everlasting father
the prince of peace
god with us

One of the best moments of
2024 for me, was that time
I decided to open Up
And be a Lil vulnerable.
Felt nervous but comfortable.
As we sat at a table eating lunch,
I let her read my
{Broken or Broke in} poem.
Opened me up more,
Pretty soon I started reading aloud.
Feeling high in the clouds,
The feeling was “unique”.
The way she sounds when she speaks
Had me expressing more
Freely & frequently.
I just wanted to hear that
Specific frequency.
So grateful for that moment
Of vulnerability.

This year began with me lost and confused,
Ignoring God’s calls, his voice infused:
“It’s time to heal, to let go, to break free,
Release what no longer serves, and set boundaries.”

Each time I smiled at my reflection’s view,
The truth inside whispered, “I see through you.”
I kept running, avoiding his steady plea,
Until isolation season sat me down to see.

Face to face with the shadows I’d flee,
For the first time in my life, I discovered me.
No longer bound by others’ demand,
I took my healing into my own hands.

This year’s ride has been a twisting road,
A Rollercoaster of weight and soul unbowed.
Through tears, I’ve released what held me confined,
Through breath, I’ve found peace and time to realign.

A spiritual journey, a path I now tread,
2024 brought the tears that needed to be shed.
It brought me closer to truth, closer to peace,
This year, I discovered a version of me unleashed.

Dear Unsealers:

Dobar dan iz Dubrovnika!

It’s the afternoon of Friday, October 11th, 2024.

I’m walking along the city walls surrounding the old town of Dubrovnik. With each stick tap and every step, I can see more and more of the Adriatic Sea. The old town of the city is on the horizon. Red roofs as far as the eye can see.

This is the last day of a ten-day trip to Croatia. I don’t want to go back to NYC.

I’ve seen a bit of everything as we’ve moved along.

From the urban sprawl of the capital city in Zagreb. Gritty, quirky, and fiercely proud of its place in the Balkans. The shades of gray in the sky didn’t stop the sightseeing. From the Stone Gate to the Zagreb Cathedral, there are still signs of damage from the earthquake in 2020. To the Lotrščak Tower with a canon that fires every day at exactly noon. And the local delicacy, a cheese-filled pastry named Strukli complements all the pivo and lamb on offer.

A mishap happened during our tour of the Plitvice Lakes National Park. I nearly lost one of my hiking sticks in the lake but was able to recover it One step at a time, I was able to navigate the 2.5 mile hike in the rain.

As the trip moved on, the gray skies of the continent gave way to the coastal portions.

From Split and its starring role as the backdrop for Game of Thrones to departing the mainland for the island of Hvar. The moonlit skies in the harbor overlooking our hotel, with the islands of Brac and Korcula on the far horizon.

Here we are in Dubrovnik. It’s every bit as scenic as my mind thought it would be. The city walls surround the old town, tiled streets, and views of boats in the harbor leading excursions out to the other islands off the coast.

Thirty-eight of us are in this group, and I’m the only solo traveler. As in previous trips, I didn’t let that fact deter me from befriending the group. Everyone’s been so kind to me, especially our tour guide Nikoleta.

I released my first poetry book while this trip happened, “A Poetic Journey, Staying At Home” and to my wonder and amazement, everyone took a liking to me and to my poetry. In fact, there’s a bit of a surprise during the farewell dinner later this evening.

I was worried that there would be a letdown after the epic trip to Greece the year before. But thankfully, that didn’t materialize. This was a fast-paced trip, and I enjoyed every minute once I touched down in Zagreb.

I was able to forget the delayed flight to Munich from JFK and the fact that I missed my connection to Zagreb. When you have views of the Adriatic in front of you as I do, all the negativity gets pushed aside and the joy is what remains.

It’ll be tough to say zbogom Hrvatska!
But I leave Croatia in awe of this country and all of its beauty.

I hope to be back again soon, as there’s so much more to explore.