• I'm Still Here

    A year ago today, I was admitted to the hospital because my bout with COVID had taken a turn for the worse. It started mild in mid-February but by March 3rd I could not shake my high fever of 105 degrees. As I was being wheeled to the triage nurse’s area. I prayed silently that I would walk out of the hospital alive. No, I was not being melodramatic. My fear is derived from being a sufferer of an autoimmune disease called Rheumatoid Arthritis. I knew the reality of compounding COVID with a compromised immune system can be a deadly combination.
    As you can see, my prayer was answered but not without a challenging path. I spent three months in hospital on the road to recovery.
    During the past year, I:
    Celebrated my birthday unconscious on a ventilator
    Spent a month and a half in the ICU fighting for my life
    Had a tracheotomy to keep my lungs saturated with oxygen
    Had to learn to swallow drink, and eat
    Had to learn how to stand and walk after being in a hospital bed for so long.
    Cried many days because I could not do the most basic things by myself like brushing my teeth.
    Missed out on the first 3 months of my youngest’s Sophomore year because I was bedridden.
    Cried during events like my child’s Choir concert, my daughter’s Sweet Sixteen party, and even pulmonary rehabilitation sessions because I couldn’t believe I’d made it out of the house
    Have learned every single respiratory apparatus known to man. I have been living on oxygen since last March. So far, I have reconciled in my brain that it will probably be for life.
    But have had some people (most people, because I have the best people in my life) show me incredible support and compassion—and share their stories with me
    Long Covid and Rheumatoid Arthritis are not a great marriage but at least I am alive. Trying to figure out my new normal.
    Learned about the realities of job hunting while on oxygen. I am so used to being able to hide my disability but now that I have a visible challenge it is much more difficult.
    Even though my journey with Long Covid has been a rough one, I have my sense of humor through it all. I took pleasure in naming twin oxygen tanks after characters in one of my favorite cartoons. I have built my arm muscles because the two tanks along with the carrier are twenty pounds. In addition, I find joy in matching picking out fabric for custom tank covers. Of course, I see them as an accessory, and they have to coordinate with my outfit. My life has changed considerably over the past year. I am grateful to be able to do the mundane routines that I used to take for granted. I do not let my circumstances bring me down. As my grandmother would say, “I’m still here”.

    Shaideh T. Justinvil

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    • Shaideh, your story is such an inspiration to me. I am certain that your positive and hopeful attitude helped you survive your illness! Though it sounds like your situation was touch and go for a while, you remained steadfast in your dedication to getting better. Because of that strength, you are even stronger today. Thank you for sharing your story! I admire you!

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    • I am so sorry you have been so sick and have missed so much. But I am inspired that you have been able to see the circumstance through a positive lens. I hope you continue to heal. And your Grandma is right; it is a blessing that you are still here. Sending healing vibes. <3 Lauren

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