You were weird
And quiet
And you might have been a beast

Your parents had prayed for an angel
When you arrived, spent and vacant
You opened your mouth
And no song rang out
Just a confused sort of yelp

You morphed into an eight-year-old human girl
Changed your clothes three times a day
Spun wheels of stories
Cried without sounds

Your mother said it was time to start showering
After coming indoor, greasy and breathless

Your father never looked at you the same
Once he caught your legs sprouting spikes of hair
He told his Wife to hand you the family razor

But you continued to smell like grass
Pretending the trees were friends
The dogs, your sisters

When you began middle school
You wrote love poems for your teachers
Tried out for basketball
They sent you to get tested for scoliosis
and the drool

But you howled the loudest in spring musical
Made fellow hairy friends
Who would later hunt you down

But snarled and unkempt
Starry-eyed and smelly

You kept
becoming

You are weird
And quiet
And you might be a beast.

I close my eyes and remember all the things I loved about this chocolate little girl
The way she fearlessly belted every note, snapping her fingers in the mirror as she’d twirl
The rhythm would flow through her like a river reminding her to remain steady in the stream
This was a time when she believed in herself so much, she envisioned living her wildest dreams
 
I loved how she approached life with a carefree giggly attitude
How she’d sang every melody with courage, power, and gratitude
She’d stand in the mirror using the remote as her microphone
She felt unstoppable hopping on the bed to use as her stage, completely in her zone
 
I loved how she’d create beauty so unashamed of her art
How she carried infinite joy and resilience in her heart
I remember when she made a song about marmalade
And it was high key catchy even though her little brother threw shade
 
I loved to ride the waves of her imagination as she’d create without guilt or shame
She had this tenacious audacity that reminded others her fire could never be contained
She’d clothe herself in ambition and determination to speak
Especially when her mom crafted her outfits so classy, elegant, and chic
 
As I heal and return to embracing all those things I loved about the younger you
I release every limiting belief that convinced you your dreams wouldn’t come true
Your ancestors are guiding, protecting, and propelling you forward, right on queue
Whispering, “Rise up queen, this reflection of love is your breakthrough!”
 

As I reflect on my life in my thirties,
It feels like I’ve lived an eternity.
From innocent and sweet childhood days,
To learning how to love and weep in different ways.
My soul has shattered like glass on the floor.
Yet I’ve learned to pick it up once more.
Dreams are not always what they seem,
And fairytales remain in books we read in our dreams.
Life as a child was genuine and freeing,
Only fully appreciated when grown-up and foreseeing.
In these thirty-two years, I’ve seen life’s highs and fears,
Moments when I’ve wanted to die, and moments I’ve held dear.
I’ve experienced the joy of life and the pain of loss,
Sometimes in the span of a single day’s toss.
Reflecting on my innocence and childlike faith,
I realize it’s not always easy to maintain that state.
But my resilience to live outweighs my desire to die,
No matter how often I felt ready to try.
If I could travel back in time and meet the child version of me,
I’d say, “Life will be tough, you’ll face challenges you cannot foresee. But in the end, you’ll prevail, despite the hurdles you’ll meet.”

I hear you call my name
The sound so sweet and delicate. Traces of vanilla and honey lace around every word you say. Despite what they have said you’re a wonderful kid.
You’re just afraid.
I won’t repeat the cold words they say but I’m sure you already know them.
Im sure you know your nose shape, the way it crinkles when you laugh at something dumb. I’m sure you know how loud you are but your silence is far louder.
I know you see the way you eat, im happy to watch you indulge happily.
I know you know the way they talk about you like you’re not even there.
Well i see you.
I know they didn’t like to hug you. My arms are open wide, always. They don’t even compliment you but I couldn’t stop staring at the rare beauty you hold. Im gladly the beholder. I know you’ve been hurt in ways you really can’t understand, I’m sorry I can’t undo the pain. But I’ll make sure no one ever hurts you again.
You’re a pure soul who continued on, despite these thoughts you don’t understand.
Despite your small mind having been shattered, you’re still innocent, loving, and I want to love you forever.
You bring a joy that can’t ever be replaced.
You take my hand and it’ll be okay because I won’t ever let go.

Dear Chardy Pooh,

Chardy Pooh you did not Know!
You were so brave, You did not even know how much!
You stood up for self-value. Even when you did not know you were.
You stood up for being different!
You did not know that.
You stood up for peer pressure.
You did not know that.
You stood up for love.
You did not know it.
You stood up for hope.
You did not know it.
You were a strong person who stood for people, rights, love and acceptance!
You did not even know it. You did not know, you had anything to love about yourself. You did not know you had anything to be proud of. That’s why you almost did not write this letter. You did not know, but now you know! You had something to love! Something to be proud of!
I love and am so proud of you Chardy Pooh!!!

Thank you,
Charmaine

Little Ariana, here’s a letter long overdue,
To tell you of all the wonderful things I really adore about you.

You are special, you are loved,
created by God up above.

You’re brave and kind, creative and smart,
you make people smile with your talents and art!

A humorous and whimsical, eccentric little girl,
When faced with fun new challenges, you’ll always give it a whirl!

To haters and bullies who act out of spite,
you always counter them with kindness, and keep shining your bright light!

From Summer to Fall and Winter to Spring,
you always find the beauty in everything.

You always cherish special moments, you don’t let them pass you by,
family outings, hanging with friends, or with Grandma baking pies.

You are strong and resolute, oriented in routine,
though people grow and interests change, a part of life as you have seen.

An articulate and detailed artist, you always take your time,
From drawing pics to writing stories, or coming up with rhymes!

For the pace you finish your tasks doesn’t matter, go at your own comfortable pace,
For as Aesop wisely said, slow and steady wins the race.

You don’t let your setbacks hold you down, though at times life’s left you scarred,
you put up your blinders, and focus on your goal, no matter if it’s hard.

You can be hard upon yourself, though in itself that’s not a fault,
Just remember to achieve greatness, you mustn’t put your life at a halt.

Through your pain you keep on marching, with all your strength and might,
You’re strong and resilient, steadfast and brave, your future sure is bright!

Nobody’s perfect, and neither are you,
but to yourself you always stay true.

Best of all…
You never change who you are to fit in with the crowd,
you’re awesome just the way you are, no need to hide, be PROUD!

When She Loves Me

By. Gabrielle Brandi

She liked the simpler things in life.

Like what was on the tv or whatever toys she liked.

She loved adventures under the pale blue sky, she loved the way the trees would greet her as she would pass by. She loved the way the swings freely let her feel the cool air. She loved the way the wind whispered through her hair.

She never let anyone stand in her way. Even on the rainiest days.

When the sun wouldn’t shine, she would keep herself warm.

On the days it would rain she would shelter herself from the storm.

She dealt with things a child should never have to bear.

Yet, she carried on humbly, with all her happiness she shared.

There were the things that she didn’t quite love.

She felt trapped within me as I grew up.

There are days where she shines her light.

To let me know she’s still here and full of life

She loves making music on my beat-up guitar

She loves expressing herself through art.

She loves our old shows and our old songs we used to listen to in mom’s car.

What I love about her most is that she loves deeply within her heart.

But most importantly, you could see.

Nothing else matters when she loves me.

Listen
I remember a beast with a foul tongue.
Everyday an endless torment.
Scorching with hateful words.
Digging deeper still.
Till at last I find you hidden.
We are one and the same.
I am here to remind you.
That you are loved beyond measure.
It wasn’t your fault.
You have always been innocent.
Just looking for acceptance.
That I adore, your singing little songs.
How curious you were about nature.
I loved most was how gentle you were.
Quick witted, bright, tried with all your might.
How your smile would beam.
That you were shy with strangers like a closed bud.
Unless you knew them well.
The bud when turns into an open flower.
Your an amazing survivor.
Have turned tragedy into victory.
By simply being uniquely you.
My! How stunning you shine.
I saved all your tears in a bottle.
To place it in God’s palm.
Never doubt His love, luv.
Just remember to keep an open heart and listen.

I know how badly you want to disappear. I know you’re overwhelmed in a world so big and you just want to make yourself so small that you’re overlooked; to be tucked away, hidden from all of the trouble, the pain, the noise. You were never meant to be in a place this big. You were not meant to inhabit space like this.
When you were young, you’d tighten yourself into a compact version of yourself, tucked into something even smaller, like your toy box, or the closet, or in an empty bathtub. Hoping that if someone went searching, they’d never be able to find you.
You never wanted to die. Not like that, anyway. You just wanted to escape it all. You wanted to be kept warm and safe from the shouting and the screaming. You feel safest when you’re the smallest version of yourself that you can be. The word “claustrophobic” isn’t in your long list of fears.
Being so small that you’re overlooked. That’s always been the goal. No one sees you or expects anything from you. You’ve always tried to keep to yourself. Not let anyone be able to hurt you. Never sharing your needs with anyone, because then they’d realize that you’re a real person, who takes up space, who makes noise. They’d be less willing to deal with you if you decide to have a voice. If you don’t just sit back quietly and fit into whatever they’re doing, they won’t want to be near you. Spend time with you.
Why do you have a desire to not be a human being? Why do you want to be so small, so overlooked, so quiet? Are you afraid of disappointing people? Or are you afraid of another fight? You’d close your door, hide under your bed. And you’d cry and cry and cry. But you’d never make a sound.
You’re not that little girl anymore. You don’t have to be afraid of getting in the crosshairs. You don’t have to be afraid of living your life. You’re allowed to make some noise, you’re allowed to take up space. You don’t have to pretend you don’t want or need anything to keep people satisfied. You deserve to ask for what you need. You deserve to take up room. You deserve to be loud. You deserve to be happy.
So, to the girl who wished to be smaller, it’s time for you to spread out. It’s time for you to scream. And it’s time for you to accept and welcome the happiness you deserve. You’ve hidden for long enough. Now it’s time to be big.