Dear Great Granny,

I understand.
Believe me, I do.
I would have loved
to have met you though.

I know from old pictures
that you were a treasure;
a formidable force
but also a treasure.

Born in rural Kentucky,
or was it Missouri?
You had a fraternal twin brother
who died.
Do you realize you do not have a birth record?
And your brother does not have a death record?
In any state,
according to Ancestry?
Only hearsay,
as shared with the following generations.

(I have a theory about your mysterious beginnings.)

In life,
you were ahead of your time.
You never backed down.
You had nine children;
eight daughters who were my great aunts
and one son; my grandfather.
He thought the world of you.
One of your baby girls died
the day she was born.
You were left widowed young,
alone raising all those kids.
How did you do it?

You bought land in Virginia,
and built a house.
You had determination,
ambition,
grit
and
resilience.
You raised your kids and grandkids,
while everyone else worked outside the home.
You took charge
when times were hard.
You looked tough,
and tall,
with strong arms and a square jaw
but were also
kind and nurturing.
You were fair but did not accept nonsense.
You had boundaries,
and you knew how to use them.
You got the job done.

When I was adopted,
the agency blamed you.
The social worker
told my parents
that you made my birth mother relinquish me,
because no one could care for me right.

It’s not your fault.
I believe this.
I know this,
because I found your family,
which is my family too now.
They were close, but
filled with drama
and unpredictability
at the time.
You had my sister and four cousins to look after.
You were in your 70s.
Who was taking care of you?

So I get it.
I never heard your side of the story,
as you saw things,
but I feel it.
You were a strong (physically and mentally) woman,
for many people
and probably the biggest reason
why my sister
and cousins
are such fine folks today.
You taught them to do the right thing.
I thank you for that.

You and I have many things in common.
We are fiercely loyal to our families,
and we spend lots of time with grandchildren.
We are resourceful and focused.
we deal with life’s emergencies,
and we survive.

As for my theory regarding your and your brother’s missing birth records:

In spite of never having met in person,
I believe that you and I have one more big thing in common.
The difference is you never knew,
and I did.

Perhaps you were adopted also.