I Hear Them Singing
by Olivia Colette Lee

The friends I love
I carry in my heart
As a piece of me
I’m grateful
as a locket that’ll never fall off its chain.

The leaves of the fall….
the number of my friends
I hear them singing
beautiful as an empty vase with wind inside
You make me feel loved
calm
The leave on my ear
I hear them singing
The friend I love in my life
I am grateful
Singing I my ears as the leaves of the fall
They will always be in my life.

I hear them singing.
I hear them singing….

Thank you for showing up here
Thank you for the laughter, pain, frustration, love, and joy that formed every tear
Thank you for continuing to fight when you really wanted to give up wallowing in fear
Thank you for releasing the trauma
Thank you for no longer ruminating in your own drama
Thank you for the courage you stand every time you write and speak
Thank you not abandoning me in the valley and carrying me to the peak
Thank you for allowing ease, nurture and care for your entire being
Thank you trusting your partner instead of fleeing
Look at that you’re thriving and married now
When years ago you didn’t think you were worthy of a vow
But you trusted in divinity when you couldn’t see where, what or how
I admire how brave and resilient you are
The power in your creativity makes you a star
Even through years of feeling invisible, unworthy while isolating in shame
You learned through your own healing that you gain nothing when you blame
So cheers to living in your truth, slightly chaotic and delightfully untamed

Reaching back
To hold your hand
Realizing
you’ve always been there
Waiting
to be everything to me

Now your laugh echos
Reminding me of joy
Your wonder persists
Reminding me to dream
Your sweetness permeates
Reminding me to love
And your courage rings
Reminding me to be strong

You exist
within me
Guiding me
Loving me
Cheering for me

Because I love you
I am never alone
Even in the dark
I feel your warmth

I look in the mirror
And see that little girl
I wrap her in love
and I watch myself grow

It’s only possible
Because of all we’ve been through
So the thing I’m most grateful for, every day,
Is younger me,
Thank you.

I thank you Lillian for simply being you. I am proud of all your hard work and accomplishments. Thank you for finally taking care of you. You have been about other people for so long now, you lost yourself for a second. Thank you for being so forgiving. Even though it may have seemed impossible, you did it. Thank you, Lillian, for finding God and allowing yourself to walk by faith, not sight. It was the best decision you made. Thank you, Lillian, for remaining calm when exploding would be acceptable. You finally understand that no one is worth the anger, sadness, or irritation. No one is worth your peace of mind. Thank you, Lillian, for standing in your truth, and simply being you.

Thank you, my soul,

Thank you for getting through this moment, now. Thank you for everytime you said “I can’t do this anymore,” yet persisted.

Thank you for allowing yourself the time to let yourself truly rest. From finding your own way to stay in recovery, how to be at peace with yourself. How to not need approval from others. Thank you- for learning and working to remain to be grateful to be grateful.

Thank you for finally prioritizing your health and expressing weakness. That has turned to strength for you. Staying open minded has taught you how to be resilient. You are modeling clay for yourself.

Thank you for trying in your marriage, instead of leaving when it got hard. I know you have regrets about letting things continue, yet you did what you thought was right. I appreciate the way you let your love shift to pain and know what boundaries are. I also appreciate the way you can shift pain to love. You’re an alchemist. I admire that.

The way you overcome your phobia of the highway after all those car wrecks, the way you didn’t go back to using after you used, the way you got pregnant over and over slowly losing hope with each test with two pink lines. Thank you for making peace with your pain- for taking the best of all the people you’ve loved and lost and doing your best to emulate the admirable characteristics they had. Thank you, for staying malleable to yourself.

For learning to own and to be your own your space. For being brave enough to try everything you desire, so that you can pursue your passions. For not being a slave to fear. For becoming water, for touching my core and trying to swim into deeper waters. From the bottom of all that I am, the depths of my soul, thank you. I am eternally grateful that you didn’t give up on you.

Yours truly,
You.

Dear Survivor,

Through storms I have persevered with humility and grace.
While waiting for each rainbow to appear and the sun shining upon my face.
Whether tear streaked in sorrow or smiling with pride, my eyes reveal a testimony.
Be it for fun or to help others in their afflictions, I use my storms to tell a story.
Of tenacity and resilience, for a survivor’s tale is often not just our own
We are called out of our struggles to be an encouragement for fellow spirits to make them strong.
From childhood trauma to overcome and complicated grief to navigate through.
I’ve done more than survive but have thrived in this life as a true conqueror must do.
As I speak to the trauma and dreams that seemed to go neck and neck
I’m grateful for the healing and recovery journey that derailed my life’s train wreck.
Out of all the struggles and storms, I’ve learned that I can overcome and still press on.
Out of the bed of afflictions I rise,
claiming the blessings that I was born.
For I have my purpose to fulfill in this life
Let not one ounce of my pain be in vain
I have each guided step to still take
and lessons learned that I will gain.
Conqueror and prayer warrior I’m made to be,
for The Most High makes no mistakes.
Every roller coaster ride, I take in stride
For it is in the living that makes us great.
I will stand in the word that uplifts and carries us all,
I will always fight to be the voice of change and answer the call.
And each time I feel that my spiritual light is growing weak or dim,
I will call upon Yah, angels and ancestors to fill my heart and spirit to the brim.
As I walk on with my head held high, stepping off on faith and not by sight.
May I always feel hope despite life storms to be a vessel of light.
So today I’m saying thank you to the little brown girl that I carry inside,
the one with the big heart and whose love flows like the tide.
Whose dreams are profound and her journey ordained,
Let joy fill your heart for the Lord knows and loves you by name.

In a fit of disillusion as I stare at my reflection,
The man in mirror disappeared.
Was there ever a man, Or even a reflection?
Or just at man at face with his fear.
You were there for me when no one else was.
I’m so grateful you made my mirror clearer.
I’m thankful for who you are to yourself,
and how you fight for light when times are dark.
Even when times feel like everything is ending,
You remind me that that this is just the start.
I just want to shake your hand and tell you thank you.
Without you,
I wouldn’t be who I am after everything that I’ve been through.
Joshua, I love you more than you’ll ever know.
I want you to smile more in that mirror of yours.
You will learn to see your glow.
I admire your ambition through hard times and tribulations.
Just know I’m always be here for and will offer my congratulations..
For being you.

-Joshua

Look at how well I’ve done and how much stronger I am. For all the second guessing I did, I figured it out on the first try, which tells me to follow my heart and head. For all the heartbreak that seemed to just keeping coming, I thank me for finding the strength and the courage to let the love and light in. Everything I’ve done has turned out better than I expected. I know it wasn’t easy and I sure wasn’t easy on myself either. I thank me for not giving up on me. I’ve done good – really, really good!

Love Me Always!

I think phrases like “I’m sorry” and “thank you” are the most powerful, yet the most overused. I say “thank you” to the barista when I get a morning coffee, I say “thank you” to the cashier when they help check me out at the grocery store, I say “thank you” when people go out of their way for me. I can’t remember when the last time I said thank you to myself was. And when I truly meant it. So today I say thank you.

Thank you for trying to find even a sliver of gratitude in a seemingly thankless time. Thank you for the power behind your words, and for the truth you put behind them. Thank you for reclaiming everything you never thought you’d be able to do again, and doing it for yourself: Thank you for holding anxiety’s hands when it comes to you full force. Thank you for not turning cold in a world that was bitter to you. Thank you for remaining kind when all you’ve known is abuse and judgment. Thank you for being a warm smile on a winter’s day. Thank you for putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how small the step. Thank you for buying the fancy shampoo and doing your hair when you don’t feel like it because you let it be a mess the first half of the week. Thank you for not judging yourself – because maybe that’s what you needed at the time. Thank you for holding on – even if by the tiniest thread. And thank you for never giving up.

Dear Pretty Dee,

I want to give you your flowers.

It’s so amazing how you were once so unaware but still walking in your power. You thought you were never worthy of anything good because of your past. You thought you had ran out of time, until you learned that you have the power to turn the hour glass.

I see you shedding new skin and you being free at last. You carried so much pain and now you’re finally shedding your past. Like a beautiful butterfly, you are freed from your cocoon at last.

I just want to thank you for rocking and rolling with life’s punches. You know how to transmute your strife and allow beautiful things to grow. You are a hero not just to your kids but to me. Even on the hard days you rise. I should call you and Phoenix; with how you burn in the fire just to ride from the ashes each time. Baby, you are a star who shines. And you never let it go out. Even when you were in darkness and filled with doubt you were still shining ever so bright. No matter how hard you used to self-sabotage, you couldn’t even dim your own light. I am so grateful to know you and to see you in every single season. You lived to tell the tales of why you had a 13th reason and how you beat it. You are more than a conqueror and patting yourself on the back doesn’t make you conceited. You thought you took some losses but really it’s a flawless victory. Because the things you release and let go of catapult you into your destiny. The better you are the best me. You ooze authenticity even when you try to hide in the shadows. Baby you are a sunflower and you will never be a rose. You really keep people on their toes. I am glad that you have learned to love being hated. Because now love grows in the places where you were jaded. I might be biased but I think you are the greatest thing that God could have ever created.

You learned to stop over-giving and watering others. And pour into you. I love the peace you have because you are more into your self-care. I love how you are so aware. I am thankful that you started implementing boundaries and you let them stay there. I thank you for allowing me in your space. I know i haven’t seen anything but your are giving me a taste. The endless love and gratitude that I have for you is unconditional and cannot be counted. I love that you over came the mountain that was you. I thank you for staying true even when you were lost. I’m so grateful that you realized that you are the boss. I can give you thanks and gratitude for ages but I might run out of pages. Because I am not worshipping just you but the Holy Spirit of God within. I am thankful to know that in you I will always have a friend and you got me where I lack.
DeAndrea, I honestly just want you to know that I am grateful for you and I love you to the next universe and back! You finally love yourself and stop waiting for people to water you back and get their approval. It’s the best thing you could have done. Taking care of you. So no matter what always stay true because your kids are becoming better people because of you.

I love you,

Well Brave One, if only you were born a son. Then you would have earned your father’s love. You came kicking and screaming into this world on Winter Solstice day, never knowing how hard your life would be. You caught your uncle’s eye and your peaceful childish dreams became a place of anguish. I want you to know you are brave. You told someone you trusted with those awful things. I want you to know you’re strong even when you think you’re weak. I know some days you seem like you can’t go on, and you want to silence the pain, but do not give up. You will pull through. Yes, Brave One, you were born to atrocities, but victories belong to you, too.

Dear, Lindsey,

I’m writing you to thank you for being you. I understand that many hard situations in life have taken a toll on you mentally, physically, and emotionally, but your resilience to persevere through it all is remarkable. Thank you for your genuineness and authenticity, no matter who is bothered by it. Thank you for continuing the self-improvement work that helps you show up everywhere with kindness and compassion. Thank you for looking for that little girl inside of you. I know at one point you felt as if you couldn’t find her. Then all of a sudden when you least expected it, there she was looking back at you in the mirror. Thank you for remembering that young woman inside who had the whole world to conquer, and all the time in the world to do it. Thank you for sharing the love of Christ with others, although sometimes you’re not quite sure if you’re doing it right. Thank you for caring so deeply toward others but also remembering you matter just as much. Self-care and self-love have kept you moving towards your dreams and the things that call for your gifts and talents. Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for believing in me again. Thank you for gaining back the faith in me that you lost from all the heartache and pain in your life. Thank you for not giving up on me even though I know you sometimes came close. Thank you for deciding you wouldn’t let the dark things that have happened to you make you bitter, but instead, you choose to love. I’m grateful for you. I know that one day you will understand that you are the inspiration you need to move forward. Keep dreaming. Keep believing BIGGER. Keep showing up for yourself just as much as others. Remember hope is powerful, and faith is life.

Love,
Me