An Arduous Climb to Heavyn
by nirve carmell

To The Unsealed Community:

so
a poem about the time
i posed
on top of my world
with a giant chicken:
community
a joint within
a brick within a brick
granting sanctuary
to the uninspired
the poet
molded into the earth
of their bed.

this year i embarrassed myself a lot. i took on a job as an apprentice art installer and mason at a museum. there i dealt with folx who reminded me of all my insecurities, because they looked and acted like the people who perpetuated them originally. sifting thru my heart, i realized the ways i was stoking these flames and made it my commitment to let go.
this is the longest i’ve held a job since i broke down from mental and physical illness two years ago. i’ve been in a nasty feedback loop with depression and type 1 diabetes for a decade now. i navigated the choice of transcending perceived danger and feeling the effort of that arduous climb to heavyn

by inviting in community

brick by brick.

i had many days where i wanted to give up and didn’t
and many days where i could give in
to the ebbs and flows
of recovery
and only by the grace
of my team
of knowing i could
fail over and over again
and still come home
did i enchant myself
into tru belief.

so
the chicken.

towards the end of my program’s run, we went to the National Gallery of Art in D.C.
on the roof
in the sun
i posed
exposed before the universe
and my crew
with no defense
but my two fingers
angled into
projected peace.

but better still
was it to stand
in the back
with my eyes closed
knowing exactly who
was around me.

as the year grows old
i give thanks
for the memories
that i had an active role in creating
that i may be lucky enough
to feel again
as they flicker
thru my mind’s eye
on my way out.

From: nirve carmell