Dear Little Me,

I don’t remember exactly what age we were when we realized there were men better than our father. I wish I could recall it now, but maybe you know.
I’d always known it, maybe, or I like to say I did. You would tell me that too, that you’d always known it. But false maturity got the best of us and we found love in men just like him. We still do. We still try not to.
You remember, of course, when we wrote those letters to him, our future husband, with expectations, or more so standards, of who he would be. He was nothing like our father, and we were treated better than our mother. We fell short of that. But we felt it, didn’t you? I always knew you’d leave.
When our mother left him, and we were twelve years old, you didn’t understand the strength it’d take out of a woman just as sentimental as us to do so. We were excited about the change, the new house, we were excited to be in a place he wasn’t. A place without a constant fear that we were doing something wrong.
And you’ll hate me when I tell you this, we put ourselves right back in that place at twenty-two, tip-toeing around a man for the sake of love for two more years that we didn’t even have in us.
The realization crept in throughout the summer, brewing from the previous spring where we’d grown to hate him—the boy we’d called love for the past two years. The realization was rooted in the strength of our mother, and her hope for us. It bloomed from the love our best friend’s (you know, the one from hat day in fourth grade) husband showed her—showed us, even. We saw a reality that you’d never believe was real at the age of eight years old, where normalcy was set in an angry man in the home.
You’ll read at eighteen,
“if you’re raised with an angry man in your house,
 there will always be an angry man in your house.
 you will find him even when he is not there.
 and if one day you find that there is
 no angry man in your house—
well, you will go find one and invite him in!”
And at twenty-two you’ll believe it.
But now we know, at twenty-four, that it doesn’t have to be. We can take that angry man, and tell him goodbye. We can still have love for him, but know it is not our burden to hold. We can feel that anger in ourselves at times, but make peace with it in the end.
We realize again, at twenty-four, that there are men better than our father. I’m sorry it takes us so long to leave.

Love always,
A Stronger You.

A little girl so sad and blue.
Back then, you didn’t know what to do.
Your secret sat sunken in your core.
It festered like a swollen sore.
No wonder you failed to sail the skies, to soar.

Oh, woe is the existence of the depressed.
Always failing to be impressed
By life’s joys and wonders.
Forever taken by falls and blunders.
Will light ever break through the stormy thunders?

That little girl so sad, it’s true.
She had a grim grief no one knew.
Tears flowed inside her tired soul,
And death became her only goal.
The girl grew old as living took its toll.

Farewell sad self from long ago,
Back when you had nowhere to go.
You squandered your soul
And knelt inside a lonely dark hole.
Did you think you’d ever see us whole?

Now you sail the sordid seas.
Brave and bold you bring monsters to their knees.
Stronger now and in love with life.
You don’t back away from strife.
Who knows just where you’ll be
In the years we’re yet to see.

I have always struggled with expressing my emotions
I would typically just bottle it up and explode on someone eventually
The path of self destruction was a path i knew all to well
As a adolescent the first lesson i was taught was men do not cry
So i would bottle up my feelings inside until the invisible ceiling would shatter the glass of bottled up emotions i kept inside
Perhaps it was my ego and pride that would not step aside
Truly over a decade in and out of therapy and 6 years of going consistently has really gave me a second to see
The perspective i had was all a lie
Men live a life that we are programmed to lie and say we are fine and move on while negative feelings linger inside
Why you think we smoke ,drink and link up with women or men
We need that quick fix of an escape to create distance between the victims and the blame
Guilt and shame while we try to hide the pain
It is anybodies guess well its a guessing game like charades
I began to journal in 2020 , in 2023 i start writing poetry and not only that but performing in public stages
In front of dozen and hundreds of people at a time
Now i’ve performed at dozens of open mics and it changed my life
No longer hiding behind the stone wall i build leaving the old me left behind
Having a open mind ,saying whats on my mind and i have such a great feeling inside
Holding myself accountable ,facing my fears and having the support of friends and family all made a difference
Never know who can you inspire with you your self , you may even inspire yourself

Little one,

You’re going to make a crazy life changing decision .It’s going to be scary for a while .
There will be times you want to give up, but you’ll never regret it.
Mom and Dad they did their best.
You’ll be upset for a while but you’ll come to understand that they had their own life experiences and only could do what they knew how to do.
When you leave home just know it all works out.
Even as a kid you navigated the world and all its hardships with strength and determination.
Easily you could have made some bad decisions.
But it wasn’t in your character to take the easy way. You’ll have to work very hard for a very long time.
Even as a grownup things will be hard but you’ll understand more and you’ll get a sense of who you are and your place in this wild world.
You’re not going to be alone. You’ll have life long friendships with people who stand with you when you can’t stand on your own. They will love you when you can’t do it for yourself.
Home is a place you finally come to in your 30s.
It took 19 years but you get that warmth and safety you looked for , for so long. It took a while many homes that didnt feel like home,but you’ll understand why you had to take this path to get to where you finally belong .
You’ll find solace in music and in nature and with your made up family.
You’ll reach out to mom and dad over the years and you’ll learn forgiveness you’ll ask them to tell you their story.
They loved you the whole time. You were loved the whole time , but you did what you had to do and you become a beautiful person because of it.
No matter what life throws at you, you are resilient. No one can take away your love for life no matter what happens. All the love you gave comes back to you.
You’re an oracle of light
You’ll get it right.

Dear little Amberlee,

I wish I could reach across time and hold you tight, just to let you know that someone truly sees the weight you’re carrying. I know how hard it is to wake up every day in a world that feels cold and cruel, where those who should have loved you unconditionally instead inflicted wounds on your heart. The anger and harshness from your stepmother, the unpredictable moments with your father and mother—all the times you were left feeling small, unseen, and unloved—none of it was your fault. I need you to know that.

When you entered the foster care system, the uncertainty was overwhelming. The feeling of not truly belonging anywhere or being safe left scars that would take years to heal. But even in those moments when you were at your loneliest, when the world seemed too dark to bear, there was a strength inside of you that refused to be extinguished. Even then, you carried a seed of hope and love, a dream that one day, if you ever had children, you would be the mother you never had—a mother who loves without conditions, who protects without hesitation, and who always makes her children feel safe.

And you did it. You became that mother. Through all the hardship, through all the pain that could have hardened you, you chose to turn it into kindness instead. You chose to break the cycle, to be gentle, to listen, to care. You made sure your children knew, every single day, that they are loved exactly as they are, in ways you never were.

It hasn’t been easy, I know. You’ve had to relearn what it means to love and be loved, to teach yourself to be gentle in a world that once taught you to expect roughness. There were moments when the old pain came roaring back, trying to make you doubt yourself, make you believe that history would repeat itself. But you held firm. You reminded yourself of the little girl you once were, and every choice you made was an act of healing, for her and for the life you were building.

You broke a chain that so many thought was unbreakable. Today, your children know love that is soft and patient, a love that lifts them up, instead of tearing them down. They are growing up in a world of warmth, trust, and kindness because you chose to be the mother you needed. You’ve transformed the pain of your past into the gentleness and compassion of your present, and that’s no small miracle.

So hold your head high, Amberlee. You’ve done more than survive; you’ve created a life filled with the love and security you never had. You’re not only changing your own story but shaping a new one for the generations to come. And that’s something to be deeply proud of.

With all the love and compassion you deserved,

Amberlee