Little Ariana, here’s a letter long overdue,
To tell you of all the wonderful things I really adore about you.

You are special, you are loved,
created by God up above.

You’re brave and kind, creative and smart,
you make people smile with your talents and art!

A humorous and whimsical, eccentric little girl,
When faced with fun new challenges, you’ll always give it a whirl!

To haters and bullies who act out of spite,
you always counter them with kindness, and keep shining your bright light!

From Summer to Fall and Winter to Spring,
you always find the beauty in everything.

You always cherish special moments, you don’t let them pass you by,
family outings, hanging with friends, or with Grandma baking pies.

You are strong and resolute, oriented in routine,
though people grow and interests change, a part of life as you have seen.

An articulate and detailed artist, you always take your time,
From drawing pics to writing stories, or coming up with rhymes!

For the pace you finish your tasks doesn’t matter, go at your own comfortable pace,
For as Aesop wisely said, slow and steady wins the race.

You don’t let your setbacks hold you down, though at times life’s left you scarred,
you put up your blinders, and focus on your goal, no matter if it’s hard.

You can be hard upon yourself, though in itself that’s not a fault,
Just remember to achieve greatness, you mustn’t put your life at a halt.

Through your pain you keep on marching, with all your strength and might,
You’re strong and resilient, steadfast and brave, your future sure is bright!

Nobody’s perfect, and neither are you,
but to yourself you always stay true.

Best of all…
You never change who you are to fit in with the crowd,
you’re awesome just the way you are, no need to hide, be PROUD!

Born October 3, 1997. A tenacious little girl, full of life, came upon this earth. The world was a big place, yet her heart and aspirations were even bigger. I admire the way she perceived life. The world was her oyster, she loved exploring it. I remember the way she was brave when exploring new territories. The unknown was exciting to her, fear was nowhere in her dictionary. This little girl loved climbing trees and eating the sweet, red cherries growing from the tree. Best believe she always found a way to climb the tree, even if there were challenges in the way. Her passion for adventure and novelty always overcame any challenge.
Little me, how I adore the way you connected with nature. You were always outside, barefoot in the grass somewhere. Playing in the dirt was your expertise. I love the way nature was your best friend. Being up in the trees talking with the birds, or climbing onto the roof of your apartment and taking a moment of silence while you gazed up at the blue sky. Every time you looked at the sky, you dreamed big. I remember you had all these aspirations from being a marine biologist to wanting to be a teacher, to wanting to be an actor. You had such confidence that you could do and be anything you wanted in this world. There were endless possibilities in her world. That was until the real world began to tear her apart. Little me, I want to apologize for allowing the world to dim that fire within you.
Little me, little me, I admire the way you have all this magic inside you. Your imagination is endless and your creativity is my favorite thing about you. I remember the first time you began painting. Painting became an escape for you, where you could be in your world where the sun was shining bright, the magic sparkled all over, and where you felt unstoppable. The way that painting makes you feel peaceful like nothing else matters. You’re the best masterpiece I’ve ever seen. The way you are so gentle to animals, the way you hug trees, the way you smile at the sight of a butterfly, the way you love life. Your heart is overfilled with love. You are such a sweet little girl. Your angelic eyes have the universe in them. Little me little me, you inspire me every day to live a life full of joy and happiness.
I look to you to guide me through life. Remembering that you are still me. And I promise you, I will always take care of you and ensure you are happy. I love you, little me.

When She Loves Me

By. Gabrielle Brandi

She liked the simpler things in life.

Like what was on the tv or whatever toys she liked.

She loved adventures under the pale blue sky, she loved the way the trees would greet her as she would pass by. She loved the way the swings freely let her feel the cool air. She loved the way the wind whispered through her hair.

She never let anyone stand in her way. Even on the rainiest days.

When the sun wouldn’t shine, she would keep herself warm.

On the days it would rain she would shelter herself from the storm.

She dealt with things a child should never have to bear.

Yet, she carried on humbly, with all her happiness she shared.

There were the things that she didn’t quite love.

She felt trapped within me as I grew up.

There are days where she shines her light.

To let me know she’s still here and full of life

She loves making music on my beat-up guitar

She loves expressing herself through art.

She loves our old shows and our old songs we used to listen to in mom’s car.

What I love about her most is that she loves deeply within her heart.

But most importantly, you could see.

Nothing else matters when she loves me.

Listen
I remember a beast with a foul tongue.
Everyday an endless torment.
Scorching with hateful words.
Digging deeper still.
Till at last I find you hidden.
We are one and the same.
I am here to remind you.
That you are loved beyond measure.
It wasn’t your fault.
You have always been innocent.
Just looking for acceptance.
That I adore, your singing little songs.
How curious you were about nature.
I loved most was how gentle you were.
Quick witted, bright, tried with all your might.
How your smile would beam.
That you were shy with strangers like a closed bud.
Unless you knew them well.
The bud when turns into an open flower.
Your an amazing survivor.
Have turned tragedy into victory.
By simply being uniquely you.
My! How stunning you shine.
I saved all your tears in a bottle.
To place it in God’s palm.
Never doubt His love, luv.
Just remember to keep an open heart and listen.

To that sweet little girl,
With that horrible haircut,
Infested with lice,
Whose parents were always late,
I love you.

I love how you have such a big heart,
I love how you always wanted to make friends,
I love how even when the world abandoned you,
You were still full of love.

You smiled and played,
Even with nightmares waiting at home,
You are so resilient,
Even when all of your parents’ scary friends wanted to touch you.

I love you.

You never let the world break you,
You got strong,
You got smart.

I love you.

You would be proud of the woman you have become,
She wants to protect little girls like you,
All because I love you.

To my inner child:

I want to take the time to give you your flowers.

Throughout this journey of adulthood, I’ve been able to rely on you no matter the day, time or hour.

I love the way that you’re able to see the beauty in everything.

The way you can go through hell and still pinpoint every lesson and blessing the walk may bring.

Your heart will hurt and you’ll still smile trusting the pain will only prevail for a short while.

Your eyes will swell with tears in the face of your biggest fears yet you never turn and run away.

You get up each morning ready to do your very best despite the bumps and bruises of the fight from the previous day.

I may be the adult but it’s you that I look up to.

It’s the will to keep loving and living, no matter how hard, that I love most about you.

I know how badly you want to disappear. I know you’re overwhelmed in a world so big and you just want to make yourself so small that you’re overlooked; to be tucked away, hidden from all of the trouble, the pain, the noise. You were never meant to be in a place this big. You were not meant to inhabit space like this.
When you were young, you’d tighten yourself into a compact version of yourself, tucked into something even smaller, like your toy box, or the closet, or in an empty bathtub. Hoping that if someone went searching, they’d never be able to find you.
You never wanted to die. Not like that, anyway. You just wanted to escape it all. You wanted to be kept warm and safe from the shouting and the screaming. You feel safest when you’re the smallest version of yourself that you can be. The word “claustrophobic” isn’t in your long list of fears.
Being so small that you’re overlooked. That’s always been the goal. No one sees you or expects anything from you. You’ve always tried to keep to yourself. Not let anyone be able to hurt you. Never sharing your needs with anyone, because then they’d realize that you’re a real person, who takes up space, who makes noise. They’d be less willing to deal with you if you decide to have a voice. If you don’t just sit back quietly and fit into whatever they’re doing, they won’t want to be near you. Spend time with you.
Why do you have a desire to not be a human being? Why do you want to be so small, so overlooked, so quiet? Are you afraid of disappointing people? Or are you afraid of another fight? You’d close your door, hide under your bed. And you’d cry and cry and cry. But you’d never make a sound.
You’re not that little girl anymore. You don’t have to be afraid of getting in the crosshairs. You don’t have to be afraid of living your life. You’re allowed to make some noise, you’re allowed to take up space. You don’t have to pretend you don’t want or need anything to keep people satisfied. You deserve to ask for what you need. You deserve to take up room. You deserve to be loud. You deserve to be happy.
So, to the girl who wished to be smaller, it’s time for you to spread out. It’s time for you to scream. And it’s time for you to accept and welcome the happiness you deserve. You’ve hidden for long enough. Now it’s time to be big.

Dear Sierra
The other night I had a dream
I think it was about you.
I had a dream where to escape my narrative
I had to take my life.
I was reincarnated back as myself
I had the same eyes
The same bump on my nose
I tried to start my life anew
But I couldn’t bear the void you’d left
So I called the morgue and I begged them not to perform the autopsy
I felt scared at the thought of them tearing you open
So I broke in to see you myself
They left you on a gurney
Exposed in the middle of a barren room
And there I stood
Looking down at my own rotting face
Eyes sunken in
And cheeks flushed green
I held our hands
and I wept.
Sierra,
I want you to know
That I’m so glad to have been you
And that I’m so sorry I tried to abandon you
And even though I’ve
Changed my name
Changed my hair
Changed my look
And changed my notions
I could never change you.
And even though I’ve tried
To shove you down
Into a box
To smother and abandon
And throw to the deep subconscious
I could never truly abandon you.
I carry you within me everyday
When I feel the longing to paint
When I look at our old sketchbooks
When I write poems
When I read all your story concepts
When I listen to our favorite songs
And I feel the same passion you always felt.
You are my creative spark
You are the little girl who wasn’t afraid
To run with the wolves
You are my heart
The foundation of what I am
When I smile it is with your teeth
Pumping through my heart and coursing through my veins
It is your blood
And all that I love in myself
Is from all that I love in you
My baby girl
I promise you we are going to do great things one day
I’m sorry I tried to kill you.
Love,
Lucy

To a girl who can’t tie her shoes,
You’re all knowing.
The answers wrap beneath your forehead how bunny ears slip under, and through, and around one another-
With a quiet intuition.
You’re right
Unabashedly.
I love that about you.
You don’t care to learn how to tie your shoes like an adult, because your feet are a size 1
And they tread the blacktop faster than all the boys in your class.

To a girl unversed in which cheek muscles to flex
Your misshapen, rectangle smile sculpts words that are exactly right.
There aren’t enough of them yet to confuse one for another.
They’re all true.
Later they’ll hide under your tongue, and dance between taste buds, and rehearse in the reflection of your saliva before you set them free.
But now you scream
And you mean every howl.
And when you’ve graduated from school, you’ll look to the sky for the answers that are so effortless to you now atop the alphabet rug.
You know the man in the moon swallows howls for a rainy day. And he’ll cry them back upon you when you’ve lost them.
You know
Because you were born a wolf.

To a girl who doesn’t know to cross her legs
You take up space because you understand the air is eager to share herself with you.
Why wouldn’t she be?
You rest in her now how you’ll rest in yourself later in a wider forehead-
With a quiet intuition.
You’re harder to spot in an older brain’s clutter, but impossible to lose.
You’ve made sure of that.

To a girl that’s never heard French
You plié because your knees know how to support wild joy
And you jeté because sometimes expression lives above you.
You move with conviction because your body knows everything you’ve yet to learn.
Your growing bones are so smart.

To a girl who’s never seen girls that love girls
You reserve space in your heart for when you’re ready.
You’re infatuated by the long skirts you hate to wear, and the company of the bodies they drape across.
You find nature beautiful because it rejects uniformity
Nobody has explained nature to you yet.
You aren’t looking for answers, you live in them.
Your stuffed animals get married in your bedroom and you play husband because you know all of yourself.
You like the attention of boys you beat in foot races because you know all of yourself.
You think elementary school crushes are stupid, and you rip up love letters, and you hide from boys on Valentines Day, because why would you dull the symphony of your heartbeat for anyone who wouldn’t harmonize?
You know everything you’ll have to relearn later.
I’m sorry for making you relearn.
You’ll love like I love you-
With a loud intuition.

You’re as wise as you’ll ever be. Let what you know bloom in newness and wilt in scars, and water the seeds of absoluteness that reside behind your forehead when they ask you to. Keep listening to them. It’s my favorite thing about you.

hello little one
my little boy blue
exhausted from trying
trying to fit-in
trying to be boyish
trying to be the peacekeeper

hello little one
my little boy blue
exposed to violence
exposed to instability
exposed to abuse

hello little one
my little boy blue
a survivor of adversity
a bouncer back
a fighter

hello little one
my little boy blue
you made
i made it
we made it

hello little one
my little boy blue
we found the strength
we found peace
we found the ability to forgive

hello little one
my little boy blue
rest
dream
the bogeyman is gone

Dear Ciara, 
I know it can be hard to understand why your life felt so different from the other kids around you. I just need you to know I am so proud of the way you handled yourself amid situations that no child should have to endure, let alone comprehend and take charge of. The trauma that you carry from a childhood woven by threads of addiction, temporary safety, fleeting moments of security, trust issues, and abandonment is nothing short of the heaviest things a person could carry on their back. Yet, you have carried all of it with grace. I, future you, am still healing these wounds and learning how deeply they have impacted every aspect of our life. You have set such a good example for me with the way you showed up and stuck up for yourself. Not just when in defense of yourself, but also with how you chose peace, consideration, and faith over anger, violence, and frustration. Even though your negative feelings were valid in all of the situations you were forced to deal with, the fact that you made the conscious effort to consistently stay optimistic has served me well with the mindset I’ve been able to cultivate in the current years. You raised yourself with little guidance or intervention from the adults in your life, which is something no child should have to learn how to do and you had no other choice but to do it. Yet, you did such a good job. You are not only allowed but also deserve to be proud of who you have become and are still in the process of becoming. Despite having nobody to turn to for so long, the struggles you faced and circumstances you had no control over, have never stood in your way of blossoming into a beautiful and kind-hearted person. The way you also never blamed a single person for the things you dealt with, not even those who probably deserved to be blamed, is admirable. I know it’s not the most light-hearted trait to celebrate but your resilience is what I love the most about you. Resilience is built up over time for most people but you have already proven to be stronger and more capable than many will ever have to be. For this, I am forever grateful to you.

Wide- eyed child.
Who are you now?
Jagged and smooth child,
Your arms twist and you twirl in the bright sunlight beaming through the window.
Your bulging eyes are put to rest
Shut them as you spin and jump and jive to a sweet melody from your father’s collection.
Pensive child!
Long nights spent in thoughtful stupor
Frantic scribblings of worry and love within the spiraled notebook
Machinations of your mind’s eye
In the form of jejune prose and self portraits.
Oh, you sweet child
Declarations of gratitude dedicated to all the love you’ve ever known-
Here is my origin! These are my makers. They love me and I adore them.
This is written on the countless of your attempts to recreate their image.
Your eyes swell up with love, you cry near every night into your pillow.
“Do they know how much they mean to me? My mother’s gracious eyes and my father’s crooked teeth peeking from his teasing smile?”
Yes, adored child, they know.
Wily child
Your existence is soaked in verve.
From your discombobulated image-
Milky, a crow’s coat sprouting from your excitable head
A pair of eyes that overwhelm their subjects
Fae footprints that dance over your nose and across both cheeks
You’re dressed in every color you have ever seen
Your small hands create testimonies of love, they write stories
Flowing from your bitten fingertips, your perception is exposed.
No one has ever been spared from your yearning to understand them
And your willingness to love them
Your readiness to show it
I have always loved you,
Vivacious and intriguing child
You follow me everywhere.
“Who am I now?”
You are the passion within me, you are love and you are naivety.
You are the giver of my admirations, you are the perceptive and the gracious.
The fire and awe within my soul, the desire to create, the willingness to love without regard.
The merciful and the impatient,
The petulant and the wondrous.
You keep me grounded
In a world that cannot ever be mine
But you and I will always be each other’s.
Oh, me, myself, my child
What I wouldn’t give to be held by your wide and merciful eyes.

You are so sweet,
So kind
So loving
You are so precious.
So beautiful
And so stunning.
Yet it is your soul that radiates
It is your vibrancy that gleams
From the inside
You are precious, a dainty little thing
Soft as a flower, gentle as a duckling.
You are so sweet, so kind, and so tender
This world tries to smother you down with it,
You keep me afloat during it all.
You remind me that peace, goodness, and love are qualities that should not be forgotten.
That even through the most trying of times, love should outweigh the pain.
Your forgiveness is awe-inspiring. You truly are too good to be true. You extend a hand to anyone in need and offer your strong back to carry the weight of others. You let your light guide your way, and it is captivating.
You are radiant.
A true gem
Light on earth.
Thank you for dancing through fields of dandelions and laughing every chance you get. Thank you for taking care of others and reminding everyone that kindness goes a long way. You are an inspiration to us all.
You are brave, bold, tenacious, and sometimes too hard on yourself.
You should allow others to see just how beautiful you can be.

I love you, endlessly.

Hello! Good Morning! Welcome awake!
She says to the world as she takes her place
She grins and smiles up at the sun
The journey begins, it’s 9:01
It’s a new day and the search begins
She’s looking for something she’ll find within
She looks under the tree where the faeries go,
Then by the lavender flowers that make her potions glow
Papas truck bed will make her fly
she’ll look all through the stars as she soars through the sky.
She’ll find it in the fort she and her sister made
Or maybe on her mother’s chest, where her head is laid.
She has it when she dances, spins, in the rain
It comes when daddy kisses away her pain
With a heart so big and a mind so wide
Her happiness is never hard to find
An amazing little girl the world gets to know
Just remember to keep looking for it as you grow.

Dear Former Self,

You will have many bumps and obstacles as you continue through life, but just remember your resilience and determination has gotten you to where you are now are key things to getting through turmoil in the future.

You have had Epilepsy since you were 1.5 years old and instead of hiding it from others and being afraid of it, your approach was much different. You wanted to educate yourself about it, advocate for the Epilepsy community, and adapt your lifestyle due to side effects of medicine and Epilepsy. For example, through school, you created your own test and did in parts, with repeating of various parts, over multiple days. You did not let Epilepsy hold you back. You averaged a B no matter the subject, course difficulty, or what else was going on in your life.

Some things you did as a child, that some might not do if they have Epilepsy or another disability, are you at some point or another played almost every sport, you travelled on a bunch of mission trips to places like Wyoming and Honduras that were not right next door, and you did water rides and amusement rides.

Your Seizures had been dormant for almost 8 years and then re-emerged at the end of your first semester of your Senior year of College. Through your resilience and determination, you still graduated on time, kept your grades up, and you stayed an officer in 3 different clubs.

Then you decided to get brain surgery. After you had brain surgery, your neurologist told you that by looking at your brain, he was surprised that you had made it as far as you had and as successfully as you had. Your approach after brain surgery was, like the rest of your life, to not throw in the towel. You did a lot of volunteer work in your community and then went to two part-time jobs and then went to one full-time job in another state.

Things again seemed dormant. You went almost 8 years seizure free again, you lived on your own, you were driving, you were working full-time, and then things changed. You had seizures re-emerge and had some other things happen in your life. You did not give up though. You kept working full-time, volunteering for organizations at a local and national level, and figured out many methods of transportation.

You have always been determined not to let Epilepsy defeat you. Keep it up.

From,

Matthew Steele

Feral and ferociously free.
Feet calloused from barefoot treks.

Hair matted with strawberry knees.
Climbing any tree limbs within reach.

Paying no mind to outward beauty.
Dwelling only in excitement.

And when the rains come.
It’s welcomed.

Grinning ear to ear.
Stomping through the mud with glee.

No fear, no bitterness.
Just feral and ferociously free.

The little one in me.