Dear 10th- grade me,
Moving has got to be one of the biggest heartaches you’ve felt. During your middle school years and your first year of high school, you’ve felt alone and confused. You yearn to go back, and the constant thought of “what if we never moved” plagues your mind from the first minute you’re awake. In 7th grade, you struggled with a crush on a guy who barely acknowledged your existence. In 10th grade, those feelings consumed you like deep water. You felt as if you had been drowning in your feelings and the only way to stay afloat was to make a move.
Because you felt this way, you did the only thing you felt, you had to do. You confessed and shot your shot three times. Each time you were disappointed and the bitter taste of sheer foolishness burned in the back of your throat. You were confused, and your heart ached for someone who never bothered to reciprocate your feelings. You sought closure, and instead, you got nothing but silence. Cold and unwavering silence. You still reap the consequences and the fragile confidence you once had shattered like glass. You struggle to pick up the pieces, and you suffer silently. You give too much to people who don’t deserve it. Your fragile heart craves the comfort it’ll never find in him. You don’t cry over him, or even get angry, but he still lives in your mind rent-free. Every person you meet is a blessing or a lesson in disguise. A guy who made you doubt your self worth isn’t worth all this heartache.
Besides the boy drama, you also dealt with the intense feelings of not fitting in—that what-if haunts you like a ghost behind a closed door. Every day, you imagine a different life, one where you hadn’t moved. The school atmosphere was swirling with toxicity and fakeness. And soon it took its toll on you. You stopped caring about your social life and poured your attention into your grades. Being the most intelligent person in the class gave you the confidence that you lost—piece by broken piece. Instead of seeking validation from friends, the A+ you got made you feel worth something. To your parents and to others.
Learning to love yourself is the first step in overcoming insecurities and becoming more confident. Learning how to stop caring about what other people think about you is also crucial. But this isn’t something that will happen overnight. Discovering your own self-worth is a personal journey that everyone has to go through at some point in their life. No matter how put-together someone may seem, there is always a facade and cracks under the surface. Everyone at one point in their life has felt as if they weren’t enough. However, they learned to overcome their insecurities and grow, ultimately shining brighter for the better, and you can too!
High school is like a rollercoaster. It has many emotional ups and downs, many twists and turns, and it can be unpredictable at times. But it’s important to remember that high school only takes up 4 years in your life. They can seem long and grueling, but what matters most is that you focus on yourself. Anyone talking about you behind your back reflects more about them than it does about you. You don’t have to take responsibility for other people’s immaturity. If they want to talk badly about you, that is their choice. In life, you won’t be able to please everyone or even get them to like you, but the ones that do like you will show it by being there for you and supporting you through your highs and your lows.
You’ve already made it through the first 2 years of high school and are doing a fantastic job! You may feel further behind than others but always remember: God has a plan for you and his timing is always immaculate. The last two years may seem like a long period, but before you know it, you’ll be going to college—free to make your own decisions and make new friends. Everything happens in your life for a set reason and moving turned out to be a blessing in disguise. You made new friends and discovered your passion for writing. And eventually, you’ll meet someone who’ll love you for you. They won’t make you doubt yourself, and they will prove repeatedly why they chose you, through their actions, and their words. You’ll learn to love yourself and you’ll find someone that loves you for you. All it takes is time and patience. Keep going and keep trying. I believe in you.
Sincerely
Your older Self