We’ve all suffered some type of loss in our lives that affected us greatly in some way. For some, more than others. I have suffered a quite a few losses in my life that I still find myself healing from today.With this letter I’m choosing to do something a bit different, I will say into a few words on what lessons I have learned from each loss in my life.

My 1st cousin/ first experience of loss: Eventhough we were only 5 years old at the time, I remember so vividly how I tried to grasp the fact that I would never see you again. Asking my mother, “so, she’s sleeping forever? She’s not going to wake up anymore?” As I watched you lay there in a casket. My first friend and sister, the one who would always play with me, eat with me and sleep with me at grandma’s house. You taught me not only what loosing someone close would feel like, but also showed me how capable I was of having someone that I could have fun with and just be me, a kid. Perfect for the little girl that I was then, just free spirited and happy. Just like you. I thank you for loving me, thank you for being you and thank you for being a part of the first stepping stones in life.

My 1st little sister: I was 9 years old when you passed away. I didn’t understand why you were given to us only to be taken away only a year later. Even though you was different because you were sick, you were still a beautiful baby and you were a strong fighter. I will never forget how when you were on your way here, I was responsible for running down the street to let our grandmother know you were coming because she wasn’t answering the phone. My first task as your big sis. I also remember the day you passed, while on the way to the hospital, riding in the back seat holding you…. You looked up at me, you smiled one last time and took your last breath in my arms. That was your way of saying “I love you big sister, I’m okay, I’m just going back home.” Thank you little sister. You taught me responsibility. You taught me that caring for someone else is such a joy and a honor to take very seriously. Something that I keep with me now today while being a big sister to OUR little sister. I make sure she knows that she has two big sisters and that you are a part of us both, forever.

My best friend: I never got to say goodbye to you. I found out about your death a month later which hurts still til this day. We were almost about to graduate high school before you were taken away due to domestic violence. We met in 5th grade and always was so a like. Like sisters. You never judged me for my imperfections and I never judged you for yours. Even when I had to transfer schools because of moving on the other side of town, you were the only friend out of our group of friends that still kept in touch. Still called me, still came to my house, still let me stay at your house, it was like I never left. You didn’t let a little distance ruin our friendship like everyone else did and that stood out to me. So thank you. You taught me what a real friendship is. Someone you can be yourself with, no judgments and no limitations. You taught me there could be a such thing as a friend who loves you no matter what. Not being able to say goodbye would only mean that you are still with me. Someway, somehow.

My beautiful grandmother: The most unexpected loss I never thought I would experience. Getting that phone call about never going to see you again felt like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. Especially because we had just spoken the night before. Now that I think about it, it kind of felt like goodbye in a way. Only because I would always tell you that I loved you first over the phone. ALWAYS. You would either say, “me too”, or “alright grandma’s baby”, but never would say it first. I didn’t take it personal because I knew you loved me. Your actions always showed it, it was just you wasn’t always big on saying it over the phone. But that night you did. I remember looking at the phone after hearing you say, “Grandma loves you”. I told you I love you too and that I would visit you over the weekend when I didn’t have to work ( I was actually at work while talking to you that night). I’m glad I got the chance to say goodbye in a way. Since I love you was the last words we spoke. You taught me so much. How to be a wife ( just by watching you be the best, even though you didn’t get a chance to see me get married)You taught me how to love selflessly and it’s okay to put those whom you love before your own needs. Thank you my granny wanny for showing me how to be a pure kind hearted spirit no matter what life throws your way. I hope that I am continuing to make you proud.

Lastly…….My dear husband: Another unexpected loss. Losing you that day was unreal in every way. I wish we were both aware of your health issues so we could have done things differently. I will never forget watching the very moment your spirit/ soul left your body as you, just like my little sister, took your last breath in my arms. There are soooooooo many things that you taught me about myself, about love and about life that I will never forget. I grew to be such a wonderful, fearless woman because of you. You taught me something that no one has, and that’s what real unconditional love actually looks like. Love with no conditions. Loving when things are easy, and learning to love even harder when things are hard. Thank you husband for introducing me to the real me. So that I can love her just as much as you did if not more. You showed me how great I was. You showed me how capable I am of loving myself first so it could become easier to love others. I now see me as you did, and I see why you loved me the way that you did.

Each of you were in my life for a period, a moment but the lessons that each of you taught me will last a lifetime. I love you all and miss you all dearly. Until we meet again my love’s.