About me
When people think of someone strong, they picture someone who keeps going despite adversity.
However, the mark of true strength is knowing when to give up.
Picture me. I have bipolar disorder, among other mental health conditions. I am rarely stable. My default state is mild to moderate mania. My thoughts run a million miles a second and my train of thought often runs away from me or derails.
When I feel depressed, it often becomes so severe that I contemplate ending it all — erasing my entire existence. The thoughts get so overwhelming that I start planning how I will end my life. Sometimes, I will procure the supplies in preparation for killing myself.
When it gets to that point, I give up on living my current existence entirely. I know I will not stay safe if I stay on the outside.
So, I check into the psych hospital. I do not have to worry about ending my life there. The psych hospital is not a comfortable place to be, but it is safe.
Safety is what I need during these rough times when my mind is not a safe place to be.
Instead of being down for the count on the outside, perhaps for eternity, I’m standing strong inside the psych hospital. I am on the mend until I can stand on the outside, too.
I am strong because I gave up the fight to survive when survival would have been nearly impossible.
I must be exceedingly strong because I had to do this 18 times throughout my lifetime.
I invite you to stand strong with me.