Dear Blue,

I feel grateful that I am not in an attitude of gratitude all the time. Feeling gratitude for all of the horrific trauma that I have experienced does not make me stronger. Trauma actually makes me weaker.

By feeling my feelings exactly as they are, not how I wish I felt, I am making room for the discomfort and facilitating my healing from those traumatic memories.

Every day I choose to feel the challenging emotions, I get one day closer to gratitude that does not feel as if I am betraying my true feelings. One day at a time.

As I inch closer to a feeling of authentic gratitude, I release the deep breath that I did not realize consumed every molecule of my being.

I feel grateful for finally being able to breathe easily, even if for a moment, because I am one moment away from feeling gratitude for the ways I have coped over the years.

The dissociation kept me safe while I was experiencing the trauma. I feel grateful for this now-maladaptive coping skill because I am not plagued with so many gut-wrenching memories as I could have endured.

I miss the life I could have had if the trauma had not overtaken me against my will. I know I could have made a greater impact on the world.

I feel grateful that it is not too late for me to leave a footprint on the hearts of everyone I meet. I may feel weaker because of my trauma. That does not mean I have to be down for the count for the rest of my life.

While I may not feel grateful for a while, this break will allow me to process my emotions.

There are multiple paths to recovery, and none of them are straight. I choose the path that gives me many places to sit and rest.

There is no recovery without rest. I feel grateful that I can sit and rest without having to feel grateful all the time.