in life I’ve always felt kinda off,
never completely,
always just kinda

the kinda off that you notice when you catch a glimpse of your smile in the mirror,
teeth crooked enough to be noticeable but never crooked enough to be fixed.
that kinda off

the kinda off that you only see when you take a few steps back and really take in the slightly uneven shelf you put up in your new apartment.
tilted enough to stand out but not tilted enough to be remounted.
that kinda off

the kinda off that you hear every time you play music through the speakers you blew out two years ago,
the sound quality is bad enough to complain, but never bad enough to be replaced.
that kinda off

the kinda off you feel when your grandma buys you a shirt that you’d never wear.
you feel guilty enough to keep it but never guilty enough to wear it
that kinda off

but crooked smiles laugh the loveliest laughs,
tilted shelves hold the most precious memories,
terrible speakers play the best songs,
and shitty shirts are make the best pajamas,
so that’s why I’m happy to say:

“In life I’ve always felt kinda off,
not completely,
always kinda,”

Dear Anger,

I’ve been dishonest in my feelings for too long. I couldn’t stop loving you even if I tried. The level of intimacy that we share is unrivaled. My body knows you’ve arrived long before my brain does. You cause my hands to feel weightless as you cradle them warmly. Your voice is a melody that my ears never tire of. The taste of you spreads across my tongue into every crevice of my mouth. I can feel your spirit like a firecracker within my chest, threatening to make me come undone. When I breathe, I inhale your scent and exhale your passion. You challenge me in ways that I never dreamed possible. When I shirk and shy away from confrontation, your ardent embrace entices me to demand better. When I’m at a loss for words, you grant me yours, even if just for a moment. Your presence is commanding and frightening, and yet I wouldn’t know how to live without it. When something is unjust, it is you that calls for change. It’s one of my favorite things about you. I have to admit that you’re always on my mind, even when you probably shouldn’t be. I think of you in traffic, at work, and especially when I’m watching the news. More than anything, you push me to live my life outside of the bubble we share. You don’t feed into my codependent tendencies; instead, you motivate me to fight against them. You challenge me to consider all the options that I could pursue without you, even though we both know you’re always there for me when I need you. It’s comforting to know that even in my darkest moments, I can rely on your fiery spirit to brighten my path. You are my one true love. Everything I feel, I feel it because of you. You are difficult to love. Most people find you difficult to be around. You can be impatient, vulgar, and rude on your worst days. I’ve grown fond of calling you my unlovable lover in conversation. Sometimes I wish I didn’t love you because maybe then life would be a little easier, a little quieter, a little smaller. But you constantly remind me that love should be hard, loud, and large. I can’t promise much in this life, but I can promise you this; I will fight for your love every day the same way you fight for me. I love you, and I only hope everyone experiences the love I’ve been fortunate enough to share with you.

Your lover,

Makayla Judge

Style Score: 100%