Dear Sierra
The other night I had a dream
I think it was about you.
I had a dream where to escape my narrative
I had to take my life.
I was reincarnated back as myself
I had the same eyes
The same bump on my nose
I tried to start my life anew
But I couldn’t bear the void you’d left
So I called the morgue and I begged them not to perform the autopsy
I felt scared at the thought of them tearing you open
So I broke in to see you myself
They left you on a gurney
Exposed in the middle of a barren room
And there I stood
Looking down at my own rotting face
Eyes sunken in
And cheeks flushed green
I held our hands
and I wept.
Sierra,
I want you to know
That I’m so glad to have been you
And that I’m so sorry I tried to abandon you
And even though I’ve
Changed my name
Changed my hair
Changed my look
And changed my notions
I could never change you.
And even though I’ve tried
To shove you down
Into a box
To smother and abandon
And throw to the deep subconscious
I could never truly abandon you.
I carry you within me everyday
When I feel the longing to paint
When I look at our old sketchbooks
When I write poems
When I read all your story concepts
When I listen to our favorite songs
And I feel the same passion you always felt.
You are my creative spark
You are the little girl who wasn’t afraid
To run with the wolves
You are my heart
The foundation of what I am
When I smile it is with your teeth
Pumping through my heart and coursing through my veins
It is your blood
And all that I love in myself
Is from all that I love in you
My baby girl
I promise you we are going to do great things one day
I’m sorry I tried to kill you.
Love,
Lucy