It has been three months since I began daydreaming about my return to you. We had so many plans and goals to achieve this year. Sadly, everything shall be postponed as I cannot walk on solid ground; my two legs that once helped me drive to, swim in, and paddle among your beauty are not functioning as they once were. Screws and anchors now aggressively occupy spaces not meant for them. Muscles not in use become weakened shadows of their once-strong selves. Tendons take time to heal and reattach, and I must overcome this hardship before I can unite with you again.

The emotional cell I’m stuck in is more challenging than the physical ailments of recovering. My usual solace in this hectic life, my “me time,” my peace, my re-centering time, and my serene surroundings are currently not an option. You have been in my life since I was a little girl. You remain the same, yet you have helped form me into the woman I am today. I reminisce about our times together, listening to your symphony of soothing sounds and watching videos and photos of our journeys. You gave me coping methods to deal with my troubles and frustrations physically, mentally, and spiritually. You’ve helped me learn how to regulate my emotions. On tough days, I would hurry excitedly home to grab my paddleboard, strap it on the jeep, drive to the dock, and paddle it out. On good days, I head out to float in the happiness and peacefulness of the sun or moon glowing on my skin. My senses are always heightened with you. My hearing expanded beyond the next visible bend, and my sense of touch intensified with every splash against me, demonstrating the refreshing coolness of your fluid motion. The sensation of wind against me was always encouraging me to paddle harder and go further, to persevere in my challenges. When I am hurting, you heal me in the most incredibly soulful way.

I never entirely understood just how deeply I am connected to you until I was forced to be apart. The depth of my love and appreciation of you have become evident in the days of healing at home. A single memory of you helps calm these periodical stormy waters within. The magical guidance of your ripples, your revealing reflections, and the wild currents within you take me on majestic rides of clarity and give birth to many of my aspirations. Thank you for continuing to let your love flow through me.
Healing River, my absent love, we shall reunite in the coming months, and what a glorious embrace it will be.
Until I return, all my love,
K.