I know you don’t think so right now, but you’ll survive the next four years. You’ll do so much more than that.
I remember the last big trip to Walmart the weekend before my first semester and how surreal everything felt. As I wandered through endless aisles of school supplies and bedspreads, I wondered how I would ever live on my own. The thought of living so far from home tied my stomach in queasy knots.
I remember saying goodbye to my family by saying “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast,” because it was easier than saying “I’ll see you in three months.” After we all hugged, I trudged to the dorm and didn’t look back, even though it was all I wanted to do. My elevator ride to the seventh floor was the longest elevator ride ever.
I remember my first night in my dorm room, as I sat in the dark. Anxiety raked my mind so sharply I couldn’t even cry, even though I wanted to. It haunted me when I woke up for class, and followed me to every single subject. I could barely answer questions when I was called on to do so.
I especially remember that first Thursday as I walked to lunch. The past several days weighed on my heart like three years—three years of an anxious fight for survival. I was on the phone with my family, and I hung on to their every word like a lifeline. My legs could no longer support the weight of the world on my shoulders, so I found a bench and sat down.
My mom’s voice chirped on the other end of the line. “Are you gonna be okay?”
Amidst my own worries, I had never asked myself that question. Would I be okay? Could I do this? Or was it really too much for me? I took a deep breath and collected myself.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” For the first time, in a small corner of my soul, I believed it.
I remember hanging up the phone shortly after that, and slowly getting up from that bench to go to lunch. As I walked, I noticed how green the leaves were on the trees overhead and the lush grass. Anxiety loosened its grip on my mind with each step.
So much beauty, love, and laughter would have been lost if I had given up on college before it even started. I survived that afternoon before lunch, and I can promise you, I more than survived the next four years. In fact, I don’t know if I could have survived without them.

Your winters—the soulless, cobbled walkways, the contorted fingers of bare trees which reach toward heaven. I love your winters, and the leaves which bleed between the cracks in your sidewalks. The sky is cold, but in your heart I cherish every love I share, dear college town.
A slow windchill claws down my spine. The blanched sun offers no relief. Your barren landscape reminds me of my stagnation—the way I’ve always struggled to move on. How can I allow myself to change? Your wind pulls me back from my wandering. My friends are out walking nearby, and I can hear their shiny laughter. Dear college town, your cold hands guide me toward a warmer love. Change will come with the seasons, but for now, I will cling to this moment.
Your springs—the green and earthy scents of rebirth permeate the air. Pansies overthrow dead grass in triumph. I love your springs, and the way your cherry blossom tree renews her yearly vows. So many new things flourish around me, so why do I feel left behind? Graduation is coming closer, and the world seems much too big for me. I fit right in your palm, dear college town. Will I ever be enough? But the fullness of your bloom infuses me with hope. Maybe it’s not too late for me to grow.
When I find myself overwhelmed, I often wander down to your oceans. Blue-jeweled waves whisk from the gulf, lapping at my ankles. Maybe the future will unfold like soft sea foam. Your watery inhale and exhale are reminders that destiny might come naturally, like breathing. Each day might be livable, one at a time. Your salt air, dear college town, speaks such truths to me.
Your autumns—the slow death of every bright thing, reduced to savory ashes of cardamom and nutmeg. I love your autumns, and the way your sparrows pick dry sticks for their nests. The clouds grow burdened with their own grayness, but I think I finally feel free. Unknown days lay ahead. But, I learn from your ladybugs on tender leaves, which wait for tomorrow in quiet solidarity. Fresh fall means a new start, dear college town—for you and me.
Sunset slips across the roofs of your shops and cafes. College students, back from break, bustle between the stores downtown. Peering through doorways, I am greeted by smiling strangers. How strange is the understanding between souls! I smile back. Beauty is everywhere, everywhere at once. The sun will set, and every eye will soon shine in the dark like stars in an intricate constellation. Dear college town, your loveliness works wonders in me. Let me love you before I go.

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