I know you don’t think so right now, but you’ll survive the next four years. You’ll do so much more than that.
I remember the last big trip to Walmart the weekend before my first semester and how surreal everything felt. As I wandered through endless aisles of school supplies and bedspreads, I wondered how I would ever live on my own. The thought of living so far from home tied my stomach in queasy knots.
I remember saying goodbye to my family by saying “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast,” because it was easier than saying “I’ll see you in three months.” After we all hugged, I trudged to the dorm and didn’t look back, even though it was all I wanted to do. My elevator ride to the seventh floor was the longest elevator ride ever.
I remember my first night in my dorm room, as I sat in the dark. Anxiety raked my mind so sharply I couldn’t even cry, even though I wanted to. It haunted me when I woke up for class, and followed me to every single subject. I could barely answer questions when I was called on to do so.
I especially remember that first Thursday as I walked to lunch. The past several days weighed on my heart like three years—three years of an anxious fight for survival. I was on the phone with my family, and I hung on to their every word like a lifeline. My legs could no longer support the weight of the world on my shoulders, so I found a bench and sat down.
My mom’s voice chirped on the other end of the line. “Are you gonna be okay?”
Amidst my own worries, I had never asked myself that question. Would I be okay? Could I do this? Or was it really too much for me? I took a deep breath and collected myself.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” For the first time, in a small corner of my soul, I believed it.
I remember hanging up the phone shortly after that, and slowly getting up from that bench to go to lunch. As I walked, I noticed how green the leaves were on the trees overhead and the lush grass. Anxiety loosened its grip on my mind with each step.
So much beauty, love, and laughter would have been lost if I had given up on college before it even started. I survived that afternoon before lunch, and I can promise you, I more than survived the next four years. In fact, I don’t know if I could have survived without them.