Aunt M and Little Grandpa,

In the space of a week: August 2021 we lost you both. Granddad, 86, surrounded by the few loved ones which were Covid checked and in. The rest of us masked, shackled back, stifling the longing and love wanting to flood you back to life. And Aunt M, you, alone. Found on the floor by a random night-time shift nurse in a…

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Rise.
As I sit in my room and wail, ‘why me?’
Leaning out of my window, I curse people, quite pathetically.
Of course, COVID has bashed me– again- and thrown away the key.
Not today. Really? Why today? And then I rise, make some tea.

Into my bedroom I go; he still serves food at the door.
But in this invisible snare which holds me, I ponde…

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Dear Pearl,

I can’t express how inexorably saddened I am by having to let you go. I had to and I will never forgive myself for it. You must believe me when I say this, and, I won’t go into all of the reasons but the main one was that I was not ready to be a mother of a third baby, you.

My life so far almost feels like a film; transcending thr…

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