Dear “Yellow” by Coldplay,

You are more than just a song; you are a lifeline. There are no perfect words to fully capture how much you mean to me, but if you could feel even a fraction of the love and comfort you’ve given me, you’d understand how you saved me.

When my friend passed away, you became my anchor, my light in the darkness. Losing him was my first true experience with grief, and it shattered me in ways I never imagined. We were only in high school when the weight of his inner world became too much to bear, and he took his own life. When he left this world, it felt like a part of me did too. I didn’t know how to move forward, how to exist in a world where he no longer did.

Music has always been my outlet for difficult emotions, so I turned to you and you welcomed me with open arms. Your melody, lyrics, and rhythm instantly became the most beautiful and comforting presence in my life. Your heartfelt message resonated with every fiber of my being. Your lyrics perfectly voiced the love I wish I could’ve expressed: “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” To me, he was always the brightest light and for him, I would’ve done anything to take his pain away.

I yearned to feel connected to him again. It’s as if you read my mind because the more I listened to you, the closer I felt to him. You became a channel for our connection; it felt like I was singing your lyrics to him and he was there, listening in spirit.
Though he passed eight years ago, you’ve given me the gift of keeping his memory alive. You helped me realize that despite him no longer being physically here, that doesn’t mean I lost him forever. His presence lingers in between every guitar chord and drum beat; our connection is still deeply real and it’s all because of you.

I thought grief was only a dark, painful mix of emotions, but you’ve allowed me to see the light in it, a light I never thought I’d find. The beautiful thing is that you did this effortlessly, simply by existing. Even though you can’t take my pain away, you help me sit with it and that’s enough. You allow me to close my eyes, sway to your beat, and never judge me when all my emotions get the best of me. Whether I’m crying hysterically and can barely breathe, feeling bouts of guilt and helplessness, or just sitting in silence, numb—you always meet me with love and compassion.
You let me come and go freely, staying as long as I need to feel some relief, whether that means listening two, three or even ten times in a row. You’re always there for me, day or night, no matter what. You’re my shoulder to lean on and my reminder that I’m never alone, even when it feels that way.

You’re my number one song, forever. While most people may grow tired of hearing the same song over and over, I could never—not with you. You’ve earned the title of the most beautiful and meaningful song to ever exist. Everything about you touches my heart and soul.
You elicit a sense of peace that no other song could ever come close to. Each time I listen, you captivate me like it’s the first time. From the very first second, any stress instantly melts away and I discover more reasons to fall more in love with you.

Now, whenever I look up at the sky full of stars, I see how they shine for both me and him. The lyrics I once thought were only my message to him have also become his message to me; he views me in the same light. Whenever I listen to you, I feel our love flowing back and forth and I know he’s beside me, smiling and cheering me on. It gives me hope and strength to keep going—to live for him, to do all the things he wanted to but never got the chance to, to carry his spirit forward and let him live vicariously through me. And with you, it feels like we’re connected more than ever and it’s just us against the world.

So thank you, for capturing our love for each other and bringing us closer together again. You’re the invisible string between me on Earth and him in heaven.

Without you, grief would’ve broken me. But you’ve given me a space to honor my pain, meet my heart with compassion, embrace the highs and lows, and let grief shape me rather than shatter me—and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Love,

Jessica Freile