One Saturday afternoon I got this weird feeling in my gut
I felt this deafening silence and decided to look you up
Your obituary appeared before my eyes and informed me that you are now dead
But not the kind of dead where services I can go to mourn
No… the kind of dead where you’ve already been from 3 years before
Only hours after this discovery and seeing the grass on your grave has already grown
My perception of time was forever blown
Then seeing a picture of you from our wedding displayed on your tombstone
I felt like my brain broke a little like a clock losing a part
So much to process and didn’t know where to start
In addition to my already throbbing broken heart
How could this be
I just don’t understand
Not one person could tell me you no longer stand
Even after divorce we still remained friends
We argued alot but didn’t notice our friendship had an end
Now you lay here before me and my whole world has changed
I feel weak and unsteady
And nothing around me looks the same
I know it was me who insisted on that first drink
I had no idea what that would bring
I guess I didn’t think
I asked for God’s forgiveness and I feel forgiveness he has given
I meant no harm. Just wanted a fun moderate way of living
I didn’t know what was in store
where most days for you without a drink would be such a bore
I know in the end you asked for me back because the winnings mattered no more
But by then I belonged to someone else and your drinking to me just sounded like a chore
But I go back to Burritos in bed
You playing frank sinatra before I lay down my head
You hit those lucky numbers and your bank account grew
The ups and downs in store for us we didn’t have a clue
I couldn’t keep up with your excitement for life
I thought it was enough just being your wife
I was there before your big bang
I was there before your bell rang
I felt like you left me choking on your dust
I felt so depressed, fat and alone that change for me became a must
I look up a lot and talk to the sky
I’m learning how to listen and am getting answers to my why’s
Your death saved my life
In heaven I’ll always be your wife
When I hear frank sinatra and purple rain
Memories of you dance around in my brain
My darling husband in heaven it was a heck of a ride
Thanks for hitting my feet with your tide