I said I loved you
But did I really?
I guess somewhat
But not ideally
Picked you apart
Judged you real hard
From this earth
I wanted to depart
Shrunk you so much
Daily I’d contort
But one day
I really saw you
And as time passed
I was more in awe of you
Your skin
Your smile
Your stare
I even came to love
The curls of your hair
The outside was one thing
And before
Only for it I cared
But as I got to know the inside
It topped the outside,
Beyond compare
Your intelligence
Your wit
Your endurance
Your grit
Your creativity
And charm
One of the things I love the most
You take accountability for your harm
Come to find out
Your heart is actually warm
And as it turns out
I’d want no other host
Congrats for all the growth you make
To it all, I give a toast.

Dear Little Logan,
Unfortunately, I don’t always remember being you, but I know how often you thought of me. You were always curious about how you would look when you got older, but all you could imagine was being taller. Well, you were right about that! Aside from that, though, I know you spent a good amount of time wondering who I would be. Well, we should be proud. You should be. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for you. I love you for always looking out for us. You didn’t know it at the time– eight years ago– but you saved our life. Moving away from Mom was your very first step on your way to yourself. You didn’t even know it yet, but at age twelve, you were already taking control of your life and doing whatever you could to make us comfortable. That’s who you are, Logan– strong, wise, and caring. I’m proud of these traits; these are us. We didn’t learn this from Mom, Dad, friends, or anyone else. This is inside you, sewn into your soul– you care. I love this about you, but my favorite thing about you is that you are never too far from laughter. You went through hell, kid. But year after year, you laughed, you loved, you found joy wherever it could have been. You never seem to run out of love, and I adore that about you. I’ve never met anyone with quite so much love to give. That is an amazing thing. But remember Logan: save some for yourself. Love yourself like you love flowers and smiles and all your favorite songs. You and I both know the world needs love, but listen when I say that you do too.
You know what you went through, so be kind to yourself day by day. Credit yourself for your resilience. Never let go of your tenderness. I love you so achingly, Logan. I still carry your pain. I see you. I wish I could hold you now. So I do. I remember that you are at my center, that I have been constructed around you. There would be no me without you. I know how many people are telling you this, but hopefully, you’ll believe it if it comes from me: It will get better. It will get better when you move away from Mom. Then it’ll get better when you move away from Dad. It’ll get better when you move to Oregon. It’ll always get better because you steer us there. We know what is best for us.
Keep pushing through and keep finding love and sharing it. Never apologize for yourself. Remember I’ll always be with you. And remember that love will carry you through.

Hang in there,

Dear Abigail, 

Every day, I try to be more and more like you. 

I listen to your favorite song and sing in the shower like you used to. 
I pick out your favorite ice cream flavor and eat it on a random Tuesday simply because I can. 

I wear dresses you would love 
and twirl in the rain 
and I thank god for your existence. 

For everything that you are, 
That you’ve survived, 
That you’ll continue to survive. 

For every friendship you make, 
And for every friendship that ends. 

For the time you cut your hair shorter than any girl your age, 
And for the time you grew it past your waist. 

For your “tomboy” phase and all the basketball practices that Dad took you to. 
For your “girly girl” phase and all the flowers, Granny threw on stage at your ballet recital. 

For the boys you had a crush on, 
And the girls you loved in secret. 

For the times you looked in the mirror and cried softly into your pillow. 
But for the times you took a deep breath and put the swimsuit on anyways. 

For every trip, stumble, and fall, 
And your bravery that carried us through it all. 
The bravery that still carries us. 

For every time you’re told you’re “too much.” 
Or worse, 
“Not enough”. 

For every time you hear those words, and continue to twirl in the rain. 

I love you. I’ll keep trying to be as brave as you. Always. 

Love, 
Abby

You were weird
And quiet
And you might have been a beast

Your parents had prayed for an angel
When you arrived, spent and vacant
You opened your mouth
And no song rang out
Just a confused sort of yelp

You morphed into an eight-year-old human girl
Changed your clothes three times a day
Spun wheels of stories
Cried without sounds

Your mother said it was time to start showering
After coming indoor, greasy and breathless

Your father never looked at you the same
Once he caught your legs sprouting spikes of hair
He told his Wife to hand you the family razor

But you continued to smell like grass
Pretending the trees were friends
The dogs, your sisters

When you began middle school
You wrote love poems for your teachers
Tried out for basketball
They sent you to get tested for scoliosis
and the drool

But you howled the loudest in spring musical
Made fellow hairy friends
Who would later hunt you down

But snarled and unkempt
Starry-eyed and smelly

You kept
becoming

You are weird
And quiet
And you might be a beast.

I close my eyes and remember all the things I loved about this chocolate little girl
The way she fearlessly belted every note, snapping her fingers in the mirror as she’d twirl
The rhythm would flow through her like a river reminding her to remain steady in the stream
This was a time when she believed in herself so much, she envisioned living her wildest dreams
 
I loved how she approached life with a carefree giggly attitude
How she’d sang every melody with courage, power, and gratitude
She’d stand in the mirror using the remote as her microphone
She felt unstoppable hopping on the bed to use as her stage, completely in her zone
 
I loved how she’d create beauty so unashamed of her art
How she carried infinite joy and resilience in her heart
I remember when she made a song about marmalade
And it was high key catchy even though her little brother threw shade
 
I loved to ride the waves of her imagination as she’d create without guilt or shame
She had this tenacious audacity that reminded others her fire could never be contained
She’d clothe herself in ambition and determination to speak
Especially when her mom crafted her outfits so classy, elegant, and chic
 
As I heal and return to embracing all those things I loved about the younger you
I release every limiting belief that convinced you your dreams wouldn’t come true
Your ancestors are guiding, protecting, and propelling you forward, right on queue
Whispering, “Rise up queen, this reflection of love is your breakthrough!”
 

As I reflect on my life in my thirties,
It feels like I’ve lived an eternity.
From innocent and sweet childhood days,
To learning how to love and weep in different ways.
My soul has shattered like glass on the floor.
Yet I’ve learned to pick it up once more.
Dreams are not always what they seem,
And fairytales remain in books we read in our dreams.
Life as a child was genuine and freeing,
Only fully appreciated when grown-up and foreseeing.
In these thirty-two years, I’ve seen life’s highs and fears,
Moments when I’ve wanted to die, and moments I’ve held dear.
I’ve experienced the joy of life and the pain of loss,
Sometimes in the span of a single day’s toss.
Reflecting on my innocence and childlike faith,
I realize it’s not always easy to maintain that state.
But my resilience to live outweighs my desire to die,
No matter how often I felt ready to try.
If I could travel back in time and meet the child version of me,
I’d say, “Life will be tough, you’ll face challenges you cannot foresee. But in the end, you’ll prevail, despite the hurdles you’ll meet.”

I hear you call my name
The sound so sweet and delicate. Traces of vanilla and honey lace around every word you say. Despite what they have said you’re a wonderful kid.
You’re just afraid.
I won’t repeat the cold words they say but I’m sure you already know them.
Im sure you know your nose shape, the way it crinkles when you laugh at something dumb. I’m sure you know how loud you are but your silence is far louder.
I know you see the way you eat, im happy to watch you indulge happily.
I know you know the way they talk about you like you’re not even there.
Well i see you.
I know they didn’t like to hug you. My arms are open wide, always. They don’t even compliment you but I couldn’t stop staring at the rare beauty you hold. Im gladly the beholder. I know you’ve been hurt in ways you really can’t understand, I’m sorry I can’t undo the pain. But I’ll make sure no one ever hurts you again.
You’re a pure soul who continued on, despite these thoughts you don’t understand.
Despite your small mind having been shattered, you’re still innocent, loving, and I want to love you forever.
You bring a joy that can’t ever be replaced.
You take my hand and it’ll be okay because I won’t ever let go.

Dear Chardy Pooh,

Chardy Pooh you did not Know!
You were so brave, You did not even know how much!
You stood up for self-value. Even when you did not know you were.
You stood up for being different!
You did not know that.
You stood up for peer pressure.
You did not know that.
You stood up for love.
You did not know it.
You stood up for hope.
You did not know it.
You were a strong person who stood for people, rights, love and acceptance!
You did not even know it. You did not know, you had anything to love about yourself. You did not know you had anything to be proud of. That’s why you almost did not write this letter. You did not know, but now you know! You had something to love! Something to be proud of!
I love and am so proud of you Chardy Pooh!!!

Thank you,
Charmaine

Little Ariana, here’s a letter long overdue,
To tell you of all the wonderful things I really adore about you.

You are special, you are loved,
created by God up above.

You’re brave and kind, creative and smart,
you make people smile with your talents and art!

A humorous and whimsical, eccentric little girl,
When faced with fun new challenges, you’ll always give it a whirl!

To haters and bullies who act out of spite,
you always counter them with kindness, and keep shining your bright light!

From Summer to Fall and Winter to Spring,
you always find the beauty in everything.

You always cherish special moments, you don’t let them pass you by,
family outings, hanging with friends, or with Grandma baking pies.

You are strong and resolute, oriented in routine,
though people grow and interests change, a part of life as you have seen.

An articulate and detailed artist, you always take your time,
From drawing pics to writing stories, or coming up with rhymes!

For the pace you finish your tasks doesn’t matter, go at your own comfortable pace,
For as Aesop wisely said, slow and steady wins the race.

You don’t let your setbacks hold you down, though at times life’s left you scarred,
you put up your blinders, and focus on your goal, no matter if it’s hard.

You can be hard upon yourself, though in itself that’s not a fault,
Just remember to achieve greatness, you mustn’t put your life at a halt.

Through your pain you keep on marching, with all your strength and might,
You’re strong and resilient, steadfast and brave, your future sure is bright!

Nobody’s perfect, and neither are you,
but to yourself you always stay true.

Best of all…
You never change who you are to fit in with the crowd,
you’re awesome just the way you are, no need to hide, be PROUD!