You Are More Than Enough

To the me that felt unseen, unworthy, unappreciated, unloved, not good enough, forgotten and even unhappy. I want to say to you, you do matter. You mattered then and you matter now. If I can go back in time and hold your hand. Hold that adolescent and free soul in my hand. I wish I could heal you. The version of you that desperately wanted to be understood and perceived as good enough. The me that so desperately wanted to turn myself inside out so people could see that I was who I said I was. As if I had to prove myself to these people who bread crumbed me and who are these people? People who made me feel small. The very people who counted me out. These people I so desperately wanted to be seen by.
I wish I could have been there to teach you, you are enough. Matter of fact you are more than enough. You constantly wanted to know “Why? Why this treatment? Why look at me with disgust? I’ve done nothing wrong. Why?” If I could give you an answer as to why these people will never acknowledge you, well it’s because they don’t want to see you morph and change into something new. They don’t even want to change, so why would they want that for you? I remember the times you were bullied in school, I remember the times you had to fight for yourself. I even remember the times in which you had to hold back tears of hurtful words being hurled at you from your father.
I remember all the depressive nights we spent writing and reading our woes away. I remember what we lived through. I remember who we were. But understand we have come a long way. We have looked the devil in the eyes and won the battle. All the restless nights of our parents arguing. All the sleepless nights and nightmares that followed. All the late nights of hard labor trying to afford your way through college and through life in general. I know how gut wrenching that was. But just know our faith has kept us strong. If I could give the younger me reassurance I would say that God has over floweth our cup and we don’t ever have to feel that way again.
It was a lot on the human mind to cope with but I’m glad you made it out. We didn’t have the hottest or newest fashion or the latest game console, but what we did have was a sense of self, a personality, humor, ambition, perseverance, good company and knowing who we were. All these characteristics and catastrophic events made us who we are today. The scars that we carry are a testament to how much strife we had to go through. The many people that saw something in us and wanted to snuff out our light before we even knew what we carried within us, all the days wondering whether things will change and get better, all the unspoken words you held in your throat in order to keep the peace, the resilience you showed.
Is proof enough of how strong you really were. If I could go back and speak to that child I would say, “you did a great job at staying true to yourself because all of those events were the catalyst of change.” Those restless nights, those wet rainy days with rain pitter pattering on the window. We have uplifted many people and showed others they are worthy. We turned that pain into a rhythmic flow of abundance. A symphony in our mind, a plethora of ideas. I jotted them all down and used them to fuel my creativity. The mind of a depressed child made for a life filled with character development. Yes, unfortunate events occurred but looking back on our growth we have crafted the life that we wanted.
Our scars are now a story for the unhealed and healed. If you ever wanted to know, you are enough. If I could go back in time I wouldn’t change a thing…ok maybe I wouldn’t have warmed up that leftover pork steak before catching the school bus at 6:30 am buuut look on the bright side. We lived through many days of hard labor and unfair punishment but everything happens for a reason. I didn’t think I was worthy of enjoyment. As an adult I have learned to love myself, my scars, my flaws. They make me a perfectly imperfect person and that’s the beauty of me. As a religious woman, I know I am wonderfully made. So to the younger version of me, oh I would say we are more than enough.

-Sincerely, a worthy child