Dear Michelle You Can Come Out Of Hiding Now,

“Write from your heart, Just do it”, This is your fifth attempt writing to you, Michelle! As the words eloquently fumble from thought, to ink, to paper, it dawns on me. I am still struggling with versions of inadequacy and feeling enough within my spirit, so here I am reminding myself. I AM Enough.

Michelle, look around you, look down at your hands? What do you see? Do you see a cage? Do you feel the invisible shackles around your ankles or mind? Do you see the guy you choose to sacrifice your identity for, for over 5 years? No you don’t. Why, because you freed yourself over a year ago, you knew your worth and value. You knew you were enough. You knew your time was running out and you made it. He swore you wouldn’t make it to each birthday, and each birthday you did! This last birthday you didnt just make it, you freed yourself alone. You are brave, bold, you survived one of the worst cases of abuse and you made it.. Because the universe knew you were enough, your soul knew you were enough. That is who you are. It’s time to free yourself from the cage within your beautiful mind!

Michelle, do you remember what you said, in 2008 after your last stroke,the one that left you semi paralyzed? You made a promise to yourself to live a peaceful life and help people. You looked at your body and said “ It was meant to be, now I’m clean. You’ve walked through life, through fire with a sheathed sword, a golden heart, yet a broken smile and so much hope it gave people wings. Yet you never took into account that you needed your own wings to fly. You so often showcased resilience through adversity and hid behind such falsehoods. But now it is time to include you, because you deserve it. You deserve love, you deserve to live in abundance, you deserve to share your truths!

I understand as I am you, and I’ve been every version of you. Some days you ask yourself what’s the purpose? You spent your entire life going through trials to the point it is almost comical. Michelle , you’re a beast to the ones who know your story. I want you to know, not everyday is going to be easy but you will persevere and get through this. I know you desire love, soul connection, even a family that doesn’t dislike you for being you. But remember the price of having a strong character is an uneasy life. That is why you were created for this path. It’s your time now to come out of hiding and show the world how to love again!

Remember you are not your past, your past does not define you, however it has molded you into the loving warrior you are today. You have so much to give, you are a voice for the voiceless, you stand for the dis-abled. You are a warrior for injustice. You no longer have an existence, you have a mission to fulfill, a purpose. Understand you went through these things because you are a blueprint, a survival manual.

Your voice will echo within the ones who need the message the most. Use your words as your warpaint and never be silenced again. I signed you up for this challenge, because I believe in you and I do love you. Thank you for loving yourself enough to heal.

I loved the way her hair would frizz a little when she got out of the shower and it started to dry
I couldn’t help it.
The Water droplets still clung to the delicate strands.
A leftover remnant from the shower beating down her back.
Her chocolate eyelashes complimented her mocha skin.
As she ran the towel down her body the rough fibers glided along the deeply etched scars permanently grooved into her skin. The Marks of expansion. Survival. Of change.
She started getting them when she was little. The scent of Cocoa Butter had hung in the air as she’d willed them to fade. It didn’t work. It’s good that it didn’t. None of the potions or creams ever did as they said. Similar to men. She’s survived through it and her skin now bore the marks of a thousand silent songs. Words that only she and I now know. I’m so proud of her. As her thighs smush and stick together the product of meals with company and time well spent. She feels better now in her body. More at ease. Her hair drips down her back. Hair that isn’t relaxed, but natural and coily. She looks in the mirror and I smile back.

Even if one recognize… you deserve Too hear It..

To self

you try not to seek attention! Fanfare gratitude has never been what you’re about. You wear your smile with grace keeping your past secrets buried in the hidden depth Most days you’re a pillar of strength art calate through your Composure and just like anyone else, time to time, glorious disaster glorified for the sake of growth fakes root. Yet, you own who you are and for the person you’ve invested so much into, you mathe, no apologies for that becoming! Most will never climb. the mountians you’ve Conquered or brave the fires you’re walked through, That distance you seek to go distinguishes you From all athers And that undying will to over com forged For you an, unstoppable spirt. So not one dead end, heart ache, or Failured endured would ever be comtem-plated nor considered for trade For anything. You’re stronger for them and there are days when you need every ounce of Fortitude When the storm come raging into your life threating to bring you to your knees with every turn.
( None Ever Do)
you’re that strong waman that wades through the blazes with a smile on her face Surprised by nothing life wants to throw at you the Good, Bad or ugly because there all the same Faces you’re entertained before,youre heart’s been broken, people have crushed your spirit and the unimaginable has tried to bring you. down… But you’re still here, still standing, still resilient… The! thing about someone like you is there is nothing anyone can do. that hasn’t been done before. Those scares of emotional pain-you wear them proudly to remind yourself of where you’ve been. Those pieces of past braken hearts you carry those bravely with you to insure that you never make those mistake again.
Those dents, scratches, bruises of guilt and regret you tuck them away just to remember that you’re better now and not
doomed to repeat those mistakes. you’ll never be perfect, but then you don’t want. You just want the a Simplest of things in most complex way: Happiness, love, loyalty and honesty, You Love your people hard and always trying to any be there For one who ever quations asked. You wont needs, no es ask for help but will be the First to offerit, No matter the day you had or how tired you are you always show up SMILING! After all, when you realize you’ve been through the Fire of Hell and back, still smiling, You can be sure there? nothing you can’t handle. That the most beautiful thing of all you’ll overcome all and still keep Shining bright like the diamond you are-strong, brave, and unstoppable

ME

Yo soy tu y tu eres mi (I am you and you are me)

Hola Hermosa! It might seem a little crazy to read this but I am writing this from a place of healing. You see…there were times, days, weeks, months and years back when you faced yourself and you let the voices of doubt become louder than the voices of love. I am here to remind you of those times. The purpose of the reminders is so that you can sit with yourself, think about your experiences and reflect. Soak in the feelings you have that are still lingering, recognize what still seems familiar and work on digesting the process that has come out of it. Though the feelings may seem familiar you are not the same person you were then and you have a different understanding because of the knowledge that you gained from those happenings.

Dear girl, you have faced lessons more than once and each time you gained some insight, your body learned how to slow down and move differently. But let’s be real, not every step is a step forward, some steps took you back down and some made you take the scenic route. You see… life isn’t always pretty. You know this. But life is always beautiful. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

It was December of 2020 and you were far removed,… from yourself, from the world, from love and from reality. There was a defining moment in conversation that shifted your entire world. You decided to part ways, with a person, with a past, with a version of you that was complacent and completely unhappy. The thing is, you thought that by making this decision, you would feel happy again. That you would find yourself. That you would love yourself. That the past could be left in the dust and that you would keep your head held high looking forward and never looking back. And, “boy, oh boy”, were you high out of your mind.

Depression grew from the end of that relationship, a relationship that was so deeply engraved in your day to day, it was more like a reflex than an evolving union. It seeped itself into your mind, into your thoughts, into your body. It dimmed your light, silenced your voice, and took a different form during every silent moment. When you were around family and friends you looked like someone that had just lost something. Still yourself, still social, and still doing. And part of me was still there, but an even bigger part of me was screaming inside. It was like I was locked in an escape room that nobody can see but me. I was sobbing on the inside and nobody could hear me or help me.

So I did what any unreasonable adult would do. I went out with friends, I made sure that I kept myself occupied to avoid sitting with myself, and I even drank to drown out the noise. I made it pretty hard to feel anything other than delusion. I made delusion my safe haven and nested in it. I made a life dripped in fantasy, and frosted sweetly with delusion, I hid myself in a place where laundry socks end up. A place everyone knows exists but nobody looks for. Eventually the alcohol created a demon, a demon who became immune to its own addictions. The sadness was no longer silenced by liquor, it was at the surface. Tears, fear and sadness showed up in every path infront of me. I lost things I valued more than myself. I lost my friends. I lost my career that I worked so hard to obtain. I lost my fucking mind.
Everytime I sat alone in my room, flashbacks of my poorly made decisions with a few unmentionables brought me to tears. Because I was so desperate. I lied to myself thinking each person cared for me because our bodies connected like magnets. I thought that cuddling with a boy I liked meant he also felt the same, but this boy never took me seriously. How could he? When I didn’t take myself seriously. How could he see my worth when I didnt value myself either. I thought about all the times I accepted less because I felt like it was what I deserved. I remembered how many times I stayed quiet and allowed someone to do what they wanted with me for the fear of losing them. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was saddened by the pity I felt for myself. I cried and in my head I called myself the names I had heard from others until I made myself sick. So sick. Sick of my own shit, sick of my pity party.

I sat in my bathtub crying, talking to myself, to spirit, and asking myself for forgiveness. I called myself my love for the first time in between sobs, tears and gasps for air. And at that moment, I found the sweetest part of me. I found the wounded child. The one who finds the good in every situation, the one who craves to be loved, the one who has so much love to give.. I found her hurt, yes, but still loving. There was hope. I knew that she was who I needed. I hadn’t shown her love, I hadn’t shown her value. And so I started to show myself the love I always needed. And this my love, is your reminder. We have love to give, keep going, keep growing, keep glowing. TQM.

Con cariño,

Karina Padilla-Robles

Dear Todd,

I know you are hurting right now. I know this has been a horrible day! The school year starts in just over a week, and not just any school year – the first day of SEVENTH GRADE is coming fast! You are entering Middle School! And you are not going to just any middle school. No, you will be attending the very middle school where your dad was an uber successful football and basketball coach just a decade ago. Earlier this morning, you heard your pediatric orthopedic surgeon get excited over all the progress you have made and how you have defied all the odds. Then, in the next breath, you heard him refuse to clear you to play football or really any sports in school or anywhere else. Now you are sitting at Diamond Sports in McAlester, bawling because your mom is refusing to buy you the white and purple Jordans. The ones you have longed for more than anything since you saw him wearing them on the Wheaties box. I know you think those black Reebok pumps are ugly, and you think you will be made fun of for wearing them to school, and like you need any extra reasons for the other kids to pick on you.

She won’t even let you try them on. The salesman brought out your size, and she is not letting you try the shoes on. It sucks, it really does. You hate your birth defect. You hate even saying the name of it – severe club foot. You hate when your parents are constantly reminding you what they were told – you would always struggle to walk, you would need a walker or cane by the age of 12, and you would be in a wheelchair by 21. I know you are thinking, “Well, I turned 12 last week, so where is the walker or cane? Why can I not play sports if I don’t need them yet?” I know you are also thinking, “If my legs and feet are so messed up that I cannot play sports, and follow in my sports legend father’s footsteps, why can’t I at least have the shoes I want the most before the wheelchair comes?”

Hey Todd, the wheelchair never comes! In fact, you wind up running distance races in your 40s, like half marathons! I wish I could tell you that somehow you are miraculously healed, and you get to play sports, and you become the first multi-sport hall of famer, but none of that happens. What does happen, though, is that these next few years shape your life.

You get asked to be the athletic trainer in high school, and that becomes your thing. Your closest friendships are forged in the training room and on the sidelines of the football field and basketball court. You are part of the team anyway, Todd, and your teenage years are so blessed.

Your mom never agrees to buy you those Jordans either, or any others for that matter. Eventually, you quit asking. But here is the really cool thing – retro Jordans (the ones from his playing days, just wait to see the craziness that happens with his career), they become what you are known for! It won’t be until 30 years from now, but it will happen. Through a long series of events, you wind up switching careers to education, and you even follow in your dad’s footsteps to become a school administrator. That is when you become known for your shoes. You use your adult money to buy Jordans, and you are known among your students as the assistant principal in suits and J’s. Your shoe game is legit and is talked about all over school and throughout the communities where you work. Your love for Jordan sneakers allows you to build connections and help students achieve greatness and change their lives and their families’ lives.

So, yeah, you are hurting right now, but it gets better, Todd! Oh, and guess what? Those white and purple Jordans, they’re known as the Grape Jordan 5’s, they are being re-released in true retro form in just 3 days, and you will be in line at the shoe store to finally get a pair of your favorite shoes of all time. So, get all of those tears out right now as you sit on that bench in the shoe department at Diamond Sports, but just know you will never stop loving Jordan shoes, and that passion for them will help you change lives in ways you never expected!

Dear Sixth Grade Me

I know for many, sixth grade was a hard time for them, too. I hope that not only that writing this letter in the hopes of helping you a bit, but others as well or others who experienced similar things. In hopes this can give you some closure. For you, are the only one left broken. 

Many know me by H. I’m in the 12th Grade, senior year of highschool. I was diagnosed with OCD this year, got better with Trichotillomania and anxiety. I’ve made new friends, and lifetime memories from highschool. I grew even closer to my brother, my sister, and best friend. I am no longer friends with, him. Don’t even talk with that group anymore. We were able to move on. We became happy.

I decided to write to you for other reasons as well. You would understand where I was coming from now and I wanted to give you advice or tell you what’s happened in life. Let’s start with where you will understand. You aren’t well. We both know that. You were holding on to someone that didn’t care and it affected you greatly. It still affects you to this day. Can’t hear his name, see his name, or even look at him without panicking a bit. Even looked back at some of those “happy” messages we had. You realize over time, leaving him as a friend was the best decision you could’ve ever made. Next thing is, leaving him made you grow closer to the one he hates, my best friend. Someone you never thought you would speak to again because of him. But without my best friend, you wouldn’t be where you are today. 

Some advice, don’t let his words control you. You let those words control your thoughts, dreams, fears, everything. I couldn’t leave the house as his words would repeat in my head on loop. However, it takes time, and you slowly heal. You get to be the person you want too. You write stories, poems, help others, you become confident. You don’t let him come back. And while we think it’s a good idea to let him come back. Do. Not. 

Now, for things for the future, let yourself feel emotions. Don’t be afraid to cry. You always hold back on everything when you shouldn’t. People, and pets, you care about most pass starting 8th grade. And it hurts beyond belief, especially when you don’t see the people around you smile anymore like they used to. Even with all this, you can’t let yourself struggle. You need to be strong, and by being strong is to accept it and your emotions and to let it out. You held back on everything for too long. Just because you see others not crying and think it’s strong, it’s not. It’s even stronger to cry and let your emotions out. It’s no good for you to keep it bottled up. 

I feel as if there is not much more I can tell you or say to you other than that. Please, take care of yourself now. Please take back control of your life. Please never think it’s the end again. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for making me who I am today. Thank you for being me.

Sincerely,

H

I’m sad
Like a dog in a cage at the shelter
Who’s been mistreated her whole life
And left by the people who should have protected her

I relate to her because everyone who should’ve loved me
hurt me and discarded me and my feelings too

She throws herself at anyone who comes to potentially take her home
Me too

She shows them all her cool tricks
Me too

She showers them with love and kisses
Me too

She trusts them before she should
Me too

She wears her heart on her sleeve
Me too

She just wants to be loved
Me too

She lets her guard down too soon
Me too

Finally, someone takes her home
but they don’t love her
It’s all fun in the beginning, but they grow tired of her just like they do me

But she’s already attached
Trauma bonded
Me too

So it doesn’t matter that they hurt her
When they walk in that door, she showers them with love
Unconditionally day in and day out

In the end, they still decide they don’t want her anymore
They take her back to the shelter
Back to a 4 x 4 cage

Her heart is shattered all over again
Mine too

She finally realizes nobody will ever truly love her enough
Not to hurt her, break her heart and desert her
Me too

Every day is a rainy day
Even when it’s sunny and bright
She can’t see past the pain
Me either

She spent her whole life being misunderstood
Me too

All she ever wanted was to be loved correctly
Me too

Dear Mars, the me from not that long ago,
You who felt you weren’t enough, that’s a tough lie to unravel.
A hurt that threatened to bury you, put you in the gravel.
But listen, you are enough, always enough, never not enough.
You’re 27 now, and that’s kinda “wow.”
Life changed so much, yet you carried you through.
No matter the chances, those second glances,
You’re a thrivor, not just a survivor, shining even when incomplete.
You love, Mars, even in the hard, the incomplete.
That’s a strength that’s tough to beat.
25 years, and what were the chances?
You kept going, always enough, never not enough.
So please, Mars, don’t give up. Keep going.
I know it’s hard, but you are enough.
You always were, even when you couldn’t see it.
You’re doing swell.

To the girl who believed she was not enough,

This is for she who cried alone in her bed at night, just wondering why someone wouldn’t love her.

For the girl who wondered if things would ever change, if she would ever feel okay.

To the girl who felt as though she was always too much for people, and yet somehow never enough at the same time.

That girl is more than enough. Success is hers. She is thriving in her career. As a teacher, she is beloved by many students, both primary-aged and college-aged. She loves people, and people love her.

Now, most importantly, she knows that God, who created her in His image, loves her more than anyone on earth ever could. She never needs to worry that she is not enough, for she is exactly the right amount. How could she have ever thought she was less than that?

She is a masterpiece painted by the God who created the universe.

If only I could travel to 2019 and tell her.

Style Score – 100%

Dear my sweet, sweet girl
Don’t you dare believe your thoughts
Don’t believe you’re not enough
It’s going to hurt like hell
& simply put it’ll damn sure be tough
You’re going to go through the worse worst
Seeing things which no one should
Feel that pit in your stomach worse than you ever thought you could

I’m sorry to say
You’ll lose the people you thought you’d have friendship forever
Be let down by those in authority
Exercising dominance
Rather than exemplifying that of a leader
You’ll betray yourself
Time & time again
No one to talk you out of that negative mindset
Only because you’ll never have someone on which you can depend
So you’ll show up for yourself
& learn what it is to have commitment

Your inner critic will sway to the little devil on your shoulder
Little by little breaking your sweet confidence
While people undoubtably, unfortunately break their promises
The little devil once again trying to break down your belief in self
While the innocent girl inside of you still imagines that sweet fairytale

You have to become enough
I will become enough
Heal that which your mother passed on to you
I will not go through life dark & blue
Dare not to continue the cycle of pain
Create peace within, expel the darkness
Reach that part in your soul you’d never think to harness
I am light
Be better for your daughter to come
Raise the standard for women that society has undone
I embody elegance
I display class
Finding that love inside of you
Which makes sure —makes certain—
You will never again be put last

You have what it takes
Yet again, you always did
You are not a victim of your environment
You are not the disgraceful words people project
You are the most perfect creation
Yet far from perfect

You will lose yourself in love
Due to the belief you’re not enough
Thinking you need validation, confirmation
Until you learn to love yourself without any limitations
You’re a hopeless romantic
Eventually losing your trust in true love
Until you realize the realest one
Comes from those above

You’ll be taken advantage of
Because you’re scared to believe you have more worth
By laying down your solid grounds
You’ll discern that not just anyone is welcome on your turf
You’ll undeniably build resilience
& learn to put your best foot first

You can’t sing that well
But you’ll learn to sing your own song
Accept that you’re growing
Despite your wrongs
Always trying to find your tribe
But never feel like you truly belong
Feeling free through dance
You’ll learn to dance to the beat of your own drum

It doesn’t matter what anyone says
Forget if the goals you set for yourself take more time or less
It doesn’t matter how poor or well you dress
It doesn’t even matter if you walk this life alone
It matters not that you have trauma
& despite coming from a broken home—
You are enough
I am enough
We are the same
We are worthy of every milestone

Dear me, not past me or little me just me now, you tell yourself everyday your not enough, you aren’t worth it, that your just a waste of space, and that you’re useless. You act fine and happy like everything is amazing in life its natural to do at this point, like a smile is the mask you must wear throughout the day, you can’t let people know, not even your friends, you have to be alone, deserve to be completely and utterly alone. When these thoughts come the one friend you told is there for you and tells you how you’re not worthless, how you just haven’t found your place yet. She says if your gone you’ll miss out on the beautiful sunsets, the crashing ocean waves, the magical words I’ve yet to read, or the people I haven’t met that could change everything, or stars that fill the night skies that I’d miss out on. There are many years to come so don’t give up in times of despair, but rejoice in the small moments of happiness. Your young, so, so, young your life has just begun don’t take away the future you dream of the life you yearn for, live for the future not the past it can’t be changed but the future is yet to come. You will always be more than life led you to believe because you are enough.

Dear Younger Self,

Remember the times when you thought, or had been told by anyone, that if you looked a certain way to be beautiful, then a guy would fall head over heels for you?

Deep down, the advice isn’t fully true. However, it never helped when others made compliments on your curvy body or even went as far as to compare you to your peers, or even worse, to your older sisters who already had their lives figured out while you’re still searching for yours.

We can’t help it whenever we’re socially awkward, no matter how hard we try to act smart, rehearse conversations beforehand, keep quiet, or tell a joke that nobody understands.

Exercise is always rewarding, yet we’ll probably never compete in the big sports with some muscles in the knees fighting against each other, which commands a slower workout pace in taking care of ourselves.

You’ve had crushes, most of which are the good types. I apologize that almost all of them only saw you as a “friend” or the “nice girl,” knowing full well that they will never ask you out, as they had seen past you instead of through you. It’s even worse when three crushes confidently tell you they like your friends.

You’ve been a people pleaser for so many years because you wanted many friends, so you would never feel lonely. You hated judgment, criticism, and disappointment, and yet there was often one small wrong detail that you didn’t get right.

You’ve wondered if you weren’t pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, strong enough, skilled enough, or funny enough, then who were you supposed to be?

You kept masking with a brave face, putting others before yourself. But at the end of the day, you’re only human, praying that there will be someone there for you, to hold you and say, “this too shall pass.”

You have now come to a point where you realize, “I’ll never be good enough, no matter how hard I try.” I’m so sorry that we came to that eye-opening conclusion.

However, there are some things in my present self that I can say to you as a piece of wisdom: in a world that says either you’re good enough or not at all, there is no one-hundred percent belief on either side. We believe, and live by, the belief that “we’re not perfect, nobody ever is, we are enough and we’re still learning.”

If something needs improving, we can learn by applying a growth mindset and prosper. It never needs perfection. It never required human approval. It needs care. It needs growth. It needs to make good daily choices, no matter how old you get.

Not skilled enough? You’re getting experience.

Not talented enough? You’re practicing what needs to be better than the first few or hundred times.

Not strong enough? Be gracious to yourself in both physically, mentally, and emotionally ways.

Not funny enough? You have your special sense of humor, so own it!

Not smart enough? Still applying any source of useful tools and education from books, videos, and teachers.

Not pretty enough? Have your definition of true beauty to stand by, even if no one notices it but yourself.

As for true love, don’t worry, he will come. He’s more than an average guy. He’s a very loving man who will never stop thinking of you. To him, you are the most beautiful in this entire world, whether you wear something glamorous or are a beautiful mess.

As for thinking that you’re not enough, you might not be for most individuals. Others, you are more than. And that is alright. For yourself, it’s okay that you don’t have everything figured out, or have the perfect scale of any side you fully believe in.

You’re where you need to be, and you do have a purpose in this life: enough and yet growing.

Dear,
I’ve written letters to family, friends, and strangers but never to you. Perhaps it is because I am unsure of where you are within our shattered pieces of self-worth. You don’t remain in a single moment of time but rather in many. You hop around through our timeline as if you are Alice’s white rabbit. I know that during your travels, you yell at the top of your lungs, asking yourself, “Why? Why me? Why am I not good enough? Why am I not beautiful or intelligent? Why am I not simply enough?”
I wonder where you are right now. Are you in the parking lot where our heart and soul bled out? Or can I find you in the phantom living room, sitting on the scarlet and amber chair, trying to create conversations that were never there? Perhaps you are in the bedroom, the TV on mute, as you sit in deafening silence, staring at the untouched plate of food. Or do you sit in the backyard with Depression and her children, watching them as they play and dance around the black and white cherry blossom tree? Where are you, Little Bunny? Have you found yourself running towards the alluring poisonous lake again, inhabiting the same space as the beast of a man they call Narcissus? Have you become the echo to that story?
I am here. Awaiting for your to return home to me. For as long as you take, I will wait until you are ready. I will be the first to admit that the same as the world has, I have been cruel to you, my love. You wear the indestructible mask remarkably so well- for us- as if we are not leisurely killing ourselves from the inside out. I broke you. I broke you until you became the small, insignificant, shattered fragments of yourself. Yes, I have been a ferocious host towards you. Chaining you up and taking you beyond tears of sorrow and dread, I have dragged and thrown you into the morbid abyss of nothingness. Yet, here I am, pleading and hoping that you trust me for the very first and last time in our lives.
Time is a liar here. It won’t erase your mistakes, nor will it give you back the heartbeats that you have missed. The stories that Depression tells you are merely fairy tales. So, tell me, where are you? I carry no weapons in hand, only half-healed wounds. I know our wonderland is not tea parties or whimsical tricks. It is a trail of horrific sights and sensitive bombs. A trail full of “we must not feel, we do not cry.” “We must carry the world on our shoulders without complaining and definitely without whining.” “We must take care of others and put their needs above ours because we do not matter.”  
However, the truth is, Little Bunny, we will never be enough. Not now or ever. We cannot be perfect, and we cannot carry the world as if we were Atlas. We are not a god. We are merely a human girl. We can only try to be a better person than we were yesterday. Come home to me. Plod your way along the treacherous road, for our mind is unbowed, just as the poem Invictus states. Collect your pieces, open your wounded heart, show your bruises, and breathe in the air of cherry blossoms and musk because we are not simply a single thing. We are as complex as our backyard tree. We are everything you want to forget and the future that might be. Do not give up on us and listen to my hums in the harsh winds, for I am very much real and not a delusion. I will wait for eternity or until the world ends, whichever comes first. Must I remind you that we have work to do? That we are enough for ourselves even if the world disagrees; we are here for a reason. Now come out of hiding, Little Rabbit, for I am no longer the wolf. I have always been the bunny, too. Besides, this picnic is for two.
Sincerely,
C.R.

“Hear Me With Your Heart ❤️‍🩹”
In a world that buzzes, loud and wild,
You opened arms to a hurting child.
Not born of blood, but born of grace,
I found my home, my rightful place.
Mom and Dad, you saw past pain,
Through all the storms, through every strain.
You saw the spark, the soul beneath—
The silent strength, the breathless grief.
I came with scars not easy to see,
Carved deep in years of history.
Foster homes, cold nights, and fears,
Unspoken truths and stifled tears.
I wear devices on my ears,
A bridge between two distant spheres.
I may not catch each sound or tone,
But don’t mistake me all alone.
I am not broken, dumb, or weak,
My silence doesn’t mean I won’t speak.
I have a voice — it’s loud and clear,
If only you would truly hear.
Don’t wait for words that never come,
Hear the silence, feel what’s numb.
Just look inside my quiet eyes—
You’ll see the questions, see the “whys.”
Why do I fear to let you in?
Why hide my battles deep within?
Because too often, I’ve been taught,
That pain is something best forgot.
But love like yours breaks down that wall,
It tells me I can tell it all.
That even when I fall or fight,
Your arms will hold me through the night.
We may not always see eye to eye,
And sometimes tempers shout and fly.
But isn’t that just family, too?
The love that fights, then starts anew.
So hear me not with ears alone—
But with your heart, your love, your own.
I’m not a puzzle to be solved,
Just someone who wants to be involved.
Deaf or hearing, we all cry,
We all reach for a reason why.
We all need someone who will stay,
When words and signs both drift away.
So don’t define me by what’s gone—
I’m more than silence carried on.
I’m laughter, dreams, and late-night talks,
I’m stumbles, triumphs, winding walks.
I’m human—full of light and fire,
Of stubborn hopes and deep desire.
And I believe, with you beside,
I don’t have anything to hide.
So thank you, family, for this space,
For every smile, for every grace.
You chose to love, and not erase—
You helped me find my rightful place.

Feeling Low
I am reaching out to share because I heard you were feeling low. Your life has not been going the way you thought it should go.
Listen to me; I have something to say: You’re a good daughter, mother, sister, auntie, and friend in every way.
I’ve watched you tackle the challenges in life with integrity; they say the apple doesn’t fall
far from the tree.
Avoid letting today’s troubles get you down; instead understand what you are going through
and that it will come around.
In the face of fear, you managed it like a pro; all the pain you’ve endured, while feeling alone – nobody possibly could know.
But I watched you handle it all; challenging every emotion while appearing fearless and tall.
You’ve given me hope and strength in the face of diversity, showing me how to love myself
and to truly believe…
That I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
So, by reading this letter please hear me and know sister, girlfriend, there is no reason for you to feel low.
High in your positive energy and kind words- you’re a star! I am writing this to you because I want you to know who you are.
By Shay

Be you! Enjoy those wildflowers. Enjoy the wind blowing through your hair as you ride your bicycle through town. Don’t be intimidated by anybody. You have a wonderful, exciting life ahead of you. Don’t let anybody make you question yourself. You make very wise and careful decisions. Your dreams are worth stepping into. You are beautiful! You are sexy! You are smart!
On one special night in October of 1979 your future husband will ask you to spend your life with him as his wife. I know you’ve only known him for 3 months. I also know you will question making such a huge decision. Say ‘YES” with assurance that your future will be awesome with him in it. I wouldn’t change a thing so enjoy the journey.
During the journey, don’t stop attending college! I know you will be tempted to stop, but don’t do it! What your future spouse didn’t tell you is that he is only a semester worth of credits away from his Bachelor’s degree…encourage him to finish! If he doesn’t do it now, he won’t do it. Fine art will be his friend in the future as well as architecture design…encourage him to pursue those two studies.
And school for you? I know you are torn between wanting to be a teacher, pleasing your mom by taking accounting, and studying computer programming for your dad. That’s ok, all those subjects will be beneficial for your future! I want to encourage you to pursue a degree in Psychology and Creative Writing! You can do it! And you’ll enjoy it!
A great choice would be for both of you to find a college to attend together and live on campus. After you are married you can live in family housing. Trust me, it will be worth it!
The most important key in absolutely everything you do is to put God first! Focus on God for all your decisions! Life will be full of challenges, but the blessings will far outweigh the challenges. In fact, the challenges will make the blessings even more meaningful!
Start writing a journal. Eat healthy and stay active. Riding bikes, hiking, bowling are all things you will still enjoy years from now. Your sweetie may not enjoy these but start a routine now! He thrives on routines!
I will add, invest in gold and property now!! Start off small but keep it consistent and increase with every penny you can. Be you and focus on God! Be alert to key words like, blogging a influencers. Your education, experience and history will allow you to encourage others through your blogging. Being an influencer can be used to teach, direct, encourage, and console other young girls and women. Technology will change more than you can even imagine. In fact life as you know it will be so different. Remember to love others no matter who they are or where they’ve been. Let God do the judging, you do the loving.
People will try to discourage you. The ones who are the closest are the hardest to pull away from. In fact everything I’m telling you will be an uphill battle if you listen to people. But remember, you got this! God will be using you! Everything will be ok, you are so blessed! Enjoy the journey!

So today sucked. I thought it would suck because it’s a Saturday in Cleveland boxing up a gross house of a dead lady; who by the end was so unrecognizable she probably couldn’t tell you who she was let alone remember why she told basically everyone she came in contact with why her daughters abandoned her and she’s the obvious victim. But, it sucked for so many more reasons. Boxing up things means moving on.
Closure.
Finality.
I’m not sure I’m ready to be done. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so so grateful that there are people detached enough from my situation willing to help to step around me while I stare at the silverware.
I don’t know what it is about that house…
I can’t focus.
I can’t breath.
I can’t think.
I can’t move.
I get lost in memories and lost conversations and fights and sleepovers and birthday parties and bonfires and Christmas mornings.
Hiding liquor bottles and begging her not to drink that day.
Asking why I wasn’t enough…
Back to the silverware. Deep breath, I want to hate her. I want to light a match a walk away. But I can’t. Because I do in the back of my mind remember when she loved me.

Just last week as I walked across the street
I had a feeling of being so small,
It brought me so much fear I wanted to crawl.
“How could I be the one who paints & just drifts?”
Meeting random producers and making my favorite riffs.
“But I’ve worked so hard my joy has even become stiff.”
Shallower my breath was quickly becoming.
Yet I am standing & continuously running,
through each marathon towards the finish line.
What’s meant for me is already mine.
So, I take each strand of my life,
pull it & twist into twine.
Rushing to ballet classes falling through the grape vine.
A voice in the wind, it’s obviously my kin.
“Aren’t you ready to finally win?”
“Your strength is no longer thin.”
“Leave this nonsense & take a releve spin.”
“See what’s on the other side.”
“Just go be weird & enjoy the ride.”

To me, you’ve always been more than enough! Your environment conditioned you to act on demand, denying you the liberty to explore your true self.

I remember how you felt like you constantly had to perform, to be what others expected, always chasing approval instead of your own quiet joys. That feeling of being invisible, not truly seen or heard, crept into every corner of your mind. It made you shrink, made you doubt the very spark that was always inside you, just waiting to ignite.

You’re like the tiny firework that everyone laughs at in the beginning, but once your flame is lit, SPARKS FLY! I know all too well about life’s struggles–like overlooking what’s right in front of you. It’s hard to stray away from your comfort zone when the struggle was all you’ve known.

IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT, I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW!

Trust me, I get it. Implementing the change was your desire, but fear of trusting yourself held you back. You constantly thought about the worst-case scenario, but never thought things could actually work out. You were so used to being invisible that even you were blind to your many hidden talents.

For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been a fighter. The best kind of fighter, though, because you lead with your heart above all else. You take the time to feel things deeply, and you’ve become a safe space for the people that matter most to you.

If you ask me, I think you’ve been too hard on yourself. You’ve been through a lot, so it’s okay for you to fill your cup up first. You were never selfish; you just reached your breaking point with selfishly, entitled people. I recall the sting of betrayal and how hard it was to trust again after feeling let down by those you held dear. But even then, you learned how to open up again.

I know you’re tired of your abandonment issues being triggered by people you trusted. But you learned how to pick yourself back up and try again. Just think about it; you’ve made it through every bad day so far, so why not envision the life you’ve always dreamed of?

No one in this world can walk a mile in your shoes, and your existence alone is proof enough of your strength. People always show up for you in the nick of time because of who you are and not what you can do for them. Life has dealt you some bad hands, but you are a great person. I think that’s AMAZING to possess that much strength and resilience.

So be sure to tell yourself that you’ve always been enough! You are and always will be the light in every dark place! The purity of your heart is remarkable. Your sincere intentions. Your patience. The loyalty you show. Your honesty. Staying true to you was the answer all along. Inspiring others to live in their truth while loving themselves fully in the process! You’re the best kind of person to know and love in all stages of life.

P.S. – You’re the main character. ACT LIKE IT!