If beautiful was printed from a negative it would be the silhouette of a rose
Because roses are sculpted from the hands of immorality
Breathed from the marble no one saw as a flower
Every petal flaunts the gorgeous of galaxies
Positively Divine
The eyes of roses are ocean deep and sky blue
They see life the way we’re supposed to live
Balanced in duality, Life and Death
A marriage with as many anniversaries as time
The two need to become one so fear may bloom into confidence
A rose might be one of the few things to achieve perfection on earth the way its attraction reflects the heavens
The way it’s smile ages like the innocence of a child until its aroma becomes the wine from 35′
The way it freezes death into a Picasso Dali Esque piece of painted poetry
A rose understands the heartbeat of death and the silence of life in humility
That’s why they are used during and after life
Have you ever seen such grace command hell ?
Roses make the marble soft, the concrete cry, and anxiety strong
And that is why I say, “you remind me of a rose, an absolute rose.” (Daisy Buchanan)
You are and can be everything you want to achieve
p.s. it’s never too late to sculpt your rose…

This quote from The Great Gatsby has inspired me since my high school years. As a passionate admirer of flowers, particularly roses, I aspire to embody the metaphor of sculpting my rose from concrete. Life presents various challenges, and I have faced significant mental health hurdles along the way. However, this quote serves as a powerful reminder to embrace the strength that can emerge from pain and success. I am committed to personal growth and believe in my capacity to improve each day. That is what I wish to communicate in this poem and inspire others on their own journey.

For context, this poem is from my memoir “Rising Up”. It was Easter Communion, the church prayed, myself included. After the prayer I experienced Spiritual Warfare by being paralyzed in my seat in a praying position. That is when I said this poem out loud quietly.

Oath of Service

Dear LORD,

Forgive me,
for the sins I have done
and the shadows
that have grown
inside of me.

I beg
for forgiveness
for letting these shadows
linger inside me
for so long.

Help me be free
from the darkness.

In exchange,
I swear an oath.

Let this be
my oath of service.

I swear upon my life,
I will serve as a protector
of the people who praise you.

I will be the shield
that keeps them
safe from harm.

If those that attack
refuse to back down,
with a sense of regret
I will also be the sword
that strikes.

You teach to show compassion
to others, even those who wrong us.

In this state of madness
our world has fallen into,
I’m afraid I may have to be
the sword and the shield.

I will do my best
not be lethal.
All I will try to do
is defeat them.

If the shadows inside me
can not be removed.
Then give me the strength
to make these shadows
bend to serve you
as I will to my last breath.

After finishing I became free from my praying position. I was scared, and soon got involved with volunteer work with the church.

We are Family

A motto I have taken up
is something simple
yet abstract.

The Autism Community,
I consider individuals
that are apart of it
as Brothers and Sisters.

Because
I am on
the Autism Spectrum

I call those on the spectrum
“my brothers and sisters
of situation”.

The motto is applied to them.
“We may not share blood,
but we are family”.

We are all in
a similar situation.
We live in a world
that doesn’t welcome us.

Besides,
a community is
a type of family unit.

We are family by our
neurodivergence that
we all share.

We don’t need
to share blood
to have family bonds.

As my motto says,
“We may not share blood,
but we are family.”

The quote goes “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t it never was.” I use this quote in everything I do. Here’s a poem of how I use this quote in my life.

In the quiet hours of dawn’s first light,
I held my dreams close, fierce and tight.
But whispers of the world, soft and clear,
Taught me to release, to let go of fear.

With open hands, I cast them wide,
Knowing some would drift, some would bide.
For love, true love, finds its way home,
In the spaces between, in the skies we roam.

I watched as hopes flew on the breeze,
Some returning, wrapped in ease.
Others fading like mist in the sun,
Reminding me not all journeys are one.

Each lesson learned in the dance of fate,
Embracing the fleeting, I learned to wait.
For what is meant, will always remain,
And what was never mine, shall cause no pain.

So I cherish the moments, both lost and gained,
In the tapestry of life, both joy and strain.
With every letting go, I find my way,
Embracing tomorrow, come what may.

Everyone in the inner circle seemed to assume I’d be sad when you passed
But I wasn’t.
If anything I was more upset to learn how much pity you received
While I was frozen.

It doesn’t make sense does it?
The night of your death became the password and the key
to unlocking every single thing and door
That you walked me through.

They never had pity for me like they do with you.
I kind wish they did, but I know they never will-
So I just stare beyond my window sill
And wait for you to admit it to my face
I would’ve gotten lost in the paint
But I was worried, that my bedframe would break
I’ve tried to understand you and it worked and I forgive you,
But the aftermath of your death was a tragedy for us both.

September 29, 2024
“YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT BUT YOU MUST BE READY, WILLING AND ABLE TO WORK FOR IT!” DONE!!!
Dear Mommy:
I wanted to let you know the impact of your words of wisdom that you gave me more than 40 years ago, before your passing in 1987.
You told me “You can have anything that you want but you must be ready, willing, and able to work for it.” No greater words can be attributed to my success than these words.
You left truly before it all happened so let me tell you what you missed.
You may recall that the week before your death on June 27, 1987, I graduated from high school. I was the Mother of 2 little girls and I was able to walk across the stage and graduate with my high school class. I was ready, willing, and able to do the work to finish high school. Done!
I was devastated by your death because I was now a 17-year-old full-time Mother with no Mother. I was also in an abusive relationship and I felt stuck. Daddy soon moved away and I was left in a relationship with someone who acted as if he was now my parent. He wanted to control me and physically abused me when I did not let him have his way.
Within a year after I lost you, I gave birth to my youngest daughter and, within 6 months of her birth, I ended the relationship with my abuser. I was ready, willing, and able to live and save my daughters. Done!
By September of the same year, I began college studies at our local Community College. I was working full-time during the day and attending school in the evening. I was also a single Mother of three beautiful little girls. I was ready, willing, and able to start the dream that began when I was seven years old. Done!
After so many ups and downs, twists and turns, I was able to graduate with my Bachelor’s Degree. By the way, I was also the Homecoming Queen and the Student Commencement Speaker for my College graduation. My daughters lived with their paternal Grandparents in Alabama to allow me to finish school and I was ready, willing, and able to do the work to obtain my degree. Done!
Following my College graduation, I was engaged and a couple of years later, I was married to a wonderful man. My children came home soon after graduation and were all present at my wedding. My Fiancée found a home for our family and we all started our new journey. I was ready, willing, and able to create the life that I wanted. Done!
A few years later, and I know this will not surprise you, I applied for and was accepted into Law School. I deferred for One (1) year before my new husband had emergency open heart surgery. All was well and I started Law School the following summer. I was accepted into a program that prepared a select few students for the rigors of law school study. I was ready, willing, and able to make good on the dream of becoming an Attorney. It is what I told you I wanted to do when I was 7 years old and it was the dream that you assured me that I could accomplish. Done!
So, less than 20 years after you left me, I graduated from Law School and I was honored again to be selected as the Student Commencement Speaker. You would have been so proud, I was on the stage at Lincoln Center’s Avery Fischer Hall and I delivered an awesome speech that I was told motivated everyone in the audience of several thousand people. I was ready, willing, and able to share my journey because it was a journey. Done!
Mommy, as the years have gone by, I have never forgotten your words and although there have been times when I was frustrated or not willing for a moment to do the work, I have always known that I can have anything that I want but I must be ready, willing and able to work for it. I am still working and getting it DONE!
Thank you, I hope and pray that I have made you proud.

Sincerely,

The Apple of Your Eye,
L’Tanya Monique Watkins

There’s a myriad of ways to phrase it.
I’ve been told that if I can’t stand the heat
I should exit the kitchen-
But it’s the only room in my world
And it’s on fire,
Where the circumstances are always dire,
I’ve prayed that the smoke of the flames may lift me up higher
But I never could seem to escape the safest and only room
In my house.

Winston once said:
“Success is not final- failure is not fatal-”
Yet the both of them tied me up in knots,
Fun is not s’posed to be painful
Yet the both of them placed me in a blender,
And I’d become shredded to embers before
Recognized for being unique
Creativity is a gift-turned curse.

And the phrase:
“It could always be worse”
Never suited me for a second
Because the second I stretched to touch or at least
“Reach for the stars”
A force would come to cut my fingers off
As The Strangers scoff
How could it be worse?
And the stars and I grew farther apart-
An old friend once said “the world must change it’s heart”
But I worry that would never change for me and the other writers
With our fingers cut clean-
While the stars glow brighter than a Dreamer’s ever seen.

I’d opted to a phrase that bandaged my fingers
Years ago, searching endlessly for answers
To and fro but
My life- I mean one Hell of a kitchen
Is nothing but blood and of pain and of stiches
Inside this home-turned-prison
What a grim thing to say,
Though it’s kept me alive to this day:

“Kill yourself, or get over it.”

There will come a moment where you say, “Not this. This is too much.” I say, “Yes, this.” This must be borne, must be experienced to the core. When it is, this core is discovered to be none other than truth itself. – Gangaji

———

A friend once told me that they believed
“That life never gives you more
then you can handle.”
They sincerely believed it and yet,

I could only respond with
“Well then I must be ten feet tall
and bulletproof, because I’ve been
thru a lot more than you can imagine.”

Bear in mind…
We both work at a
residential psychiatric treatment facility
… so I suppose he could imagine a lot.

But he paused for a sip of tea
or maybe three and said to me
“Well then, maybe you are.
I can imagine that, can you?”

I walked away from that moment
buried in my memories of
one of the worst fights for my life
I had yet endured.

I once loved a man more monster than real
his mine shattered into a mosaic
of unconnected thoughts and impulses
later described as a schizo-affective psychotic break.

I couldn’t shake the memory
of going two days, or more, or less
time folded inward on itself
as I went without food, sleep, or water.

Trapped in that apartment with him
we used to dream of a future together in
as he hurt me again and again
with metal, with hands, with words, with…

twisting a tableau of the fantasies
made real by his chaotic mind
and I endured.
and I endured.

And I endured … and I don’t know how
I can’t find the reason why
as I found myself breaking apart
all ego, all sense of self gone

Vanished into the ether
there was nothing left…
except a light
at the core of it all that said

“Endure
You have something to live for
you still have something
you need to create.”

I came back from the memory
wishing to turn back to my friend to say,
“Maybe you’re right.
Maybe I am ten feet tall and bulletproof.”

I endured
and I know I always will.
I still have something
left to create.

Twelve years young when her heart bled
Left out by friends and cast aside
But her dad, he pillowed her pain and said
“Kid, tune out the noise and enjoy your own ride.”

So she danced to her own tune
finding her belonging.
College came soon
and she thought of her calling.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”
there was Gandhi…so wise in verse.
Drowning in books, her head it swirled
Yet she prevailed and earned the title Nurse.

Today she finds herself,
sometimes up and sometimes down
So she pulls a book from her shelf
– a poet worthy of a crown

Mary Oliver, “Instructions for life”
gracing her with a bit of wit
words to simplify her inner strife:
“Pay attention. Be Astonished. Tell about it.”

So this is a love letter
in its own way,
to the hidden gems of wisdom for better
I’ve so gently tucked away

To live by the heart is the sweetest of things;
To live by the heart is living in honesty with yourself;

It’s to live courageously;
Isn’t it beautifully and joyfully tasteful operating from a place of love and resonance;

To stamp your existence to the world in your own skin daringly, devoid of shame;

Choosing to show up for you for a change;
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to any and all for the sake of actually breathing your own breath;

Now that’s power;
An innate presence present in us all;
What bigger a disservice committed to ourselves than to mute the SO(U)L;

For to live by the heart is to invite more beauty in both the individual and collective world

When I start to sink it happens in waves
My thoughts weigh me down slowly but steadily
A premonition takes over me
I see myself beginning to drown wondering why I wasn’t fighting to break out
Dissecting the voices in my head like they’re the deep murky waters yanking me down
I allowed myself to stay just hardly afloat
Basking in the depths of the tormenting waves
Finding solace in the solo sea almost refreshing to let my tears consume me
My grandmother once said something I’ve repeated silently throughout this life
Never paying much mind how could I when I was only just five
Never turn your back on a wave
Suddenly the meaning passed right by me while drifting away I lifted my gaze
It was a single red balloon signaling to return to grace
Now 30 and won my battle at sea
I fled to freedom feeling the sand beneath my feet
No longer waiting for someone to save me
Feeling the glimmering orange haze from the sun beaming down on me
I once felt constrained while the Kraken imprisoned me
Now I’m finally safe I feel the joys of life pour back into me
Peacefully floating in rivers now but only in my dreams I feel them cleansing and changing me
Never turn your back on a wave what a simple way to remind me to stay safe
Even your own mind can commit the darkest of crimes
When I feel everything begin to crash down on me
Meet me at the sea I’m no longer afraid to fight even the darkest shadow versions of me