This year began with me lost and confused,
Ignoring God’s calls, his voice infused:
“It’s time to heal, to let go, to break free,
Release what no longer serves, and set boundaries.”

Each time I smiled at my reflection’s view,
The truth inside whispered, “I see through you.”
I kept running, avoiding his steady plea,
Until isolation season sat me down to see.

Face to face with the shadows I’d flee,
For the first time in my life, I discovered me.
No longer bound by others’ demand,
I took my healing into my own hands.

This year’s ride has been a twisting road,
A Rollercoaster of weight and soul unbowed.
Through tears, I’ve released what held me confined,
Through breath, I’ve found peace and time to realign.

A spiritual journey, a path I now tread,
2024 brought the tears that needed to be shed.
It brought me closer to truth, closer to peace,
This year, I discovered a version of me unleashed.

Thank you for not giving up. I know for many of you readers saying thank you to yourself is easy. Stay with me and read a brief snippet of my so-called life, and then you decide if I deserve to be thanking myself. At some point in time, everyone feels as though the deck of cards is stacked against them. Today’s story is from a defining moment at the age of 12. Only after finding out from a relative that my life as I knew it was a lie. I am the middle of three kids, yet I had a different dad. I had 12 years of lies to sort through, so naturally, my first reaction was to run away from home. Only 10 blocks away, to at the time, a person I thought would be a lifelong friend. At 12 years old, I did not understand the concept of medication and what is necessary to overdose. I tried to take a handful of my antidepressants, which I was on because of the mental illness that plagues my family. Only to open my eyes a few hours later. Laying upon the outdated, hard yet carpeted floor of my best friend’s bedroom. My head felt like someone took a sledgehammer to a raw egg. The haze and the cloudy vision was a bonus. I thought about my mom and how hard it must have been to keep that secret all those years. After throwing my preteen melodramatic fit, I returned home after a week. Now, keep in mind my mom knew where I was the entire time. The best way to understand something is to ask questions. Unfortunately, the only answers I got were that it was for your own good; he is a drug addict and was not fit to raise a kid. I had to give my mom the benefit of the doubt. Mainly because unable to confirm any of the information with the person known to me as a face on a picture. I had to believe that what my mom was telling me was the truth. My thank you to myself stems from these events in my preteen years. Thank you for not giving up on believing in yourself. Despite everyone who was supposed to be there for you, have been lying to you your entire life. Thank you for not letting the lies of your childhood keep you from being extraordinary. Thank you for looking past the lies from your mother and forgiving her. Thank you for not giving up then or ever again. Thank you for not letting the biggest lie of your childhood dictate your future.

Dear Unsealers:

Dobar dan iz Dubrovnika!

It’s the afternoon of Friday, October 11th, 2024.

I’m walking along the city walls surrounding the old town of Dubrovnik. With each stick tap and every step, I can see more and more of the Adriatic Sea. The old town of the city is on the horizon. Red roofs as far as the eye can see.

This is the last day of a ten-day trip to Croatia. I don’t want to go back to NYC.

I’ve seen a bit of everything as we’ve moved along.

From the urban sprawl of the capital city in Zagreb. Gritty, quirky, and fiercely proud of its place in the Balkans. The shades of gray in the sky didn’t stop the sightseeing. From the Stone Gate to the Zagreb Cathedral, there are still signs of damage from the earthquake in 2020. To the Lotrščak Tower with a canon that fires every day at exactly noon. And the local delicacy, a cheese-filled pastry named Strukli complements all the pivo and lamb on offer.

A mishap happened during our tour of the Plitvice Lakes National Park. I nearly lost one of my hiking sticks in the lake but was able to recover it One step at a time, I was able to navigate the 2.5 mile hike in the rain.

As the trip moved on, the gray skies of the continent gave way to the coastal portions.

From Split and its starring role as the backdrop for Game of Thrones to departing the mainland for the island of Hvar. The moonlit skies in the harbor overlooking our hotel, with the islands of Brac and Korcula on the far horizon.

Here we are in Dubrovnik. It’s every bit as scenic as my mind thought it would be. The city walls surround the old town, tiled streets, and views of boats in the harbor leading excursions out to the other islands off the coast.

Thirty-eight of us are in this group, and I’m the only solo traveler. As in previous trips, I didn’t let that fact deter me from befriending the group. Everyone’s been so kind to me, especially our tour guide Nikoleta.

I released my first poetry book while this trip happened, “A Poetic Journey, Staying At Home” and to my wonder and amazement, everyone took a liking to me and to my poetry. In fact, there’s a bit of a surprise during the farewell dinner later this evening.

I was worried that there would be a letdown after the epic trip to Greece the year before. But thankfully, that didn’t materialize. This was a fast-paced trip, and I enjoyed every minute once I touched down in Zagreb.

I was able to forget the delayed flight to Munich from JFK and the fact that I missed my connection to Zagreb. When you have views of the Adriatic in front of you as I do, all the negativity gets pushed aside and the joy is what remains.

It’ll be tough to say zbogom Hrvatska!
But I leave Croatia in awe of this country and all of its beauty.

I hope to be back again soon, as there’s so much more to explore.

Breathe, Corazon. You lived. Covered in bruises, scratches, tears and blood. The mirror may not recognize your swollen face, but I do. Your scrambled thoughts still scream an echo of days and nights of sleepless horrors, cold stares, inhuman screams from human lips, and unfeeling souls. Turn down the noise. You lived. You crawled on hands and knees in innumerable pairs of clothes, countless phones in your hands to call for help before they were shattered, and handfuls of long hair ripped out on your way to nondescript cars trying to flee…and you did. You lived. Forgive yourself for going back, for leaving again, for climbing out of hell only to go back. This life would be empty without you, so I thank you for putting that bottle of pills and alcohol down. I thank you for doing what you needed to do to make yourself stronger to survive in world that values insignificant skills that mean nothing on freezing nights and to starving bellies. Thank you for living on the days when the darkness would have you drain the blood from your veins, or swallow a bullet. Thank you for battling the wave of nightmarish memories that rage to rip you from the dull monotony and out of the lives of people who tell you to “just smile”. Thank you Corazon. Because without you I could not survive. Thank you beautiful soul…

Ninety nine bottles of torture on the fall
I pick one up
Pass another round

Again darkness rides
I twinkle, glow n shine

Delicate soul, fragile heart
Shattered bones, creating art

Chewed up, spat out
Bread crumbs
I find my way about

For no one knows the ache that resides
A beautiful cover as assigned

Sealed with wishes
Thank you for your stitches

The torture of ninety nine bottles
Hello Role Model
Kisses

Dear Lyndsey,

I know it hasn’t been easy for you! Life has been far from simple—a rollercoaster that began when you turned 18. You were a child having a child, and your emotions were all over the place. Do you remember your senior year at a private Catholic high school? People would walk down the hall, whispering, staring, and spreading hateful rumors. You shed so many tears as you laid your lonely head down at night.

The father of your unborn child was in the Navy, stationed four hours away in Virginia Beach. You felt so alone in Laurel, Maryland, going through this life-changing pregnancy by yourself. Yes, you had your parents, but it wasn’t the same. You could see the disappointment in their eyes. You understood their feelings, but you still felt like an isolated planet in the sky. The future looked different for you; you had to give up your dreams of attending college in North Carolina or Virginia.

Then, something wonderful happened in the middle of your pregnancy: you fell in love with the idea of being a mom. Despite your fears, that love only grew. When you had your baby girl, the gleam in your eyes shone bright, and your smile lit up the room. I was so proud of you. At just eighteen, you were taking on the world of motherhood, and you were so brave.

This would not be the only time in your life that you showed bravery. You loved being a mom and a wife. You married your child’s father, but sadly, he ended up cheating on you and hurting you both physically and emotionally. You endured that for two years, but then you found the courage to leave.

For many years, you struggled with love. Through failed marriages, heartbreaks, and financial challenges, your inner strength emerged. What did you do with the lessons from those heartbreaks? Let me remind you! You wrote a poem about domestic violence and launched it on a domestic violence resource help page, where other women shared their stories and where resources were available for help. This powerful poem was read at many open mics, published, and spread around colleges to raise awareness for domestic violence.

Amid all the chaos in your life, you brought three beautiful children into the world, and they are successful in both academics and life! Even when faced with instability in your romantic life, being a mother always came first. You built a strong career in education, tirelessly giving back as an educator for special needs students. You are driven by faith, perseverance, strength, and courage.

You never stopped believing in love and the goodness of humanity. Now, at 45 years old, you own your own home, providing a safe space for you and your kids. You are facing yet another battle on your own, but guess what? The world can’t knock you down. You prioritized your mental health by seeking therapy, rediscovered who you are, and became your biggest advocate. You are stronger than ever.

Also, congratulations on your second book! You are an amazing warrior, and I can’t wait to see how this new chapter in your life unfolds!

With admiration,

Dear Anita,

You have overcome so many obstacles in your life, and for that, I am deeply proud of you. You faced relentless bullying throughout school, endured the pain of sexual abuse, and battled through mental health challenges that could have broken you. Yet, through it all, you kept pushing forward.

You’ve had to learn how to love yourself, to heal from wounds that ran deep, all while being a devoted mother to an autistic child who depends on your strength and love. And you did it—you continue to do it every day.

You’ve fallen down more times than you can count, but you always get back up. You’ve faced struggles head-on, often carrying the weight on your own, all while raising two incredible children. As a full-time worker in the demanding and stressful environment of a prison, you’ve shown resilience and perseverance that few could match.

Anita, you are an inspiration to so many women who feel misunderstood, unappreciated, or unseen. You’ve been called ugly and torn down by others your whole life, yet you didn’t let their words define you. You’ve been picked on for learning differently, for navigating life with your own autism, ADHD, and other challenges. But you didn’t give up. You didn’t let their words continue to break you.

Despite the pain, you smile—even when you feel like crying. You have trusted in God to carry you through, and that faith has given you strength to stand tall in the face of adversity. Your story is proof that even when the world tries to dim your light, you can still shine brightly.

Never forget how far you’ve come, how much you’ve accomplished, and how many lives you’ve touched. You are powerful, resilient, and beautiful inside and out. Your journey is a beacon of hope and strength for others who are fighting their own battles.

With love and pride,
Anita

Today, I will give myself the gift of forgetting.
It will be like a waterfall cascading over me, cleansing me, curing me.
It will be like my mother’s arms cradling me, calming me, curing me.
I will cherish and protect it the way I want to be
cherished
and protected.
And when I find myself crying over things I cannot change,
I will remember that today
I gave myself a gift.

Heartfelt Thank you for..
C- Commitment to your purpose
C-Commitment to your faith
C-Commitment to never giving up
Heartfelt thank you for…
H-Honor, keeping self respect
H-Humility to know you have value, without walking on others.
Heartfelt thank you for…
A-Ambition and
A-Aspiring to be better everyday
Heartfelt thank you for…
R-Respect
R-Responsible to care for others.
Heartfelt thank you for…
M-Morals you were taught
M-Me, I am always trying to be, true to be
Heartfelt thank you for…
A-Always being true to self
And what is important to you
Heartfelt thank you for…
I-Interity- Installed and displayed
Heartfelt thank you for…
N-Necessary new beginnings to grow
Heartfelt thanks for…
E-Excellence you apply to everything you do

Heartfelt thanks to you, CHARMAINE!!!

Thank you for being true to yourself and not allowing anyone to push you around anymore. I appreciate your courage in being vulnerable again after experiencing hurt from family, friends, and even a toxic significant other. Thank you for choosing yourself in situations that could jeopardize your mental health once more.

Thank you for accepting your flaws and embracing your unique qualities. You have made the little girl inside you proud today because no one else could ever fully understand what you have gone through.

Thank you for loving your inner beauty and not worrying about what others think. I admire how you hold onto your childhood memories while letting go of the pain associated with who you used to be. Thank you for breaking free from your parents’ control over your life and for recognizing that you are not obligated to maintain relationships with people you don’t get along with, especially your brother.

Thank you for following your heart and pursuing your dreams without letting anyone else ruin them. Life is too short not to be thankful for yourself, so always remember to be grateful.

Waiting
I waited.
I waited for months.
I waited for the return.
I waited for man that left.
I waited for the dream we talked about.
I waited.

You ran.
You ran instantly.
You ran when the first sign was red.
You ran when everything just became too much.
You ran when all I wanted was you to be you.
You ran.

I waited and served us.
You ran and served yourself.
I waited to find out I was right for waiting.
You ran, knowing you were right because I waited.
You and I are not the same.