Dear who I was a year ago,

Stop. I know what you are thinking, but you are completely wrong, you know. All those things you’ve convinced yourself about who you are and the ending of your life, based on what others told you and what you told yourself, are rumors. The rumors say, “You are a mess”, “You are incapable of love”, “You’ll never get better”, etc. If anything, I’m laughing right now that you actually believe that. You are way more than those words.

On the contrary, I learned the opposite of what those rumors said. I am not messy, I am adventurous and creative. It’s better to be more than to be less. Less would be so boring. It’s so much more fun to be myself. I have the ability to fight and to love. I can stand up for myself, and not take trash, but I can love people too. You and I are the opposite of a bad person. We always want to do better, even though it can feel impossible. You always have the intent to do good despite your mistakes. I even tried saving a wounded bunny out of the hope I could save it. It didn’t make it, but I felt good knowing I tried doing good. You do what you can with all you have at the moment. It doesn’t make you a “bad person” or “lazy”, it makes you human.

On top of that, you are not incapable of love either. You love nature and you love your boyfriend. You love him more than anything and you’ll sit outside for hours barefoot on the grass because you love the feeling. You literally will strike up a conversation with anybody.

Therefore, would a bad person ever be like that? I don’t think so. How could you think you’re a bad person when you’ve helped others stay alive and beat their depression? How could you be a bad person when, even at rock bottom, you help others? You sacrificed hours of your time, sleep, and self-respect to listen to and affirm people who were struggling. That is what a hero does, not any hero, but a real one.

As a result, I proved myself wrong and even made a friend of myself and the world. I know it is hard where you are at the moment, but even while being in the same environment, I am thriving. I have cut off every bad person because I love myself. I dropped the ‘party life’ because I wanted meaning for myself. You might think you can’t do a lot, but I’m achieving things I never thought were possible because I chose to try for myself.

Specifically, in your freshman year, you hated painting. You thought you sucked. You even almost failed, but I taught myself how to paint, sculpt, and I reached out to art organizations merely on the passion for art that I’ve developed. Now I’ve been accepted into four art programs so far, put up my artwork in an art show, helped construct an exhibition, and had my art titles in a museum. Next on my bucket list is art college and teaching myself to draw. I’m able to achieve all of these goals because I put in the effort for myself. I live for myself. All you need to do is try. Once you put in all your effort, you won’t stop achieving. I’ve come so far, but I know I’ll go further.

Right now, on June 16th, 2025, I am sitting on my bed, realizing that I’ve taught myself so much. I am even grateful for the people who hurt me and my past because it only made me better. It made my life so much more interesting and the stuff you are crying about gave you a story. I am the strongest person I know because I managed to teach myself to love a world I once hated by turning the hate into love.

For these reasons, you are more than enough. You are everything all at once, and it is beautiful. Love your weaknesses, and love your strengths. You need both to be the best verison of yourself. The little girl you were years ago is rooting for you every day. You have the same spirit the little girl had; you’ve only grown stronger from understanding real struggle. You are still curious like her, you are energetic and authentic like her, but she never once judged herself. You wouldn’t judge that little girl either, so don’t judge yourself. Tell yourself you are enough for your little self and she’ll appreciate every kind word.