Dear Mandie,

   I know the pain that you have been carrying around for so long now. I can see the rejection, the abandonment, the lack of self worth and love, and the despair in your eyes. I know that you think that there must be something wrong with you, because no matter how hard you try, it seems that nobody ever loves or accepts you, and you never seem to feel like you fit in anywhere. You spend so much time and energy on being who you think others will like and accept because you just want to feel like you belong somewhere. You have a longing to feel like you are good enough, loved, approved of, and valued that was implanted in you at a very young age and it has caused you a great deal of misery and sadness. I want to share some wisdom with you that can set you free from your despair and open your eyes to a new light.

   I know that from as far back as you can remember you longed for your father to love you unconditionally, to show you attention, and to be proud of you. When your parents divorced, and he moved 14 hrs. away, it put the ultimate feeling of rejection and abandonment deep within your heart. It caused you to feel like you are not good enough, and if your own father doesn’t want you and doesn’t love you enough to stick around, then there is no way that anyone else ever will either. Yet, you are still searching for what you’ve needed from your father for all these years. But baby girl, the truth is your dad can’t give you what you need. He never could.

   You see, hurting people, hurt people. Your dad’s father died when he was only 5yrs old so he did not grow up with the experience of what a father looks like. He did not have a father to teach him how to be a loving dad. His older brothers helped raise him and only taught him how to be tough and to suppress loving feelings. His needs of being loved unconditionally and to be shown affection and care were never met and that caused him. His pain caused him to do the same to you that was done to him. He did not do it on purpose, but it was the only thing that he knew to do. It was not your fault that he didn’t show you the love and attention that you needed, and you definitely deserve it. He simply does not know how to do so. He is repeating the cycle of pain that he endured as a child because he knows no different way of being or doing. Even if you were the perfect child and never did any wrong, your fathers actions, or lack of, would have been the same. But that does not mean that he does not love and accept you. 

   Your worth and value has nothing to do with other people, your parents, family, or friends. It has nothing to do with how smart you are, what you look or dress like, what you have, or what you can do well. You were created with extreme value by God, and that is where your worth lies. Jesus loves you so much that He willingly died a horrible death so that you could be saved and live a better life. He gave you certain gifts, abilities, and talents that make you special. He created each one of us with different qualities, strengths, and weaknesses. Not one person on this earth is perfect, knows it all, has it all, or can do it all. We all have good and not so good parts of us. He created you just like He wanted you and with the qualities that you will need to fulfill His purpose for your life. You matter so much and God wants you to know that He loves you unconditionally and accepts you just as you are. 

    Instead of spending your time and energy on trying to be who you think someone else will like, spend it on learning who God created you to be. What makes your heart sing? What brings you joy? What do you feel fulfilled doing? Once you start to learn who God created you to be you will finally realize that you are enough. You will realize that you do have worth and value because of who He made you to be.Embrace your uniqueness girl. No one can take your place or do what God has anointed you to do. You are loved beyond words and I believe in you!

      Love,

      Future self