Dear Me,

I know right now it feels as if a thick grey fog has been placed over you, that everything is more grey, color starts fading, nothing looks the same, feels the same or will ever be the same again. Those are the thoughts I know you are having. First of all, I want to say how proud of you I am for powering through those thoughts. They are so very valid and so is your story. I want to promise you, the hard nights of work and dedication to heal and do and be better, all the blood sweat and tears you’ve put into not only remembering your story, but being able to speak about it is and will forever feel like your own retribution. Yes something really, really terrible happened to you but the growth you find after is so beautiful it brings me to tears. It is hard and it gets worse, sorry but that’s the truth. You will hit rock bottom, but your son will bring you back. Everything you do will become about getting better to be better for him. You didn’t remove yourselves from everything just to abandon him, no. You promised him that night you’d be home and you came home. There was a time I know how hard that burden was to carry but you can breathe now and truly be grateful to be alive. From the darkest of times comes life’s most beautiful moments. What if I told you that you not only got married, but you had a baby girl. The most beautiful piece of light you’ve ever created. Everything feels whole and right. You move to where the boys and baby have room to roam, in a town where the community actually cares and is tight and you might not have 100 friends but you have a few good ones. You have a beautiful family. You have your dreams, goals, values and worth for the first time and they’re actually yours! The dream is to be able to buy this place on an acre. It’s beautiful and you have chickens. Most importantly you feel the safest and most alive you’ve felt in your life. So much good came out of all that bad. Your life’s motto is to help others and to make a positive impact. Don’t ever give up because so many people look to you, your light gives a way for those who are in darkness to see. They tried to break you and you came back humble, strong and more full of light and love than you ever thought was possible. You not only found yourself but you became you.

Love,
3 years from now me