Dear Labor and Delivery,

Though it has been 18 years since my last visit, I can still smell your aroma and hear the steady stream of faint chatter when I close my eyes. I can still feel the bedrails beneath my hands and the IV in my arm.
Oh the anticipation and excitement of what was to come! To finally be able to meet and hold my little miracle, the one I grew inside of me, this little human life that I created! And then, it was time. I heard her cry, heard the Nurse say “something’s wrong”, heard the Doctor sternly call out “give Mom her baby”. I was so confused, scared, and worried. What was going on? What was wrong? Where’s my baby? What happened? And then she was in my arms, my perfect little one, so beautiful. And then I heard the words. “She has Down syndrome.”
Three years later, I came to visit again This time though, there was no excitement – no anticipation. This time was different.
While our daughter was safe with family, you kept me as comfortable as possible. You gave me a safe place to let myself go. You shared my tears with me, let me scream, you passed no judgement. When the time finally came, there was no first breath, there were no cries, no one rushing to take vitals – just silence. My baby was gone, an angel now in Heaven. As they placed her in my arms, my lips touched her skin and quiet tears fell.
You shared two of the most important moments in my life with me. They were beautiful, scary, and tragic. But in each moment, you helped me realize my strength.