Dear me,
I am now just about forty years old and I have grown in so many ways. I want you to know, none of it was ever your fault. Mommy being suicidal and addicted to drugs, the abuse we tolerated from her, it wasn’t ever your fault. By the way, she finally got clean but then turned to alcohol and the antidepressants made her more suicidal, but she made her amends and we were able to form some sort of mother-daughter relationship, unfortunately she passed away during covid. She apologized for not helping us when we were her boyfriend’s victim,didn’t make it right though, but at least she apologized. We are now seeing a counselor for all the childhood trauma; we’re learning how to cope and understand that none of the abuse was ever really our fault. Oh, we’re married and we have 2 sons. There were a couple of really rough relationships, but we learned to actually love and to let love in. We are no longer hiding behind a false smile; we wear an actual smile now. Abuse comes in all shapes and sizes and we have seen it all, but, us, the victim, have become the victorious. After what felt like a life of suffering, we grew, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. We learned to walk away from toxic relationships, even within the family; we learned to heal and let love in, and we learned to speak up and stick up against those who hurt us. So much has happened in our 40 years of existence, but we made it when we didn’t think we would. You would be so glad to know we chose to live, I know I am. Today we support those who were in our position-those who suffer abuse, neglect, the children who feel like life is just too much and they want an escape, I decided to live and I am so thankful for the people in our life who saved me. I no longer feel unsafe and afraid. We accomplished growing up; we got out of the dark and finally found the light. There was a time where I wanted to give it all up; that time kept occurring through the years; 12 years old, 15 years old, 16 years old, 20 years old, 28 years old, and then 32 years old, but no more. God blessed us with a person who held us so tight that all our broken pieces came together; there are still some pieces that need mending, but we’re learning how to heal. There are 2 adorable boys who call us mommy and it’s our job to never let them see the trauma we experienced. Today, I am alive and well. Today, I choose to live. I choose to leave the past in the past to look forward to a brighter future. We learned to smile and mean it,no more darkness.
Love,
Me
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