adversity, lessons, and resilience:
2024
started with petals
on the floor
one for every moment
that our memories went dormant
if I could see the path
that would lead us to the past
maybe then we could be
happy
but for now
silver petals
are running down my face
gently touching the ground
as I’m trying to erase
the pain of the instance
if only I could watch
from a distance
but I’m right here with you
and there’s nowhere I’d rather be
more than in a room,
together
how easy
was it to think
we would only know
moments of bliss
how I’d roll my eyes
sometimes
when you’d ask me to call you
more than once a day
that would rub me the wrong way
but today
what would I give away
in exchange for a phone call?
knowing that
your voice,
someday,
I might not recall
I realized a few weeks ago
that I threw away
an envelope you had signed
and it broke me back
to think that I didn’t foresee
how your signature
would become a mystery to me
how even your name
could never be written the same
again
one more petal drops
as I think back, in crops
souvenirs into bits and pieces
fragments of what they once were
still
they hold their beauty
but that’s not how I want
to remind you
I want to remember your smile
your laugh
… even when it wasn’t appropriate
to laugh or smile
I want to record
the love in your gaze
the emotions you left us with
are an endless river
always pouring
always giving
and
despite the pain
there is so much love left
almost like it’s renewed
through each day
through each laugh
through every sign
confirming you’re still here
with us
through us
and that
you can still be a part of the conversations
addressing those words to you
makes me feel somewhat connected
it reminds me that your name
doesn’t have to be silent
I might not hear a response
through your voice
through your own words
but writing about you
and creating my poetry
around your life
is a way for me
to stay with you
to be wrapped up in your arms
and feel the comfort you instilled in me
so this year
I hope that there won’t be
as many petals on the floor
I know
I won’t miss you any less
but I have cried enough
I don’t want to
associate my love for you
with any kind of sadness or lack
if I did,
my sight would just close to black
but I won’t let it happen
you’re in the sun
you’re in every bit of light and hope
my eyes and heart can collect
if anything
you’re even more divine now
than you could ever be in our 3D world
thank you for watching over us
thank you for those memories
those moments of love
of care
of lullabies, stories
and drawings of my favourite TV cartoons
you knew just how to reassure us,
didn’t you?
you were always so sure
of us
and all I can do
all I can think of,
as a way to say thank you,
is to sublime in my best way
and learn to share kindness my way

transforming and igniting:
from every snowflake that has fallen
I will build a bridge to reach a warm beach
the last few months have been leading me
to this mid-season
a jar filled with fears on my mind
but right under the anxiety and discomfort
lied so much hope
and a blind confidence
that everything would somehow
click into place perfectly
and last week,
the mid-season started to shift
to a rich, beautifully chaotic reality
I’m still far from the sea
I might not even get there this year
but what if I told you
that even through this summer’s heat waves
my motivation in itself
will turn the snow bridge into ice?
what if I told you
that the roots that were passed on to me
have always been growing
in the sand?

blooming era:
confidence.
I have always thought of this concept
as a distant strength
a country I would perhaps get to visit
someday,
if I worked hard enough.
I perceived it as a mysterious quality
of the soul,
like a magic trick that could illuminate any room.
I thought that confidence meant
perfection.
what if
you don’t need to possess
everything
to be confident?
what if confidence needs errors and losses
to grow?
what if confidence was actually
creating a mess,
but taking the first steps anyway?
what if
“Be yourself”
“You’re not alone”
and “You are enough”
were full sentences after all?
what if
confidence
was here, growing all along,
patiently waiting to emerge?
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