Dear you;

My love. My kryptonite. My coldest enemy and my warmest embrace. I never thought I would be yours. People say that you fall in love in certain ways, and I may have acknowledged it, but I never actually believed it to be true. Yet here I am, palms sweating at the thought of lacking your presence. At first you were a subtle love. I played it cool. We didn’t get together that much, and I never called you during our time apart. It didn’t take long for me to fall head over heels in love with you. The way you took the breath out of my chest. The way I could feel alive in your presence, and the nights that we would spend together, learning everything about one another. I will never be the same after meeting you. This will now be my life as I know it, and YOU gave that to me. You opened up parts of my mind and my soul that I hadn’t known existed before. You enveloped me in courage, confidence, and motivation to be better. You uplifted me.

At first. You helped me through my long work days, and you pushed me to get through my roles as a mother until I was finally allowed rest. At first. You taught me how to have fun again, and how it felt to be amongst friends. At first. You taught me to be responsible, and how to build and maintain the best possible life for myself. At first.

But shortly afterward, you started changing. You started changing me. My night shifts were easier, but my roles as a mother became more and more scarce. Soon enough, after CPS involvement and harsh words exchanged between the fathers of my children, I got the girls less. Even more so after my children were traumatized by the person you made me become. I lost them. My babies. Eventually, my job followed suit. Soon enough, it wasn’t fun anymore, and I saw more evil amongst the snakes disguised as friends than I had ever witnessed prior to you. My life started to crumble before me like shattering teeth as I lost every bit of my self esteem. Eventually, I crashed. Into the pits of what most may call rock bottom. You watched me smash into it’s dark, cold, lonely, fucked up pit, and instead of grabbing my hand and helping me, you laughed at me. You mocked me. With the most sinister smile, you reminded me that they had all warned me about you, and I hadn’t listened.

I knew you would break my heart. I knew you would leave me weak when you took my strength, lonely when I ruined every relationship around me just to keep yours, broken from when you influenced me to make these stupid decisions. You weren’t there for me when I fell down the way that you promised you would be. As I look around, I am on my own. The only people present are the ones asking me if I am hungry, because my homelessness is now suddenly so obvious. The families feeling sorry for me because they know what I am lacking, or judging me, because my absolute need for you is becoming physically apparent.

I put my trust in you. Gave my life to you, methamphetamine. You did what every single person told me you would. You grabbed ahold of me and you dug your claws deep inside of me. You held on for dear life and you watched me ambush mine. You sat back while I self-destructed and turned myself into an empty shell of the person that I used to be. You stole my sunshine. You stole my kids. My home. My job. My family. My friends. You made me depend on you, and you taunt me every fucking day of my life. Those that don’t know you should feel fortunate. Because you are a monster. A beautiful, vicious, exciting, terrifying existence, and I wouldn’t wish you on my worst enemy. Yet here I stand, with you in my daily routine. Learning more and more new ways to experience the absolute fucking euphoria that accompanies you for those few moments after we connect. Shaking, nauseated, in physical agony, and desperate for you when you are gone. I love you, and you fucking hate me. You prove that to me every day as you assist me in letting go of one more piece of myself.
I will never forget you, but I need to say goodbye.

(Style Score 77%)