It is hard to pinpoint one turning point in my life for a father of two beautiful, young children and a husband for almost 10 years of marriage. I have been blessed to be surrounded by many wonderful people who have helped me achieve many goals in my life. Meeting my wife, Elizabeth, was the absolute turning point in my life. Now it is not uncommon for any husband or wife to credit their spouse for good and bad. Sure, my wife is a big reason my dream of starting a family came to fruition and she has been a strong support for me to follow my dreams. But with all the wonderful achievements we have been able to accomplish, one precise decision allowed me to have a chance at all that I have accomplished and will be able to fulfill in my life.

As a child growing into a young adult, I had a wild imagination that, as I grew, became a constant voice in my head. I would always be told that I was “overthinking” things or “looking into” things too much. I began focusing on anxious thoughts that would keep me occupied for days, weeks, and months at a time. All the while, I was living the “best” years of my life, from what I was told. I pursued love quite a few times and was involved in many relationships throughout high school and college. One common problem was negatively “thinking too much” and worrying about the worst scenarios. In some cases, I felt that I was not deserving of happiness. Unfortunately, some of the people I dated, without relation to my negative thoughts, turned out not to be the right fit, to put it kindly.

These failed relationships only strengthened the thoughts of being unworthy of love or even worse being a terrible person. This continued into post-college life and for the most part, became an annoyance or obsession at times before I could move forward and focus on real life. As time passed, I moved out of my parent’s house and had a full-time job, but I had stayed single for the most part, fearing that I would somehow mess up my life before I met “the one”.

I worked with my wife at an oil company soon after graduating college and was involved in a long-term relationship, as was she at the time. Being a beautiful, kind person of the opposite sex, I kept her in mind when I moved on to another job and eventually separated from my relationship. I recruited Elizabeth to my new company, and we ended up working together for a few years before by chance, we were both single and attracted to one another.

Because I had thought about her being the one for me for quite some time while it was developing into a relationship, I had struggling thoughts of why this would not work and how I was almost living a lie, and once she got to know me, it would be over. Due to these thoughts eating at me and exhausting me, I started to almost test Elizabeth with little thoughts and facts to see if she would still be interested in me. This became an unhealthy outlet as I felt that if I spit out every negative thought I had and she happened to stay, it exonerated me from the anxiety and further thoughts. Sadly, this was not true. My thoughts would put me on trial day in and day out. I would be finding reasons that I was not worthy, or a horrible person. Despite facts, I would question myself and past decisions to the point that I was on the witness stand of my trial. My life would seem to pass me by as I was going through my personal court trial with memories and examples of why I could be horrible or not. My hell would subside after days until the next thought brought me to another “trial”.

Finally, my bride-to-be brought up OCD and how it can be treated through therapy and medication. I was skeptical as my brother would wash his hands repeatedly, which I considered the classic OCD characteristic, other than tapping objects and counting. I figured I was an anxious person and how could anything change my thought process, even medication? I was embarrassed to share my deep, dark secrets with a stranger. What if they judged me?

Well, my new addiction of spitting out what came to my mind to Elizabeth created an inevitable problem with our relationship. She strongly encouraged me to try therapy and I trusted her opinion. I also wanted to do whatever I could to make myself and our relationship better. Taking the plunge, like a roller coaster, I was riding the highs and lows of diving into my now-diagnosed OCD. Understanding this was a process, I kept up with for years and even expanded to medication with the encouragement of my therapist and none other than my now fiancé. No relationship is easy or perfect and just because I was getting help didn’t mean the problem was over or the damage was repaired.

The journey of living a better life began at that time and continues to this day as I have improved amazingly since but always must keep working to improve and battle through any hard times. I was able to focus on the things that mattered in my life, and it saw my career develop and some dreams followed. Ultimately none of my ambitions or family could have been achieved without the strong push to take care of myself. I have the confidence in myself to achieve anything and more importantly, pass it along to my children so that they never have to feel alone in their thoughts.

I have learned to understand past negative thoughts and anxiety while trying to prevent or prepare for future ones. My family is my life and a better me makes them better as well. Every person has their conflicts in life, but it is hard to understand that help can be achieved. If I had not met my wife, I would not have taken the step towards helping myself. As a result, I would not have my beautiful children and wife, not to mention the happiness I have found in all things in life. I could not imagine continuing to live on the path I had set for myself before therapy and medication.